9 Things Women Think About During Physical Intimacy - Olubunmi Mabel
Physical intimacy isn’t always a perfect, out-of-this-world experience where two people are completely lost in the moment.
No, love.
Especially for us women who are juggling many roles and responsibilities, our minds tend to wander during those intimate moments.
Sure, it can be magical, but if you’re a woman, you know your mind doesn’t always stay in the moment.
It wanders, and sometimes, it wanders far.
And guess what?
That’s completely normal.
The brain is a busy place, even when your body is doing something completely different.
In fact, it’s sometimes helpful to think about stuff while doing the do, depending on what you are thinking about anyway. lol.
So, let’s see some things women think about while getting intimate:
1. “Their Crush”
Do you know how many women have a crush on Idris Elba, Shemar Moore, or even Chris Hemsworth?
In fact, I once saw a woman’s comment on one of Shemar Moore’s IG posts saying she has a framed picture of him in her bedroom.
If she can go to such a length to express her crush on him, imagine what could go through her mind during physical intimacy with her partner.
Women may not want to admit it, but many experience that sometimes, during physical intimacy, a fleeting image of your crush sneaks its way into your mind.
Your crush doesn’t necessarily have to be a celebrity; it could be someone at work, a friend’s friend, or even your partner’s attractive friend.
Before you start feeling guilty or panicking, let me tell you: this doesn’t mean you don’t care about your partner or want to act on your thoughts.
It’s just one random, human-brain thing that happens when you least expect it.
Crushes often symbolize excitement or mystery.
They’re built on an idealized version of a person, and we tend to project our desires and fantasies onto them.
But in reality, they’re just a fantasy – not the perfect person that our brain may trick us into thinking.
I usually tell people that if they get close to their crush and get to know them, they’ll probably find out they’re not as amazing as they seem and lose their crush status.
People in real life are imperfect and messy.
That’s why true love is often found in the imperfections and accepting someone for who they truly are.
You can’t love someone if you don’t know their flaws and quirks.
So, during intimacy, when your emotions and sensations are heightened, your brain might latch onto that idealized spark, especially if it’s craving something it associates with that crush—be it attention, fun, or something new.
Don’t panic or overthink it.
A crush popping into your head during intimacy doesn’t mean you’re disloyal or unhappy in your marriage.
It’s like a stray thought—acknowledge it and let it pass.
But, if this happens often or becomes more than a passing thought, find out what’s happening beneath the surface.
Do you feel like something is missing in your relationship?
If so, talk to your husband about it.
Share what excites you and how you can spice up things in the bedroom.
After all, what makes crushes appealing is the sense of thrill and the unknown—two things that can exist in a committed relationship if both partners are open to exploring them.
2. “Their Insecurities”
Women are often portrayed as confident beings who have it all together, but the truth is, we all have insecurities.
Body image is a major struggle for many women, and it doesn’t just disappear when we’re with our partners.
I struggle with this, too.
Are you kidding me?
After carrying two heavy pregnancies, my body has changed drastically.
My tummy is bigger and flabby, my boobs are not as firm, but they are bigger (grateful for that, lol), and don’t even get me started on stretch marks.
Of course, I’ve gained weight, and I’m not as fit or toned as I used to be.
Do I think about my body during intimate moments with my partner?
Hell yes!
But that doesn’t mean he loves or finds me any less attractive.
Good thing he’s sapiosexual and loves me for my mind, not just my body, even though I’m still a beauty. hahaha
Who even made the rules on what a “perfect” body should look like?
Still, it’s hard to embrace and love our bodies when society constantly bombards us with unrealistic beauty standards.
And the thing about insecurities is that they are often magnified in our minds, but our partners see past them and love us for who we are.
But even in the most loving relationships, where your partner couldn’t be more into you, that little voice in your head sometimes says, “Do I look okay? Are they noticing that part of my body I don’t love?”
Anyways, when it comes to handling my body image issues in the bedroom, I wear lingerie that flatters my body but, more importantly, makes me feel sexy and confident.
And most importantly, I give myself grace.
Giving life to two amazing humans.
That’s the most important and noble work on the planet!
3. “Their To-Do List”
Yes, women are known for multitasking, which doesn’t stop in the bedroom.
We often have a mental to-do list running through our heads while trying to relax and enjoy intimacy.
