All Daughters Matter - Impacting Righteously
The purpose of this post is to point out a harmful double standard inside and outside of the church. It happens outside of the church, but it is worse when it is happening in the house of the Lord. It is concerning that it is happening in some Christian households. Some parents have been protecting their own daughter (s) from toxic men. At the same time, some have not properly trained their own son (s) not to be one of the toxic types of men that they are protecting their own daughters from.
Yes, all sons matter too! Of course. Boys and girls have not had to deal with the same plight in life when it comes to injustice, double standards and discrimination. First off, I know that no parent is perfect. Parenthood is a learning experience that includes mistakes.
Regardless, some have not sufficiently taught their boys how to treat someone else’s daughter(s) well. Unfortunately, some people seem mainly concerned with themselves and those closest to them. Parents should not only be concerned about their own offspring, but should also care about other people’s offspring and loved ones.
Specifically, some (certainly not all) fathers are preoccupied with mainly protecting their own daughters from players, users, abusers and liars. They also want to make sure their daughters are not sexually active too soon. This is great. What about everyone else’s daughters?
However, some don’t put enough attention and effort into raising their sons to behave correctly especially toward girls / women. What about being more efficient at teaching their sons not to mistreat someone else’s daughter? To respect women and be faithful to one woman? Other people’s daughters also deserve to have a man who does not lie to them, cheat on them, or use and abuse them as well.
Some fathers go well above and beyond to try to keep their own daughters from having sex. Some fathers and mothers appear to put a lot less of this kind of effort into their sons. I think it is kind of a universal problem where there is an under-emphasis on teaching sons to treat women correctly and to abstain from sex.
This is one reason why it is common to observe men who say their father didn’t really talk to them much about sex or didn’t really monitor them when they were dating. Even some men who grew up in Christian households will acknowledge that their father did a rather incomplete form of training them in these matters.
The man who is lying to someone’s daughter, cheating on her, and abusing her is sometimes the son of the man who was not so concerned about anyone else’s daughter but his own. It is a common theme.
Some men are terrified to have daughters. Some don’t want their daughter to be treated the way they have treated other people’s daughters.
“I don’t care what my son does,” some fathers have said. They don’t care what their son does? OK, so what’s wrong with this picture? This is a major reason why many boys end up untrained in these matters. It is this very perspective that causes fathers not to monitor or train their boys enough, but they may end up paranoid about their own daughters.
Due to other people’s sons being improperly trained, fathers know they must protect their daughters. Some are very strict with their daughters, are overly restricting them and being overly protective at times. There is no wonder so many fathers worry about having to protect their daughters from other men’s sons. In many regards, men know men. While some parents are quite worried about their daughters, they relish in and take relief in the fact that their son can’t get pregnant.
What is fair is to properly consider that their son can hurt or get someone else’s daughter (s) pregnant. This matters just as much. Some don’t seem to be concerned enough that their son could mistreat someone else’s daughter. In a sense, girls are commonly vilified. They are sometimes considered a burden because they are capable of it, and may become pregnant.
Sometimes, girls are considered more difficult, in part because they are able to become pregnant. Girls are a cause for concern, because they may be harmed by their man. Notice, these perspectives place the focus for what happens to the daughter on that daughter, although the son is involved as well.
The odds are high that a girl or woman may become a victim because of someone else’s son. She may become pregnant because someone’s son may impregnate her. How about raising sons correctly as well as doing the same for daughters? How about training them both to be respectful, loving, noble, responsible people? The importance of abstinence outside of marriage should be taught equally to both sons and daughters.
In many households and within some churches, boys and men have been given much free rein, not enough moral responsibility, and fewer rules when it comes to morality.
The justification I often heard for the double standard with boys was “Boys can’t get pregnant.” Instead of failing to provide enough structure and guidance for them, parents should teach their sons to respect girls and women and hold sons accountable to being decent human beings.
