Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! -I Corinthians 6:15, NIV Cheater, you are the aggressor, not the victim, here! For whatever reasons, people are often taken in by the pity story a caught cheater spins … Continue reading "Cheaters are NOT the victims."
“What happened to us?” asks Cheater. “You cheated, and so, we divorced. It’s pretty simple,” says Faithful Spouse. Cheaters asking this question are not asking for information. They are attempting to shift blame onto you, faithful spouse. Your current marriage ending narrative makes them look bad; so, they are attempting to manipulate you into accepting … Continue reading "Cheater-Speak: “What happened?”"
When Cheaters go to pastoral counseling with their victims, they may have no interest in actually dealing with The Problem. They have successfully convinced themselves that the cheating was caused by circumstances outside of themselves. Cheaters might even blame their spouse for the cheating (see “The Shared Responsibility Lie“). These sessions are doomed. The cheating … Continue reading "The Problem is not a problem to them."
“I’m being faithful to God,” says Cheater. “It sounds like you believe that [which is a complete lie],” replies Faithful Spouse. Saying does not make it so! Cheaters say all sorts of things. You could have them dead to rights, and they will bust out this gem (see above). To them, their lies need not … Continue reading "Saying does not make it so."
Especially, refuse to be a forever girlfriend if you want to be married. Have you ever met women who desire to get married but remain men’s girlfriends chronically, because their boyfriends w…
“How did you find out?” says incredulous, busted Cheater (“Shoot! He DID find out. I gotta figure out how to shut down that channel of information!”) When a cheater gets busted and their first impulse is to learn how you discovered them, you know that cheater is the opposite of repentant. Such is pride speaking–namely, … Continue reading "Cheater-Speak: “How did you find out?”"
Mike Genung
It’s 2005 and a new guy has walked into our men’s group for recovery from porn/sex addiction in Colorado Springs. He’s dressed in army fatigues and boots. His hair is crew cut, short, salt and peppered. Posture is ramrod straight. His eyes are intense, with Read More
Is your marriage feeling more like a chore than a partnership? Discover these 12 red flags in a marriage. These are warning signs of a loveless, unhappy marriage. Learn how to prioritize your well-being. Let’s start in earnest. Please share this post with your friends on social media. Related: Infidelity in marriage: What to do […]
Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ. -Colossians 2:8, NLT “… for better or worse… rich or poor…” Cheaters do not allow the traditional wedding vows to touch their hearts. They come at marriage … Continue reading "Value Added Worldly Wisdom"
If everyone is focused on your “shortcomings,” then they aren’t bothering the Cheater. This is a classic move by Cheaters. They convince the pastor or other helper to focus upon the faithful spouse and their so called “shortcomings.” The faithful spouse takes the hit as they might be terrified of the marriage ending. It is … Continue reading "If everyone is focused on your “shortcomings”…"
So the Lord blessed Job in the second half of his life even more than in the beginning. -Job 42:12a, NLT Faithful Spouses, we have a choice: Do we keep on allowing the cheater to be the central player in our life story or do we go out and take command of our story forging decisions … Continue reading "End their centrality. Make them a footnote."
In this post, I’m going to talk about religious “conversion” that takes place when someone changes or attempts to change their religious belief system in order to date or marry so…
No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. -Matthew 6:24, NIV Always Calculating THEIR “Deal!” One dynamic with Cheaters is how they approach relationships. The marriage is simply … Continue reading "Always calculating THEIR deal!"
“Well, what did you contribute to the breakdown of your marriage?” I hate that question. It is a “Loaded Question”–meaning it assumes you did something to destroy your marriage. Such questions are errors in reasoning–i.e. logical fallacies. While the question looks reasonable, it is really just a dressed up version of “The Shared Responsibility Lie,” … Continue reading "Well, what did you contribute to the breakdown of your marriage?"
What should a spouse do when there is infidelity in marriage? This short post will show you my response to a question from a lady who had extra marital affairs many years ago and have kept it from her husband. She wanted to know what she should do about the situation because her peace had […]
“But I wasn’t perfect in our marriage either,” says Faithful Spouse. Do you have to be without sin to be the innocent party regarding the end of your marriage? I remember going through my trial with the denomination and struggling with a version of this question. It was difficult to see myself as the “innocent … Continue reading "“But I wasn’t perfect either.”"
This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. -John 3:19, NIV Family Rule: Keep up appearances! I wonder how many of us, faithful spouses, married into families where appearances were of the utmost importance. Our Cheaters were conditioned from the earliest … Continue reading "Family Rule: Keeping up appearances"
“I’m being faithful to God,” says Cheater. “Sounds like you believe that,” replies faithful spouse knowing otherwise. I don’t miss arguing over reality with my Cheater. Those were crazy-making experiences. She would attempt to force her will on me to agree to a certain narrative. It was a power struggle. I am glad those days … Continue reading "“Sounds like you believe that.”"
“I think it’s best for both of us if we live apart.” -Cheater Cheaters saying this is speaking for both parties to serve their own nefarious agenda–i.e. unfettered access to cheat. Strange how Cheaters get to decide for the whole couple what is best! They did not ask but rather told their partner what is … Continue reading "Cheater-Speak: “I think it is best….”"
21 For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, 22 adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, lustful desires, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness. -Mark 7:21-22, NLT If not you, then someone else. I suspect the seeds for cheating were already planted within the Cheater’s heart when we first married them. They may or … Continue reading "If not you, then someone else."