How To Be Thankful When It’s Not Easy - Lisa E Betz
Sometimes I wish Thanksgiving wasn’t in late November. Late fall feels dreary to me. The trees are bare, and the days are short. It seems an odd time to focus on being thankful. But perhaps that’s exactly the point—a reminder to be thankful when it’s not easy.
When life is going well, it’s not difficult to stop and list a few reasons to be grateful. However, when life sucks, when we’re facing grief or illness or disappointment, it’s much harder to find reasons to be thankful.
Harder, but worth it. Because a thankful heart is good for the soul.
Thankfulness is a habit
As any parent knows, kids don’t learn to say “please” and “thank you” unless we teach them. Saying “thank you” is a wonderful habit to develop, whether you’re three or ninety-three.
Similarly, an attitude of thankfulness must be practiced. Our natural inclination is to fixate on what has gone wrong. This is called the negativity bias. VeryWellMind.com describes negativity bias this way:
As humans, we tend to:
- Remember traumatic experiences better than positive ones.
- Recall insults better than praise.
- React more strongly to negative stimuli.
- Think about negative things more frequently than positive ones.
- Respond more strongly to negative events than to equally positive ones.
All of which means it takes consistent and intentional effort to maintain a thankful heart. The more we practice gratitude in happy times, the easier we’ll find it to be thankful when it’s not easy.
Practice thankfulness
Make it a regular part of your day. Many people like to begin or end their day by spending a few moments journaling or thanking God for blessings. You might benefit from a daily reminder. Set a daily timer on your phone and pause for a minute of thankfulness before continuing with your task. Or add a “task” to your calendar to remind you to take time for gratitude.
See thankfulness as returning the blessing. Think of gratitude as part of a cycle. Good things flow to us from God or from others. In return, we bless them in return by being thankful. If you’ve ever appreciated a thank you note, you know how thankfulness can bless someone.
“Gratitude is the way the heart remembers — remembers kindnesses, cherished interactions with others, compassionate actions of strangers, surprise gifts, and everyday blessings. By remembering we honor and acknowledge the many ways in which who and what we are has been shaped by others, both living and dead.” ~ Robert Emmons
Ask God for help. If you’re struggling to be grateful, ask God to help you notice reasons to be thankful. That’s a prayer he’s happy to answer.
Categories of thankfulness you might be overlooking
I tend to think of gratitude only in terms of the blessings I see around me, but that’s only one of four main categories to consider. Here’s a look at all four, along with some questions to help you see these facets at work in your life.
Blessings: Gratitude for all the good things in our lives. To notice blessings, ask question like: What went well today? What worked like it was supposed to? Who complimented me, treated me nicely, or made me smile?
Mercy: Are you thankful for those times when you’ve been forgiven? Or for moments when you received kindness you weren’t expecting (and maybe didn’t deserve). To notice moments of mercy, ask questions like: When was someone kind despite my crappy attitude? Did others extend forgiveness to me or give me another chance?
Protection: This is more than a quick “Thank you, Lord!” after a close call. Are you thankful for the safety and protection you enjoy each day? We tend to take safety for granted and pay little attention to those who work hard to protect us (until something bad happens). But imagine what life would be like if those layers of protection weren’t there—no firemen, emergency room doctors, night watchmen, etc. To notice more reasons to be thankful for the safety we enjoy each day, consider uneventful daily commutes and all the things that didn’t break, spill, or burst into flame (but could have).
Growth: Are you thankful for lessons that help you grow, both as a person and in your skills? Consider the moments when an expert or mentor takes time to teach you something? It’s easy to be thankful in those situations, but have you ever considered life lessons as a reason to be grateful? Leaning from mistakes is definitely a chance to be thankful when it’s not easy, but aren’t you glad you can learn from your mistakes instead of being forever doomed to repeat them? To notice reasons to be thankful for opportunities to learn and grow, ask questions like How have I grown this week? What cool things did I discover? What unhelpful beliefs have I overcome?
Are you ready to be thankful when it’s not easy?
I hope so.
Gratitude awakens another way of being in the world, one that nurtures the heart and helps to create a life of meaning and purpose. The old barriers no longer confine us and the old fears no longer constrict or claim us. Gratitude opens us to freedom, a sense of generosity, and connection to the wider world. ~ from Grateful.org
