6 Things Every Husband Needs From Their Wives But Rarely Get - Olubunmi Mabel

I know what you are likely thinking, “why can’t he just communicate what he needs?”

Well, let’s take a minute to think about the number of times you have wanted something and not vocalized it. 

I’m willing to bet we’ve all done it, even the most communicative people out there. 

It’s not always because we don’t want to talk about it. 

Sometimes, it’s because we don’t want to burden the other person or don’t think we will get it anyway. 

And yes, sometimes, it’s because we are afraid we will be asking for too much. 

Having said that, men do need things from their wives that they rarely get for many reasons, including the above. 

Let’s look at some of them

1. Appreciation

Without sounding too stereotypical, there is a sense in which women are prepared for marriage that men aren’t. 

Before I proceed, let me clarify that I don’t think the fault is solely with men but also with society. 

A girl is raised from a young age to be domesticated and nurturing while the boy is left to figure it out. 

Yes, he is taught to provide, but married people know that it takes more than providing to make a home. 

Besides, women also work and provide, but let’s not digress. 

For that reason, after marriage, women often feel like their men don’t do as much and might settle into that belief even when he is trying to make an effort. 

He might indeed be missing many things because he wasn’t taught to.  

However, a good husband will also have areas where he is trying, and the simplest “thank you” or acknowledgment of his efforts can mean everything to him. 

Sometimes, it’s not even about what he may be doing wrong; life gets busy, and the little things he does might start to blend into the background. 

Despite that, you must find time to pause and say, “I appreciate all you do.”

Trust me, it is the best confidence booster; it reminds him that his hard work is seen. 

An African proverb translates to, “The one who says thank you today gets something else tomorrow.”

Thanksgiving has a multiplier effect.

So, when you appreciate him for his actions, he is encouraged to do more. 

It might even solve all your problems concerning what your husband misses. 

A simple word or gesture of appreciation makes anyone feel valued. 

So don’t hesitate to give your husband that gift as well.

2. Acceptance Of Some Flaws

This point is not removed from the first point. 

Everyone getting married should enter marriage accepting that their partner is human and won’t be perfect. 

This, of course, does not mean you should settle for just anybody. 

This means you should find someone whose flaws you can live with because you’ll never find someone without them. 

If this is difficult to do, just remember that you are equally imperfect, and there are things you do that your husband doesn’t like or enjoy. 

It’s easier to extend grace to your husband when you remember that. 

He longs for acceptance when it comes to his quirks or imperfections. 

I get that it might annoy you, but is it really that big a deal that he leaves socks lying around or that his cooking skills are not perfect?

Men don’t want to feel like they have to be perfect to be accepted; this can be exhausting for anyone, including you. 

So, take the pressure off your marriage and let your husband feel accepted for who he is. 

I promise it will strengthen your bond and make your husband more likely to open up and share his true self. 

Moreover, one secret most don’t know is that it gives you peace because you are not stressing yourself trying to change someone who is simply a being of habit like everyone else. 

Plus, it encourages him to do better, whereas constantly pointing out wrong makes him feel inadequate, which may make him withdraw. 

3. Room For Vulnerability

Have you ever heard someone say to a man, “Why are you crying like that when you are not a woman?”

Most men have heard this since they were boys. 

So, even the boy who is supposed to grow up more emotional is broken until he becomes more of a robot. 

It’s okay if your husband has heard this all his life – ideally, he shouldn’t, but you get what I mean. 

What I’m saying is that even if he has, he doesn’t want that from his wife. 

He may not even know it’s a need at the moment, but deep inside lies that little boy in need of a safe space to be vulnerable.

He wants to let down his guard without being made to feel like a weakling. 

Your husband wants to feel like he can talk to you about things that worry him, things he doesn’t have all the answers for. 

But if he fears judgment or worries he’ll seem “weak,” it becomes harder for him to open up. 

So, you need to create that space by encouraging him to share what’s on his mind without jumping to solutions or criticisms. 

Let him be a little boy on your shoulder once in a while who is as clueless as you are. 

Let him rant. 

Let him be human with all our weaknesses, fears, and uncertainties. 

That’s something many men need from their wives but rarely get. 

They don’t want to be judged for their insecurities; they want to be accepted in spite of them and not seen as less.

4. Trust 

There are two sides to trust. 

There is a side of trust that has to do with loyalty, where you are sure your husband will not step out of your marriage. 

There is another side where you have faith in his decisions and his ability to do right by you and your family. 

Let’s take it one by one. 

In the first instance, I get why some women resort to distrust. 

Society is rife with stories of men cheating on their wives. 

But no matter what’s said, not all men cheat. 

If your husband has cheated before and you forgave him, I can understand why you distrust him. 

So, he should definitely earn your trust again.

But if your husband hasn’t, he wants to be trusted by his wife. 

He wants her not to monitor his every move, let him have time with his guys without checking in every minute, and let him talk to a girl without jumping to conclusions. 

Nobody wants to feel like they are being watched every minute, so give your husband some grace and allow him to breathe. 

On the other hand, men want to be trusted to do the right thing. 

When a husband senses his wife genuinely trusts him, it boosts his confidence in himself as a partner. 

I know you might think you are more intelligent, but you need to allow him to handle certain things without needing to “supervise” or question his every move. 

Show faith in his ability to manage life with you as a team and trust him to lead or handle tough situations with you. 

Believe me, it will even deepen his commitment, as he will want to do his best not to disappoint you, considering how much faith you have in him. 

5. Love And Affection

Contrary to popular belief in some quarters, men need love the same way you do. 

Trust me, he wants the little gestures, the gentle touches, and the everyday affection. 

I don’t know if you’ve ever seen those TikTok videos where women refuse to say, “I love you too” to their husbands. 

You will see in those videos how most of the men always come back to hear it before they feel better. 

That’s because men want to hear it, too. 

They want the random “I love you,” constant kisses, or even a random hand squeeze to let him know you’re there. 

All those are important to remind him that he’s cherished and that you enjoy having him close. 

6. Initiate Sex

It might not be discussed enough, but many husbands appreciate it when their wives initiate intimacy. 

There’s something affirming about knowing that your partner desires you and isn’t waiting passively for you to always make the first move. 

I remember having this argument with a male friend. 

I told him some women struggle to initiate because society has made many associate sex with shame. 

While he understood, he made me see that a man would feel unwanted if he always has to initiate sex. 

He told me that men also need to feel desired by their wives. 

They want to know that their wives want them as much as they want her. 

Just like you’d love to feel pursued and desired, so does he. 

Sometimes, taking the initiative lets him know you’re equally invested in that part of the relationship. 

Of course, it doesn’t have to be every time, but the gesture can add a little excitement and balance to your intimate life.

To conclude, this list is not exhaustive, but these are the significant things husbands want from their wives but rarely get. 

Besides this, you can also sit with your husband and ask him what he would like you to do for him that he hasn’t mentioned to you.