9 Things That Make A Man So Angry In A Relationship - Olubunmi Mabel

I have seen many ladies complain about how some men get very angry in relationships.

Let’s face it: everyone gets angry.

We all just have different ways of reining our tempers in.

However, certain things are guaranteed to have even the most self-controlled guy frothing at the mouth with rage.

These things mostly happen in relationships.

And if we are actually being factual, no one knows how to push our buttons more than the people we love the most.

While I am not here to make excuses for how your man expresses his anger, I also want to help you avoid getting him so angry.

If your man reacts irrationally when angry, then anger management classes will benefit him.

However, let me start by helping you identify those things that can make a man so angry in a relationship.

Some of them may seem mundane to you, but they mean a lot to men.

Come along, let’s see what they are…

1. You Overthink Everything

I must start by saying some men overthink too.

So, this is not even a gender-specific thing.

For the most part, people who overthink usually have this way of imagining the worst possible scenario in almost any situation.

One guaranteed thing that makes a man so angry in a relationship is when you overthink everything he says or does.

Most men say and do things simply without putting too much thought into undertones.

So, it may come as a shock to them when something they did innocently is given a sinister tag.

At first, they may try to be patient and understanding especially if the relationship is just starting.

After all, trust is earned not just given.

Their hope is that with time, you will be able to restrain yourself from overthinking everything they say or do.

When they see that your overthinking tendencies don’t show any sign of waning, they may lose their patience and get really angry at you.

You don’t need to question his love for you because he isn’t responding to your texts today as fast as he did yesterday or because he spoke to you for fewer minutes due to his busy schedule.

Doing this to a man gets him really angry in the relationship because it seems like he is trying to be perfect so you don’t overthink things.

It puts a strain on the relationship.

Don’t overthink everything.

Stop it!

And don’t say, “That’s how I am. I overthink everything”.

No, that is not how you are.

You can be better than that.

2. You talk about your ex all the time

Well, I understand the need for transparency in relationships.

You want to tell your man about the things that happened in your last relationship.

And trust me, he wants to know.

At least to a reasonable extent.

When you get to the point that you mention your ex all the time, it begins to get on his nerves.

Really, he doesn’t want to know how your ex would have handled a situation better than he is handling it.

He doesn’t want to know about how your ex would take you on romantic dates.

He doesn’t want to know those things about your ex.

If you want to talk about your ex to your man, then you had better be telling how much he is better than your ex.

It hurts a man’s ego to be compared to his partner’s ex all the time and in no time, even the most levelheaded men would give in to anger.

Talking about your ex all the time is unhealthy.

Stop it!

3. You compare him with other men

Everyone hates being compared to other people unfavorably.

It is quite annoying and frustrating.

Trust me, I know how this feels because I once had a girlfriend who would compare with her male friends.

“Frank is doing this and that, but you are not serious with your life,”…

I understood that she wanted me to improve and become a better version of myself but she wasn’t going about it the right way.

She was pushy and would compare me with her male friends and we would end up getting angry at each other.

It wasn’t really helping.

I know you want to encourage your man to be a better version of himself but can you do this without comparing him with anyone?

When you compare your man to other men, the motivation to improve is lost and all he has left is resentment towards you.

If resentment is allowed to take root in your relationship, it will create a gulf the size of the Arctic Ocean between you.

Encourage him to be a better man.

Gently point out the areas he needs to work on while praising him for things he does well.

That’s how to help anyone improve themselves.

4. You are overdramatic

I remember telling my female friend that many females make excuses for bad behavior by saying that’s how they are.

My example was about a lady who would always be overdramatic with her boyfriend.

The guy was in a relationship with a certified drama queen, and she knew how to blow things out of proportion.

She has no trouble starting drama over the smallest things.

Things that could be settled in the privacy of their house were usually settled in full view of everyone in the neighborhood.

Some of us enjoyed her antics, but that was really because we weren’t in her boyfriend’s shoes.

I used to cringe inwardly for him.

He later ended the relationship, which, of course, led to another drama.

And I felt happy for him.

He looked more settled.

Look, you can’t be a drama queen all the time.

In fact, you shouldn’t be a drama queen at all.

