Why Some Men Fall Asleep Instantly After Intimacy And Why It Annoys Women - Olubunmi Mabel
Picture this…
You just had a sweet, intense, and mind-blowing love-making session with your husband, and if you’re like me who likes to clean up immediately after, you go into the bathroom to pee or wash yourself.
You don’t take long; in a minute or two, you’re back.
Then you get into bed, excited to get into his arms again, whisper sweet nothings into each other’s ears, and cuddle up some more.
But you jump into bed, turn to him, and you’re met with a man fast asleep.
He’s probably even so deep asleep that he’s snoring.
How do you have such a beautiful moment of intimacy together,r and he’s slumbering right after?
Well, you’re not alone.
Many women have this same lamentation.
What could be the reason for this behavior from men and what do their women find it absurd?
Why Some Men Fall Asleep Instantly After Intimacy And Why It Annoys Women
1. They’re tired
Men have a hormone called testosterone.
I’m not trying to go all Doctor on you or confuse you with my medical degree, so I’ll try to make this explanation as simple as possible.
This hormone is responsible for many of the traits that men possess, one of which is aggression; you’d agree with me that men add a little more intensity and passion to everything than women do.
It’s because of their wiring.
This applies to intimacy too; men tend to exert more physical effort during intercourse: it’s like an intense workout for them.
Their heart rate goes up, their muscles engage, and they use a significant amount of energy.
This is why for couples to have a healthy level of communication, most times, the woman has to encourage the man to calm down and go slowly.
Many men seem to think the pleasure is in how much energy they put into it, but that’s not always the case.
This is why they’re so aggressive about it.
This fierceness leads to a drop in their blood sugar levels and a sense of exhaustion.
They go hard at it and immediately after, their body naturally shifts into recovery mode, what this means is that they immediately need to rest.
This is not the same for the woman, so she’s wide awake, staring at him.
2. Their hormones knock them out
Now, it’s one thing for the man to be tired and another for him to be knocked out by hormones.
The latter is more common.
Our feelings as humans are many times largely influenced by hormones; the desire for intimacy itself comes from a hormonal interplay, and interestingly, so does the urge men have to sleep right after the drama.
After intimacy, many men experience an increase in the hormones prolactin, oxytocin, and serotonin, and what these guys do is induce relaxation and drowsiness.
Prolactin, in particular, is related to sleepiness and is released in higher amounts after an orgasm, making it almost inevitable for some men to doze off.
It may not happen that way for the woman all the time,e so she’s left wondering how the man’s brain can quickly transition from arousal to a deep state of relaxation after sex.
Studies suggest that men’s neurological pathways “shut down” faster than women’s, making sleep a natural response rather than an intentional choice.
So, even if he didn’t plan to sleep, chances are that he still might.
Moreso, sex for a lot of men is a way to relieve stress and relax, and just like you’re likely to fall asleep after a good massage.
This may happen for women, too, but theirs is different because their emotional processing is also heightened at this point. Hence, their need for conversation and connection is higher than their need for immediate sleep.
3. The “Goal Achieved” mentality
Many times, when a man has sex with a woman for whom he has no emotional attachments or feelings, sleep is likely to be his resort immediately afterward.
Particularly if getting her into his bed was hard, and he made it a quest to achieve it.
This is why women are advised to only have sex with a man when they desire to and not because they’re being persuaded, chased relentlessly, forced, or sweet-talked by the man.
Chances are that if there’s no real emotional connection or feelings there, the moment he has accessed your cookie, his desire for you disappears.
This is because some men subconsciously view intimacy as a mission.
Once the goal is reached, their bodies instinctively wind down, leaving you wide awake and wondering why you’re suddenly alone in the experience.
From an evolutionary and biological perspective, after sex, after the peak of intimacy, men’s bodies signal that their reproductive role is complete,e so they shift to relaxing mode.
But for women, their evolutionary response is usually more towards bonding and emotional connection, and this can be a frustrating combination.
4. They’re avoiding deep talks
For men who have no plans for a serious relationship or connection beyond sex, once the deed is done, they close their eyes immediately.
Why?
They’re trying to avoid the “What are we?” talks that are likely to follow from the woman.
Many women sadly confuse intimacy with love, so they usually crave post-intimacy closeness like talking, cuddling, and sweet talk.
After the beautiful experience she just had, she thinks this is the perfect time for the man to tell her that she’s beautiful and he loves her.
But that’s exactly what the man is trying to avoid, so he chooses the only available escape route – sleep.
5. They have work the next day
Because men are sometimes more logical, they see everything as a task to complete and move on.
Only a few men are sensitive and sweet enough to be intentional about staying awake and cuddling their woman after intimacy.
A bulk of others would rather choose rest.
Particularly if they have another task ahead, like going to work or handling some business.
They believe they’ve given their best in bed, now it’s time to sleep and be ready for the next day and other tasks ahead.
Interestingly, this doesn’t happen only with one-night stands or men who don’t have feelings for the woman they’re sleeping with.
It can happen even with one’s legitimate husband.
The woman has to be vocal and confident enough to let the man know that the way they end their intimacy sessions is not the best, and she’d rather they connect more and not snooze right after.
The man may not immediately understand, and that’s understandable because men and women are wired differently.
He may want to know what about sleeping after intimacy is so annoying to her.
So let’s talk about that.
Why It Annoys Women
It’s not just about sleeping; it’s the lack of aftercare.
Many women want intimacy to be followed by cuddling, small talk, serious conversations, or just simple affection.
When a man instantly dozes off, it can feel like he’s emotionally checked out, even if it’s just his body reacting naturally.
You, as a man, might confess your love to your woman all day and give your best when making love to her, but she’ll still question your love for her right after just because you dozed off.
While you may struggle to wrap your head around it, it’s a pretty normal reaction.
For many women, intimacy is not just a physical act but an emotional experience.
When a man immediately dozes off after it, it can feel like rejection- yes, I know that rejection is a strong word, but that’s how it feels on her part.
Even if it’s purely a physiological response on the man’s part, the woman might not interpret it so.
After such deep physical vulnerability and connection, the woman wants to connect emotionally through communication, she wants to bask in the closeness, so being met with an instant nap can feel like she’s been neglected… Or even used.
You just opened yourselves up to each other in the most intimate way, so she’s very emotionally aware and sensitive and needs reassurance and closeness.
So, when the man immediately moves to Dreamland, it can come across as disinterest or selfishness to her.
As with every other thing that causes disagreements between a couple, trying to see things from each other’s perspective is the only way out of this.
When the man understands the woman’s needs and the woman understands the man’s, they’re able to meet each other halfway, finding a balance that works.
Once they understand the science behind it, it becomes less about hurt feelings and more about adjusting expectations.
