8 Signs You’re Emotionally Drained By Your husband - Olubunmi Mabel

Growing up, I couldn’t wait to get married.

Marriage looked so beautiful in the storybooks and the movies.

Don’t get me wrong, marriage is beautiful in reality too.

It’s a journey full of love and sharing when it is successful.

You would have a lot of moments to celebrate.

At other times, you may face your fair share of trouble…

Some of them may be from your partner.

After all, even in the most successful marriage, no one is perfect, and therefore, no marriage is perfect.

In marriage, there are highs and lows; enjoy the highs and endure the lows.

That’s the mantra of successful marriages.

However, if you feel constantly drained or exhausted after spending time with your husband, it is possible that your relationship may be affecting your emotional balance.

If you find yourself constantly exhausted, anxious, or unhappy in your marriage, it might be time to reflect on whether your husband is contributing to your emotional fatigue.

Here are some signs to look out for during your period of reflection.

8 Signs You’re Emotionally Drained By Your Husband

1. You feel tired all the time

When a person says, “I am tired,” it is usually very easy for us to conclude that the person is physically tired.

One of my friends used to do the same thing in school.

I would complain about being tired, and she would say, “You are just lazy. You haven’t done anything at all”.

She failed to realize that tiredness doesn’t have to be physical.

It could also be mental or emotional.

Now, the kind of tiredness I am speaking about here is emotional.

The kind of emotional tiredness that sometimes begins to feel like physical tiredness.

The kind of tiredness that makes you feel perpetually tired, even after a good night’s sleep.

That’s the type of tiredness I am speaking about.

It’s a deep-seated weariness that comes from being someone’s emotional punching bag all the time.

If actual punching bags were living things and could feel, this would be their permanent feeling.

You feel tired and emotionally exhausted in your marriage because your husband seems to take out his emotions on you all the time.

You are tired of being the dumping ground for every of his negative emotions.

You are tired of the anger, the hurtful words, and the emotional blackmail.

You are tired in the morning after a good night’s rest because you are about to face another day with him.

If you feel tired at the thought of spending time with your husband, it is a sign that you are emotionally drained by him.

2. You desire alone time

It’s not wrong to want some private time.

Couples in successful relationships usually make time for themselves.

They love to enjoy each other’s company, but they also need some alone time occasionally.

To me, alone time is that private time when you can think without any interference or distractions.

However, if in your case, alone time literally means being away from your partner for a long period of time, it is a sign that something is not right somewhere.

When you have a frequent desire to be away from your husband, it could be a sign that being with him takes a toll on your emotions.

When your husband seems to be draining you of emotional energy, spending time with him may be the last thing you want.

So, if you realize that you get the opportunity to go away for a weekend without him and you are overjoyed, it’s a sign that your husband is draining you emotionally.

I have seen people stay longer at work and take on more work than anybody else just to avoid their partners because they feel overwhelmed by them.

Preferring to be alone at work or elsewhere rather than with your partner can signal that the relationship is draining your emotional energy.

I know some people are workaholics, but I can’t personally imagine choosing to work when I could be at home enjoying my partner’s company.

This is how you should feel in a successful relationship.

3. You are emotionally numb

Another effect of being emotionally drained is that you may begin to feel too little about things.

This is a state of emotional numbness.

You know you are supposed to feel something, but you are not just feeling it.

This usually happens when a person is too tired to fully process information or when the person has gotten so detached as a defense mechanism against stress.

The point is if you realize that you are beginning to be indifferent about the things that used to matter, it could be a sign that you are emotionally drained by your relationship.

When you have used up every available reserve of emotions, you may begin to seem indifferent or less invested in your relationship.

This shouldn’t make you panic.

You are not becoming an unfeeling person.

You are just protecting yourself from further emotional overload.

4. You are extra careful around him

I must say that it is never a good sign if you can’t be yourself around your partner.

Now, it’s not like you are actually pretending.

It’s more like you are being extra careful around them because you don’t want to trigger them.

If you realize that you feel uncomfortable sharing your feelings about certain topics with your partner, it is a sign that something is wrong with your relationship.

I know you may feel like you are trying to avoid an argument or protect their feelings, but the fact is that you are actually afraid of your husband’s reaction.

Yes, you are afraid of your husband’s reaction.

You constantly feel the need to tiptoe around him just to avoid conflicts.

If you are always on edge because you are worried you will trigger your husband, it is a sign that you are emotionally drained by your husband.

5. You have frequent arguments

Arguments and conflicts are normal and even beneficial for your relationship.

So, if you just have occasional conflicts with your husband and they are resolved constructively, you don’t need to pay much attention to this.

