9 Signs He's Emotionally Bonding With Someone Else - Olubunmi Mabel
During my previous relationship, I had a short period of time when it felt like I was emotionally bonding with another lady instead of my girlfriend.
While people may say it was just a passing phase for me, I knew it wasn’t.
It took a huge toll on my relationship because I was so emotionally invested in someone else that I had little emotions left to pour into my actual relationship.
The truth is that in relationships, emotional bonds are the invisible threads that hold partners together.
Strong emotional connection with your partner is usually a sign that you are doing the right thing in your relationship.
However, what happens when it begins to feel like the strength of that bond is reducing because a third party has been added to the connection?
What happens is determined by how quickly you notice what is going on and the things you do to ensure that your connection to your partner remains alive.
There are some telltale signs of this that most of us usually ignore.
Let’s explore these signs and what to do if, peradventure, he is emotionally bonding with someone else.
9 Signs He’s Emotionally Bonding With Someone Else
1. He spends less time with you
I remember when I started developing feelings for my girlfriend.
I always wanted to be around her.
It was so wild that I usually spent most of my days just waiting for the few hours I would spend with her.
Those were the times of truly pure bliss.
I was in love for the first time in my life and finally understood the behaviors of people I had criticized in the past.
Then, I met the other lady, and sincerely, I never had any ulterior motives when I started talking to her.
She just seemed like a really interesting person.
Well, conversations with interesting people are usually interesting.
So, I started talking to her more before I realized I was actually enjoying our conversations more than any other.
I started wanting to spend more time with her.
Because of this, I spent less time with my girlfriend.
Of course, my usual excuse when she complained was the fact that I was busy.
But the truth was that I was busy spending time with someone else, even though she took it as me being busy at work.
My point is that the first sign that your man is emotionally bonding with someone else is the fact that he spends less time with you.
While this is a sign, it is not a conclusive one.
At least, not on its own.
Sometimes, a man may have more responsibilities at work or elsewhere, which may reduce the amount of time he spends with you.
However, in this situation, it is usually obvious that he is making an effort to create time for you amidst his busy schedule.
If he isn’t making concerted efforts to spend time with you and you are hardly spending time together, it could be a sign that he is already emotionally bonding with someone else and spending time with them.
2. He is less emotionally available
When your man is emotionally bonding with someone else, he may not be totally emotionally unavailable, but to an extent, he may seem less available to you.
It seems really difficult and rare for you to have deep and meaningful conversations with him.
This is especially true if he used to be your go-to person for deep conversations but is now acting all uninterested in such conversations.
One of the things that happened to me during my experience with that other lady was that it felt like being there for my girlfriend was a chore.
I hated hearing her say the words, “We need to talk.”
My reason for this hatred?
It wasn’t coming from the person I wanted to hear it from.
I wasn’t being averse to deep and meaningful conversations.
I just didn’t want to have it with her.
If, just like me, your man is exhibiting a sudden disinterest in the deep conversations that used to interest him, the odds are he is already having such conversations with someone else.
3. He frequently mentions someone’s name
Well, this was a sign I exhibited constantly.
I was like a boy who had just discovered he had a favorite superhero.
I always talked about her and frequently mentioned her to my girlfriend.
I didn’t do this because I wanted to make her feel bad.
It was just natural for me to tell her about my new friend.
But she didn’t like it.
She said I was so interested in mentioning the other lady’s name that I would find ways to talk about her.
At first, I just felt she was unnecessarily jealous, and maybe that was true initially.
However, towards the end, it became real even to me.
I was emotionally bonding with someone else, and it was affecting my relationship.
However, it was too late to do anything at that point.
My ex-girlfriend had also found someone else to bond with.
When your man frequently brings up a particular lady in conversations more times than others, it may be a sign that something is up.
This could be a sign that she occupies his thoughts more than anything else.
That may be the reason he speaks about her all the time.
After all, it is out of the abundance of the heart that a man speaks.
4. He keeps secrets
One time, my next-door neighbor was living with her boyfriend, and they seemed like lovebirds.
At some point, he gravitated towards me.
So, we would gist and play video games together.
The truth is that we were becoming great pals.
So, I had a front-row seat to his emotional entanglement with another girl.
It started so innocently but grew into something much less innocent.
At some point, he started coming to my place, ostensibly to talk to me, but in reality, he was there to call the other lady.
He did this almost every day.
And one day, he almost got caught by his girlfriend.
She suspected his weird behavior and burst into my apartment when he was in the middle of a call, but he quickly ended the call.
So he didn’t get caught.
My point is that when a guy is emotionally bonding with someone else, he usually tries to keep his conversations with her secret.
Sometimes, he may be innocently talking to her, but subconsciously, he knows you won’t be happy to see his interactions with her.
Because of this, he may become very secretive.
If he starts to guard his phone like a treasure chest or becomes vague about his whereabouts, it might be a sign that he is emotionally bonding with someone else and doesn’t want you to know about it.
When a man emotionally bonds with someone else, he may feel the need to keep it secret because he feels guilty about the connection.
5. He stops confiding in you
When your man stops confiding in you, it is usually a sign of terrible things to come.
