10 Subtle Signs You And Your Husband Are Growing Apart - Olubunmi Mabel
Every relationship, including marriage, is a roller coaster.
There will always be ups and downs, and you should know that they are part of the dynamics of that relationship.
As much as we admit that we have these opposing moments, the downs should not be more than the ups.
When the downs become so great, you might just realize that what you have is going down the drain.
The truth is that butterflies and giddy feelings that occur at the early stage of a relationship or marriage are not always present.
There are different things and challenges that you have to face individually or even as a couple in a marriage.
These experiences are what will shape your union either positively or negatively.
The negativity comes up where there is no strong emotional connection or bond between your husband and yourself.
You will be surprised to learn that this drift occurs in subtle but significant ways and, if not nipped in the bud, can lead to a complete meltdown of the marriage.
A number of factors can lead to this, but I’m not about to address that in this post.
The focus is on the signs you and your husband are growing apart.
1. Lack of Communication
Communication is the live wire of any relationship, particularly marriage.
Believe me, when it comes to marriage, romance will fizzle out at some point because of certain factors, like children coming into the picture, work schedule, and emotional stress, just to mention a few.
It is conversations that keep the marriage green at this point.
It is what will actually show where you are with your spouse and how much you connect with him.
When you realize that your conversations have been watered down to daily logistics and very basic things, it could be a sign that you and your husband are growing apart.
I mean, the days of hearty laughter and discussing dreams plus plans for the future have all drifted away.
You no longer feel safe discussing your dreams, fears, and feelings with your husband and vice versa.
Finding yourself at this point with your husband means that there is already a vacuum, and you need to find a way to fix it before it swallows you both.
2. Feeling Lonely in Each Other’s Company
I recently lost my mum, and somehow, I understood how it feels to be in the midst of people and still feel lonely.
If your once lovely partner and everything to you makes you feel lonely even when he is present, then something is wrong.
It means that the connection on the deeper level has been lost.
That is why the first problem I talked about is that of communication.
Lack of communication can lead to a feeling of loneliness where there is no connection on a deeper level.
When you start feeling alone in your husband’s company, you can be sure that you are gradually growing apart.
3. Different Priorities
Change is the only constant thing in life and this even applies to goals and aspirations in marriages.
You might have had the same goals and priorities before marriage, and somehow, you experience a shift, or your husband gains a new perspective.
It is not enough to make you grow apart, in all honesty.
The fact that he wants something and you want a different thing does not mean you cannot work it out together.
This still goes down to a lack of communication, in my own opinion.
If there is adequate and proper communication, you will realize that some of these different goals actually complement each other.
And even when they are not complementing you will be able to reach a compromise if there is communication.
This pursuit of different priorities and unwillingness to sort things out amicably will lead to you growing apart in your marriage.
4. Less Quality Time Together
In the pursuit of a better life and to improve your family’s standard of living, you realize that you have thrown yourself into a busy work schedule.
Your commitments to your dreams and aspirations in building that dream life have consumed you so much that you rarely spend time together.
It is either you are away from the house with work, or he brings work home and does not have time for you.
This lack of quality time spent together will make it easier for you to drift apart.
You will be surprised that we, as individuals, all speak the five love languages.
The absence of one can lead to an imbalance in the marriage as a whole, which can make it easy to drift apart.
5. Lack of Intimacy
As I mentioned above, we all speak the five love. Languages and touch is an element of physical intimacy.
How do you even establish attraction and appreciation for your spouse without physical intimacy?
A decline in affection, sex, or even simple romantic gestures like holding hands or cuddling can indicate a distance in your marriage.
This is often the first sign of resentment in most cases.
That is why you see a lot of people say they are in a loveless marriage because sex is absent.
6. Keeping Secrets
Keeping secrets from your spouse is the foundation for a lack of trust.
And when trust and openness begin to fade in a marriage, you can be sure the couple is very distant from each other.
Imagine having to hide things from your partner or even avoid certain topics because you do not want to divulge any form of information.
It is not as if this information is pertaining to work or breaches any form of the rule of confidentiality in your profession.
It is just you being hideous to your spouse.
This conversational hide-and-seek will lead to an emotional distance, which in turn will make you grow apart.
7. Frequent Arguments or Avoidance
Where secrets exist, argument and avoidance cannot be taken out of the picture.
It is either you are constantly bickering or completely avoiding conflict.
You do not want to address anything so as to avoid any form of divulgence.
Rather than address issues, you’d rather sweep them under the carpet.
This is what will pile up and, in turn, explode in your face and push you apart.
8. Loss of Shared Interests
I know I mentioned earlier that change is constant in life.
However, it does not in any way validate the fact that you have completely lost any form of interest in what you and your spouse used to.
I understand that it is natural for individual interests to evolve, but there is something that should always bring you together.
It could be a newly discovered interest or even one of the old activities you used to enjoy together.
When you no longer have any shared interests, activities, or hobbies, you can unknowingly create a sense of disconnection from your spouse.
9. Emotional Withdrawal
People experience different things at different points in their lives.
If, in the course of your marriage, one of you experiences an emotional trauma or even has unresolved issues, these can lead to a form of emotional disconnection.
This can manifest in various ways, such as becoming emotionally unavailable, distant, or unresponsive.
When there is an emotional disconnection, there will definitely be a barrier to connection between both spouses.
When this occurs and is not promptly addressed, it can lead to a marriage meltdown.
10. Fantasizing About Life Without Each Other
This is more like your dark secret.
Fantasizing about life without your spouse is not a good sign for any marriage.
It shows that you are deeply dissatisfied with your current relationship and think you would be happier without your partner.
Constantly thinking about what could have been or how life would be if you were alone can create a sense of detachment from your spouse.
This is because you are gradually signing out emotionally and mentally from your marriage.
When this happens, you won’t be able to fully invest yourself in the relationship, and it could ultimately lead to the breakdown of your marriage.
Every relationship goes through rough patches, and addressing these issues head-on is the way to go.
Ignoring the problem and ignoring your spouse will only make things worse, making you strangers in your own home.
It may seem like an easy escape, but it comes with its own set of challenges and complications.
Moreover, it is not fair to your partner to have one foot in and one foot out of the relationship.
Try to identify the root cause of your dissatisfaction.
Is it something that can be addressed within your marriage?
Are there communication breakdowns or unmet needs?
Thrash it out.
There is almost nothing that cannot be solved through open and honest communication.
Listening to each other’s perspectives and actively working towards a solution can bring you closer as a couple.
But if you find that the issues are beyond repair, seeking help from a marriage counselor is highly recommended.
Take care, and remember, I’m always here if you need someone to talk to.