Their focus should not only be on the fact that their son cannot get pregnant. This is a rather selfish perspective. What about those people who can get pregnant? You know, the girls and the women. They matter, even if they are not a blood relative. They are someone’s loved one.
Sons should be taught not to go sowing their oats with as many women as they can and not to go breaking hearts. Girls absolutely should be trained correctly as well, and instructed to guard their body, guard their heart and value themselves. They should be taught to respect and value men as well.
In some households, overall integrity has not been a primary focus in how boys are raised. Some fathers focus on a son’s finances and corporate success. That is not all that there is to being a man. Overall integrity is far more important. If a man has integrity, he will be a good provider financially and otherwise. Wanting to avoid having daughters is not the answer to the problems. Refusing to raise sons correctly, but tying daughters up in the basement or keeping them under lock and key is not the answer.
The best and right thing to do is for all godly parents to instruct both their boys and girls on abstinence, on how to be noble people, how to treat each other with respect, and to properly value others in general. Objectification of humans should not even exist.
Girls should be taught just as much, but society has not historically encouraged women to be promiscuous and to objectify men. Generally, girls have been raised to behave better. In particular, fathers should have firm emphasis in instructing their sons on how to respect and be faithful to one woman.
This is needed, because society influences boys in the complete opposite direction in many cases. Fathers should verbally instruct and also model before their son (s) how a man should correctly treat a woman. This would be by treating his wife correctly: loving, respecting, cherishing, providing for, and being faithful to her. Of course, wives should respect, support, be faithful to, and love their husbands as well.
Father absenteeism has been and continues to be a major part of the problem.
Certainly, there are mothers who are absent as well, whether physically, emotionally or in both regards. Along with the mother’s presence, generational father presence, love, guidance, structure, righteous demonstration, instruction, discipline, and affirmation of sons should bring about a new generation of men of integrity.
Daughters raised correctly will develop into noble women. Sons properly raised are transformed into noble men. Noble men love, lead, protect, and provide for their wives and children. They are faithful. They don’t destroy or abandon their familiy.
Plenty women typically respond well to love and this type of provision. I believe that under these circumstances, it would be a different, better world. Again, parents absolutely should raise their daughters correctly also; to know their worth, to respect, love, be faithful to, and support their husband.
Generally speaking, parents seem to put more effort into training their daughters properly than their sons. Perhaps, people were concerned enough about husbands enjoying their wives that they wanted to make sure they trained their daughters to be enjoyable wives?
I have personally noticed this double standard trending. A lot of people have experienced this imbalanced dynamic and suffer the consequences. It negatively affects boys and girls, men and women. It affects relationships and marriages. The present dating and marriage crisis is largely a result of children not being the right example and their parents and also because of cultural influence A narrow focus on corporate and athletic success for boys does not ensure that a son will be a man of all-around integrity.
Three main reasons to teach sons how to treat other people’s daughters well:
1) The golden rule/ second great commandment.
“…Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” Mark 12: 31 (KJV).
If parents do not want someone else’s son harming their own daughters, they should not be accepting of the fact that their own son may hurt someone else’s daughter. A concerned father should be proactive to teach his son to be responsible and treat girls and women well.
2) Fathers and mothers (particularly Christian ones) should be concerned about the eternal destination of their sons and daughters. Souls have to go somewhere.
If a son or daughter is not raised and trained in the ways of the Lord, they may be headed in the wrong direction for eternity. What loving father or mother doesn’t mind their son (or daughter) spending eternity in a terrible place? How can a caring parent say, “I don’t really care what my son (or daughter) does?”
What does not being able to get pregnant have to do with anything in the grand scheme of things? I understand that some people do not believe in God and do not believe that hell exists either. Although this is tragic it could explain the careless attitude some parents have in raising their children.
3) Parents are responsible before God for raising and nurturing their children correctly.
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Ephesians 6: 1- 4 (KJV).
