How to Clarify What Matters and Why It Matters - Lisa E Betz

Do you tend to downplay your feelings? Ignore them completely? Or perhaps you put other people’s feelings above your own, and rarely speak up when your feelings are hurt. If this sounds like you, it’s likely you aren’t paying much attention to what your heart and soul are telling you. And that’s a problem, because when we’re not in touch with our inner self, we lose touch with what matters and why it matters.

Worse, much of our stress, frustration, and disappointment may be due to the disconnect between our inner convictions and our outward actions. We need a tool to help us remain more self-aware, so the disconnect doesn’t happen.

Recovering People Pleaser Tool #2: a stethoscope for self-awareness

A stethoscope allows a doctor to listen to what is going on inside a person. Many ailments aren’t visible from the outside. Thus, a stethoscope offers a simple means to discern the hidden truths of a body’s health.

Similarly, we need a metaphorical stethoscope to detect the hidden truths in our heart and soul. We can become so focused on paying attention to others and winning their approval that we forget to notice our own feelings and needs.

When we lose touch with our inner self, we stray from the path leading to our best potential, and instead wander slowly but steadily towards burnout and disillusionment.

Who wants that?

Learn to pay attention to the nudges of your feelings

God gave us emotions for a reason. Feelings are signals our body gives us, like lights on a dashboard. They signal what is going on deep inside our souls. For example, anger signals that one or more of our expectations have not been met and sadness signals that something needs to heal.

When we ignore the emotions, we also ignore the underlying problem they signal. And, when we ignore problems, they don’t go away. Instead, they simmer beneath the surface, slowly poisoning our interactions with others, or else building to an ugly eruption.

Fortunately, we can learn to pay closer attention to those emotional nudges. We can become more emotionally intelligent, which means we are more able to notice our feelings and correctly interpret what they are signaling about the truth in our souls.

To listen, we must silence the distractions

You can’t use a stethoscope if the ambient noise is too loud. Likewise, you and I need to silence the many distractions of life long enough to tune into our emotions, work through unresolved issues, and revisit our deeply held convictions.

The people around us, and our noisy, information-saturated world provide a constant roar of things we can pay attention to—from social media to our bossy and opinionated co-worker. With all that noise, it’s easy to ignore the small voice of our inner self.

However, if we hope to remain healthy and thriving, we must create times of silence so we can use our stethoscope and reconnect with our feelings,

Dialogue helps you clarify what matters and why it matters

When you’re out of practice with listening to your soul, it helps to dialogue with yourself. Journaling is an excellent way to dig into your inner truth, but if writing isn’t your cup of tea, try talking out loud. (Yes, I mean talking to yourself. Out loud.)

I know from personal experience that talking to yourself—either verbally or freehand on paper—is a powerful tool for clearing all the junk out of your head and digging deeper into things you’ve been ignoring.

Begin with a simple question that will open the way for productive dialogue and understanding. Here are a few ideas:

• What moments of delight did I have this past week?
• What worries me most about the future? Why?
• What makes me feel most alive?
• Am I holding on to something I need to let go of?
• What am I angry about? Why does it matter to me?

Why is all this touchy-feely stuff important?

Because knowing what matters to your soul helps you make better choices.

Knowing why it matters emboldens you to stand up for your position, say no to a request, or hold fast to your decision instead of giving way to your old people pleasing habits. (Again.)

The more you understand and honor your inner self and the signals your emotions are sending you, the easier it will be to advocate for yourself instead of allowing others to bulldoze you into their agendas and preferences.  

Remember, you are the only one who can listen to the nudges of your heart and soul. You are responsible for using your emotional stethoscope to monitor your inner health and wellbeing.

Summary

Living in integrity with myself includes listening to the signals my heart, body and spirit are giving me. I need to silence or set aside the distractions of life to use my stethoscope of self-awareness. When I pat attention to the nudges of my emotions and use God’s wisdom to interpret them, it will help me understand what matters most and why it matters. This knowledge will enable me to make better choices, stick to my convictions, and advocate wisely for myself and others.

Tool #2 The Stethoscope of Self-Awareness