Conflicts that should get you worried are the kind that seem to occur daily and rage on for a long time.

In fact, it seems like you are moving from one conflict to another faster than you are resolving them.

The fact is that constant bickering and unresolved conflicts can sap your energy.

If it seems like you and your husband can’t have a conversation without it degenerating into a fight, it is a sign that your relationship is taking a significant toll on your emotions.

No one can endure such situations without feeling emotionally drained.

6. You feel alone even when you are with your husband

I remember the feeling you get when you join a new school.

Not a great feeling.

You are sad because you have totally zero friends in this school.

You are scared because there is no assurance of meeting anyone who likes you.

You feel alone even when you are surrounded by so many people.

Of course, this changes for some of us before the end of the week.

I am likening what you are feeling in your marriage to this.

The difference is that it’s temporary for the new student, but you have been dealing with it for a long time.

A sign that you are emotionally drained by your husband is that you feel alone even when you are with him.

You feel isolated, without any support.

Basically, lack of support is the last thing you should be feeling in a successful marriage.

Hence, it is a sign that your marriage is far from being successful.

It shows that your husband has really been more focused on taking from you than giving to you.

He leaves you to face your challenges alone and even sometimes compounds the problem for you.

If you feel this way, it is a sign that your husband is not a helper.

At best, he is a bystander in your life; at worst, he is one of the challenges you are having to deal with.

7. You no longer focus on your needs

One time in school, I had a very busy week.

It was so busy that I barely had time to take care of myself.

I was hardly eating anything, and sleep was an occasional luxury.

After one week, I was drained and broke down.

My point is if you are in a relationship with someone who keeps you so occupied that you don’t even consider your needs or welfare, you are in an emotionally draining relationship.

You have started losing sight of who you are and what your needs are because you are more focused on your husband’s demands.

If this is the kind of relationship you are in, it is a sign that your husband is emotionally draining you.

The sad thing is that many people are in terrible relationships like this and have convinced themselves that they are merely sacrificing for their relationships.

Well, they are not.

Your husband has a pipe attached to your emotions, and he keeps draining them.

8. You can’t concentrate on other areas of your life

One major sign that you are in an emotionally draining relationship is that it affects your ability to concentrate on other aspects of your life.

You may be finding it difficult to concentrate on other aspects of your life, such as friendships, family, work, health, and finances.

You know, most people talk about separating your relationship from work life like it’s easy.

But it’s not because your relationship contributes to your general outlook on life.

If you are married to a man who gives you joy, you will have a positive outlook on life, which will positively affect other areas of your life.

However, if you are in a relationship with a man who drains you emotionally, it may affect other areas of your life negatively.

When your husband’s demands suck up so much of your emotions, it could distract you from being the best version of yourself in every aspect of your life.

It is hard to concentrate on friendships and your career if you are always emotionally exhausted.

There’s also the fact that you may get cranky all the time, causing you to lash out at people who don’t deserve it.

You seem to be underperforming at work, missing outings with friends because you are preoccupied, and even your family members are neglected.

When your marriage begins to affect other areas of your life negatively, it may be a sign that you are in an emotionally draining marriage.

Now that you know the signs, I am sure you have already concluded about where you fall into.

You are now wondering what to do about it.

I will share some tips on how to handle your relationship better.

The first thing to do is to have open and honest communication about issues in your relationship.

Such a communication will benefit the both of you.

Talk about how you have been feeling so drained and alone in the marriage.

After talking about the problems, you need to discuss solutions.

If your husband is ready to change, he will show it by joining in this search for a solution.

He should willingly be able to admit his faults and be determined to make things right.

If he is not ready to do this, then there’s no point in going through these steps.

You can just jump to the final step: exiting the relationship.

However, for the people who are ready to work on their relationships, decisions need to be made about how to proceed in the future.

Conflicts should be handled better and constructively.

It doesn’t need to degenerate into a fight.

The most common cause of conflicts is the inability or unreadiness to understand each other.

During disagreements, the goal should be to come to an understanding.

Not to fight and scatter everywhere.

Even in disagreement, you can validate your partner’s feelings and understand where they are coming from.

This should be the new rule in your relationship.

Also, your needs should be prioritized in the relationship.

You don’t always have to be the “sacrificial lamb”; always sacrificing your needs for your husband’s.

Then you need to spend quality time together, treat each other with respect and altogether, treat each other affectionately.

Your house needs to become known as a home of love, and it starts with the little things.

However, if you have tried all you can and your husband is still set in his parasitic ways, it could be time to say your farewells and consider building the “home of love” elsewhere.

You shouldn’t stay in a toxic relationship that involves emotional and perhaps physical abuse.

You deserve to be loved and treated well, too.