Blowing things out of proportion is a major thing that can make a man angry in a relationship…

Angry enough to actually end the relationship.

5. You degrade the things he loves

It’s normal for you and your partner to have different hobbies.

You may have some common ones, but it doesn’t have to be everything.

After all, you were a person before you met them and you will still be one even if you are married.

I love to read novels, watch movies, and watch sports whenever I am free.

They are all activities that I love so much.

My ex loved the first two, but she had never seen the attraction of sports.

She would belittle my love for football and sometimes try to compete for my attention when I am seeing a football game.

Really, I don’t really understand why some women feel the need to compete with sports in a man’s life.

You can’t just speak about things he loves disparagingly because you don’t share his love for them.

Even when you don’t share his love for them, it is normal for you to show respect for them.

You shouldn’t be attempting to compete with the things he loves neither should you speak about them disparagingly.

It doesn’t really need to be hobbies.

It could be some possessions that hold sentimental value for him.

It’s not only love that men desire.

They desire respect too.

6. You force him to be vulnerable with you

Vulnerability is one of the necessities of any successful relationship.

Many men, however, struggle with being vulnerable with their partners.

While this is a shortcoming on the part of the men in question, demanding or forcing them to be vulnerable with you doesn’t help matters.

In fact, it only makes them defensive and angry.

This is one of the things that makes a man so angry in a relationship.

Instead of forcing him to be vulnerable, you should tactfully approach the situation.

You are in a relationship with a man who is concerned about something.

You apparently feel like you need to know, and that’s not a wrong feeling.

However, instead of forcing him to talk, you can speak to him calmly and let him know you are open to talking to him whenever he decides to share.

That’s how to handle this situation.

I know it’s not easy, but I trust in your ability to do even tough things.

7. He feels ignored

“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”?

You surely haven’t seen a man react to being ignored.

His reaction may be something similar to a volcanic eruption.

Men love attention in relationships, and when they don’t get it, they may just get angry.

This is especially true if you are ignoring him because you feel like he offended you.

In relationships, conflicts are necessary.

They should however be resolved with maturity.

Expecting someone who offended you to just know he offended you and apologize is not maturity.

If your partner does something you don’t like, then you need to tell them you don’t like what they did.

Let them know what they did wrong.

Ignoring him or giving him a cold shoulder may only serve the purpose of making him really angry at you.

8. You give him ultimatums

Ultimatums may work in the military or other hierarchy-based interactions.

However, in romantic relationships, they are quite useless.

The fact that you feel you need to give your man to ultimatums is a sign that something is very wrong with your relationship.

It’s like you are threatening him with punishment if he doesn’t do something within a particular timeframe.

Men don’t like being threatened especially not by the woman they love.

Even if he wants to do it, giving him ultimatums may make him decide not to.

This is because it will look like he did it because of your threat and one thing most men don’t want to be perceived as is being weak.

Ultimatums are one sure way to make a man angry in a relationship.

Avoid the temptation to give them if you still value your relationship.

9. Stress and other external factors

Sometimes, men can get so angry in relationships, and it’s not even your fault as the partner.

They may just be reacting to stress and other external issues that may be putting a strain on them.

We all try to handle stress without transferring aggression to the people we love, but sometimes, it’s just not possible to keep our lives compartmentalized.

Sometimes, stress from work, financial issues, and family matters may spill over into the relationship.

Your man may become irritable because of those things he is facing in his life.

It’s not your fault…

He doesn’t know how to tell you, but his irritable behavior is a cry for help.

He desires your support during this period and doesn’t know how to ask for help.

Men need to know how to do better when it comes to opening up to their partners.

Opening up to the people you love can never be a weakness.

We can’t do it alone, and that’s why we have relationships…

Support systems when it feels like life is going out of control for us.

Here, you have them…

The things that make a man so angry in a relationship.

Now that you know them, you don’t need to tiptoe around your man or act like you are scared of him erupting.

You should rather focus on improving yourself even while he also works on other aspects like anger management and vulnerability.

The fact is that anger is not necessarily a bad thing.

It is the way it is expressed that makes it bad.

Regardless of your gender, one thing you must always learn to keep a rein on is your temper.

You will be a happier person when you learn to control your temper.