How to Change Your Mind, Be Powerfully Transformed and Make Godly Decisions
A quick lesson on how to change your mind to make Godly decisions.
“Please don’t follow me. I just need to think” I said as I quickly closed the apartment door praying he would understand and not take this personally.
I grabbed the handrail to walk down the stairs and suddenly it hit me.
–I can’t break up with this guy. There is no more breaking up after marriage.
–I can’t leave when I get pushed to the limit, think the other person is unreasonable, or want to go on to my next adventure.
We had only been married a short time, but already I was realizing I had had no idea what real commitment was when I stood on the stage and said yes to forever. Never again can I just walk away and start fresh.
This is what commitment means. Never being able to break up or change your mind… no matter how impossible situations may seem.
Don’t get me wrong. Our situation wasn’t horrible. But when two people walk into a marriage, they both bring baggage.
My husband’s baggage was a fear of abandonment because of childhood trauma. This manifested by never ever wanting to be alone. Never.
My baggage was the desire to always be alone…except for those rare occasions where it was more fun to hang out with someone else… than I welcomed the company. But grocery stores, bike rides, errands around town…all private little events best done individually.
Growing up as the third of four kids, I wasn’t used to much attention thrown at me. My parents loved and supported me tremendously, but there were 4 of us.
There’s only so much attention to go around.
For example, my oldest sister tells me the story of my parents sitting her down to have “the talk” and it was this big deal with lots of awkward conversation. On the other hand, when it was my turn, I was given some books from 1950 to read on my own and “let her know if I have any questions.”
Third child attention.
And I get it. My first kid didn’t even see a french fry until she was 3. My third kid got them at 6 months.
With each kid, your ability to hyperfocus on every little detail diminishes. It doesn’t mean you love them any less, but there’s only so much time and attention available.
And I was used to less attention and a ton of space to do what I desired.
How to Change Your Mind
My desire for alone time equaled abandonment to him.
He fought feeling abandoned by lavishing more attention on me and spending more time together which in turn made me crave to be by myself which in turn made him feel abandoned. The cycle was exhausting.
I was used to third-child attention, and suddenly I married a man who wanted to give me first-child attention, and I felt like I was suffocating.
But as I looked at that handrailing and realized obeying God actually meant turning around and going back inside even when I didn’t want to, I had a choice in front of me.
Honor God or listen to my emotions, stay angry at my husband, and maybe even walk away from marriage.
Would I allow God to transform me in this moment or would I choose the easy way out?
We’ve all had this moment in life where internally we want to flee but yet we know God has asked us to change our mind and stay.
–There are small moments like committing to volunteer at a church event but then something better comes up and you feel conflicted about what to do.
–There are also larger moments in life where internally you’re conflicted about what to do…do you need to change your mind?
Maybe you’ve pledged financially to the church but you find yourself upset at a decision and so want to withhold your financial commitment. When you initially pledged, you felt led by God to do so but now your emotions are telling you to do something different.
Or maybe your marriage commitment is where you feel the internal conflict. Where once you stated “til death do us part” and knew God had joined you together, now you find yourself unhappy and think leaving will make life more fulfilling.
What Does the Bible Say About How to Change Your Mind?
Scripture often calls these struggles “the flesh”[1]. Our battle is often between our “flesh” and obedience to God.
God knew we would struggle with circumstances trying to dictate our obedience and so modeled his expectation clearly for us through all of scripture.
He promised Noah never again to flood the earth[2]. Then, just one chapter later, the people of God began to build their own tower and refused to obey God’s command to “fill the earth”, yet God didn’t destroy them. Instead, he graciously scattered them. [3]
They deserved to be destroyed. If I had been there and I had been so blatantly disrespected, I would have wanted to remove my blessing.
But God had committed to never destroying an entire people group again and kept his word…even when it got hard.
Or we can look at the commitment God made to Abraham stating he “will become the father of many nations” and “I will give you the land you are residing”[4]. This covenant, or commitment, drives the entire Old Testament.
The people rebelled against God, but God never abandoned his commitment to them. He rescued them from slavery, from exile, from battle, from harsh kings.
Over and over again God continued to step in and guide the Israelites to change their mind and move toward a commitment they didn’t always want to keep.
The circumstances did not dictate God’s decision to keep the commitment to his people.
In our current context, we often justify whether we fulfill a commitment with what we are feeling at the moment. However, feelings and circumstances don’t play into whether God fulfills his commitment or not.
God spends the entirety of redemptive history fulfilling his commitment and providing a way for people to enjoy the fulfillment of that commitment.
Ephesians 5:1 tells us “Therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children”.
When we think through our lives, we are to be imitators of God because we are his dearly loved children.
God didn’t take commitments lightly and didn’t allow circumstances to justify canceling his commitment.
As we look at our lives, we need to imitate God and do the same. This is often the first step in transformation and learning how to change your mind to be more like Christ.
Change Your Mind by Being Transformed
I didn’t want to walk back into the apartment, humble myself, and look for a way to honor my commitment to my husband.
Jesus himself prays “Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me.” (Luke 22:42)
The internal conflict pulling you to listen to your flesh will be strong at various points in your life, but we must continue to model Christ and say, “—nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done”.
As you learn to let His Spirit transform your life, your decisions will follow; you learn how to change your mind to be more like Jesus.
Internal transformation takes time, but as we learn to humble ourselves before God, and seek him in those moments where our flesh wants us to walk away from what God has asked us to do, transformation begins.
Learning how to change your mind and be transformed is a life-long process, but a process that can begin with a small decision to obey God regardless of the circumstances around you.
Author
Kari Minter
Kari is an author and Bible teacher with over a decade of experience teaching and a Master’s in Theological Studies. Connect with Kari on her website.
[1] Matthew 26:41
[2] Genesis 9:11
[3] Genesis 11:1-9
[4] Genesis 17:7-9