One thing I have noticed about relationships is that when you love someone, you want to share a bit of yourself with that person.
So, you share your dreams, goals, fears, and weaknesses with them because you love them and want them to know you.
If your man used to be ready to share private details about himself but suddenly stopped for some time, it could be a sign that something is wrong.
He stops sharing personal details with you, and you may be ready to chalk it down as him being stressed or going through a tough patch, but if he displays the other signs above, it could just be confirmation that he is confiding in someone else.
The truth is that if your partner has a confidant and the person isn’t you, you are not yet in a relationship.
You are really just dating yourself.
6. He avoids intimacy with you
Intimacy comes in two folds in relationships: emotional and physical intimacy.
I think I have already dealt with the emotional distance a man exhibits when he is emotionally bonding with someone else.
However, it doesn’t end here.
Emotionally bonding with someone else also affects physical intimacy in a relationship.
Physical intimacy is not all about sex, and in this context, I am talking about affectionate gestures like hugs, kisses, holding hands, and other physical gestures.
For married folks, a sign that he is emotionally bonding with someone else is the drastic reduction in physical intimacy.
He no longer displays a desire to initiate sex, and whenever you do, he responds in a lukewarm manner.
For those who are not yet married, it may manifest in him avoiding any form of physical closeness to you or being affectionate with you.
When he is even affectionate with you, it may feel more like he is just being dutiful and nothing more.
The point is that if he’s less affectionate or avoids physical closeness, it might be because his emotional needs are being met elsewhere.
7. He develops new interests and hobbies
I should probably be ashamed of what I am about to say, but I will still say it.
I never liked the idea of volunteering during my free time.
I failed to see the fun in spending my free time plogging or doing some other societal good.
The only thing I loved doing and could do during my free time was teaching.
I loved to teach people.
I loved to feel like I was shaping the minds of future leaders.
My ex tried to get me to volunteer but to no avail.
But the other lady just had to say she was a plogger, and I immediately jumped on the train.
I started talking about the environmental impact of a clean environment.
In fact, I developed a theory that linked cleanliness with being intelligent.
And the next time they were out plogging, I went with them and had fun.
That was how I started volunteering because of the other lady.
She also made me attend tech programs.
The truth is that when a man suddenly develops new hobbies and interests, the odds are he is being motivated by an attraction to someone who loves those things.
Emotional bonds are easily built over shared activities and interests.
They are also sustained by them.
So, if your man is suddenly doing something he wouldn’t have done before, it could be a sign that he is emotionally bonding with someone else.
I know a guy who started reading books because the other lady loved novels.
He felt that it was a common ground to bond with her.
8. He is irritable with you
No matter how much you love someone, there will always be times when you lose your patience with them.
There is nothing new about this.
However, if your man is becoming increasingly irritable when he relates with you, it could be a sign that he is emotionally bonding with someone else.
Remember my neighbor and her boyfriend?
Well, her boyfriend started snapping at her without any provocation around the same time he met the other lady.
I noticed this because they spent a lot of time around me.
At some point, I asked him what he planned on doing about his relationship because he was obviously beginning to have second thoughts.
He told me he had no idea, but I could sense the breakup coming.
There were too many snappy comments between them for it not to happen.
If your man acts irritable or defensively when you ask about his day or who he is talking to, it is a sign that he is probably hiding something.
He doesn’t want to explain how he spent his time with the other lady since he knows you may disapprove of it.
When a man is emotionally bonding with someone else, he may be irritable with you, especially when you ask probing questions.
It is usually a way of evading the question.
9. You just know it
At some point, my ex looked at me and said, “You just don’t feel like the guy I fell in love with. Something has changed”.
Of course, I didn’t admit my guilt.
I instead made her feel like she was just overthinking things.
Deep within, I knew that she was right, though.
Sometimes, your intuition can be the most telling sign.
If you feel something is off, that feeling is worth paying attention to.
Emotional bonds are subtle, but they can create noticeable shifts in behavior.
We often pick up on these changes in our subconscious without noticing them until they become too big to handle.
If you have noticed the signs above in your relationship, the odds are your man is emotionally bonding with someone else.
This can be a very painful discovery.
However, through the hurt and pain, you need to take stock of things.
Emotional bonding with someone else doesn’t always mean the end of a relationship, but it’s a sign that something needs to be addressed.
You need to decide if you want to address that “something.”
In my case, my ex decided that she was tired of fighting, and I didn’t blame her for her decision.
I only have myself to blame for doing that to her.
If you decide to work on your relationship, open communication and honesty are key to understanding and resolving these issues.
It may be time to have a heartfelt discussion with your partner about the relationship’s future.
The outcome of this discussion will determine your next actions.
A Sidenote To The Men
Emotional entanglements are quite easy to get into and very difficult to get out of.
Most of the time, they lead to the destruction of your relationship before you get out of it.
This is why you should be careful in your interactions.
The moment you start feeling undue attachment to someone else, you need to distance yourself if you value your relationship.
Dear ladies, this is not just for the men.
That warm fuzzy feeling you get when you think of that other guy is a sign you should reduce your interaction with him if you value your relationship.
If you don’t, then you should learn to end things the right way.