I’m guilty of this, honestly.
I can be in the middle of a passionate moment with my husband and suddenly remember that I have to reply to an email or pay a bill.
It’s not that we don’t want to be present; it’s just that our brains are wired to constantly think about tasks and responsibilities.
Considering all that we have to tick off our to-do lists daily, it’s no wonder that sometimes we have trouble shutting off those thoughts during intimate moments.
4. “Their Fantasies”
You think men are the only ones who have fantasies?
No, dear.
We have them, too.
The difference is that society often expects us to keep those fantasies tucked away, hidden like a guilty little secret.
For years, we’ve been told that admitting to having sexual desires—let alone fantasies—makes us inappropriate, “too much,” or somehow less respectable.
And that kind of stigma doesn’t just vanish overnight.
So, women think about their fantasies during physical intimacy, and it’s perfectly normal.
In fact, it even enhances the experience.
I tell my husband that there’s no way I can climax without imagining things.
It’s not that I don’t want to be fully present with him; it’s just that I can’t help but let my mind wander to a steamy scenario that turns me on.
Some women’s fantasies might involve a romantic scenario, like being swept off their feet on a beach at sunset.
For others, it’s something adventurous or unconventional—something they might not even want to try in real life but enjoy thinking about.
That said, fantasies can also be a window into what you crave emotionally or physically.
Real women shared their fantasies in ”My Secret Garden” by Nancy Friday.
I just bought my copy.
I want to know what real women like me fantasize about. lol.
5. “Am I Doing This Right?”
No matter how long you’ve been in this physical intimacy game, this question sneaks into your mind occasionally.
Because you love your man and you want to satisfy him.
“Am I doing this right? Does this feel good for him? Should I move this way instead of that way?”
You might wonder.
Society doesn’t help; movies and TV show us scenes that look effortless and perfectly choreographed.
I once asked my husband in the middle of a movie, ”Do people really do this in real life?”
Because it seems so exaggerated to me.
Physical intimacy is rarely “perfect.”
It’s messy, spontaneous, and beautifully human.
So, you’re probably overthinking way more than your husband ever would.
He’s probably just happy to be there with you, enjoying the moment.
He’s not keeping score or critiquing your every move.
If he’s engaged, responsive, and reciprocating, you’re already doing it “right.”
But if you want to be sure, just ask him.
I do the same.
”Do you like it?” or ”Does this feel good?” I ask.
And if you think you can do better, you can read books and listen to or consult experts.
6. “I Forgot to Shave!”
Sometimes, the grooming guilt can sneak up on you in the most inconvenient moments.
Maybe you’ve been too busy or just forgot, but as you’re getting hot and heavy with your partner, suddenly it hits you – you didn’t shave!
I always keep a shaving stick in the shower to prevent surprises like this. lol
7. “Did I Lock the Door?”
This is especially common if you have kids.
You don’t want your kids to walk in on you and your partner in the middle of a steamy session.
It’s one of the most awkward things that can happen to you as parents.
So, it’s natural that midway through, your brain may suddenly shift to “Did I lock the door? What if someone walks in?!”
I usually get up to confirm or ask my man to.
Better safe than sorry.
8. “I’m Starving… What’s for Dinner?”
Physical intimacy is not just pleasurable—it’s work, y’all!
You’re burning calories, engaging muscles, and expending energy, which is why you might think about food during it.
And if it’s been a while since your last meal, you may feel hungry and distracted.
Physical intimacy activates your body in ways that can trigger a need for sustenance, especially after a long day.
And hunger is your body’s polite (or not-so-polite) reminder that it’s time to refuel.
9. “Wow, I Really Love This Man”
Not all thoughts are awkward or funny.
Sometimes, you’re so overwhelmed with love and gratitude that you can’t help but think about how much this person means to you.
You’re fully present, soaking in every moment and realizing just how lucky you are.
I can relate to this feeling, and it’s a beautiful one.
Physical intimacy, for us women, is as much about the mind as it is about the body.
Your thoughts might wander, you might overthink, and you might even find yourself laughing at the randomness of it all.
The key is to stay connected with your partner and focus on the experience.
So, let those silly thoughts come and go, and enjoy the beautiful, messy, and very human experience of being close to someone you care about – your husband.
