How to forgive my father?

What if my father has never been a father to me? How can I forgive him? Or does he deserve to be forgiven? 

Not all children grow up with a loving and responsible dad. Some fathers are alcoholics or abusers, and others neglect their kids. 

Probably, their mistakes have shaped their lives in a lot of negative ways. 

Some children grew up fearing what their dads might do to them whenever they got drunk or took drugs. 

At the same time, others may have grown up resenting them for abandoning them and suffering hardships.

Regardless of what they did wrong, why do we have to forgive them? 

Also, how are we supposed to forgive someone who is expected to be our protector but is the one who destroys our lives?

Why do we need to forgive a cruel dad

Forgiveness is about experiencing greater joy and freedom. When we stop resenting someone, we allow ourselves to be free from pain. 

Also, we take the next step forward to move on in our lives. 

Moreover, forgiveness does not mean that the other person’s action is valid. 

It is about showing grace to them because we, too, have received undefined grace from God. 

Remember that we have fallen short of God’s glory and are sinners. Yet, we are all justified freely by God’s grace through the redemption that came through Jesus Christ. (Romans 3:23-24)

Though God does not want to manipulate us and force us to forgive our fathers, he knows and understands our pain. He comforts us amidst our brokenness. 

However, the more we take care of our resentments toward our fathers, the more it hinders us from being happy and experiencing the true essence of God’s forgiveness. 

None of us deserve forgiveness, yet God did not hesitate to give us a chance to be forgiven. We should also try to do it to our human fathers who have hurt or forsaken us.

More importantly, resentment is like a virus that kills us, not the person we resent. This unconsciously kills us little by little.

How do I forgive my father 

No one wants to be mad at their parents forever. However, some are left with no choice but to resent their fathers due to the pain and suffering they endured because of them.

If you have been struggling with anger toward your dad, here are some ways to help you forgive and free yourself from pain.

Choose to forgive

The first step to forgiveness is to decide to do it daily. Remember that no matter how hard and painful it can be, you always choose to forgive. 

Tell yourself that you must forgive your father for his and your benefit. Anger never causes any progress and will always lead you to destruction. 

Decide to overcome this feeling so you can be happy and enjoy life.

Additionally, forgiveness does not require your father’s knowledge or consent. Likewise, they do not need to ask for it before you forgive them.

Surrender to God

Forgiving someone who has hurt us is impossible until we allow God to intervene. 

Satan is using our pain to resent our fathers, which could lead us to self-destruction. He would make us believe that our pain is heavier than our love for them.

Yet, with God’s power, He would help us heal and forgive even if our dad would not ask for forgiveness. You are not alone on this journey. 

The more you devote your time to God, the more He will teach you how to forgive and move on. 

You are forgiven to forgive

Satan will make you believe that your father does not deserve our forgiveness. He would do everything to make our anger grow toward them. 

However, when we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, He washes away our sins and is faithful to forgive us. 

We might say we are not God and could easily forgive even those who did not ask for it. Still, through God’s grace and help, we have been given the power to do it, even if it takes time.

Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if you have a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” 

Take baby steps

Forgiveness takes time. But in your waiting, remember to stay connected with the Lord. God would guide you and heal all your wounds as you walked with Him daily. 

You do not have to rush it; try to make little progress daily. For instance, try to avoid thinking of the negative impacts you experienced because of your dad, then think of some good things about him. 

Forgiving others may be painful because you can still remember your suffering. Yet, if you keep stepping forward, you will eventually see progress. 

Seek professional help

Some children suffer from a very traumatic experience with their fathers and need someone to walk them through forgiveness. 

You could ask for help from a therapist, church pastors, or other leaders to mentor you. 

Do not hesitate to seek professional help; otherwise, it could lead you to depression and feeling down. 

Moreover, pastors, church leaders, and professionals are God’s way of helping and guiding you so you can be free from your pain. 

Seek to understand

We live in a fallen world where even those who hurt us are victims of the rulers of the earth. We must try to understand that our fathers were also victims of Satan. 

Most fathers who abuse and neglect their children also experience suffering from their fathers when they are young. 

They may feel that they do not have the luck to have that kind of dad, and as they grow up, their pain continues to grow.

Since Jesus Christ has saved us from the bondage of sin, we need to understand that our fathers also required salvation. 

God can use us to redeem them when they see how we imitate God by forgiving them even if they do not ask. 

Time is running

We must admit that no matter how bad our father is, we still love them and seek their validation. We are designed to long for a father and do not have the luxury of time.

Life is uncertain, and we do not know when to be with them. Thus, as much as possible, let us not waste our time nurturing our brokenness but use our time to learn to forgive. 

Living in regret over being unable to say they are forgiven is difficult.

Sadly, some children regret setting their fathers free from their anger when they are dead. As we walk in righteousness, we will understand that love bears all things. 

Also, in love, there is no record of wrongdoing. 

Therefore, rather than resenting, try your best to forgive and use the time left to express your love for your parents. They are not getting any younger.

Be compassionate

Compassion does not mean we accept their actions; it is about understanding the root cause of their actions. 

Remember that no one is perfect, even us children. Yet, God, our Heavenly Father, was so compassionate as to accept us and forgive our sins. 

His love is so great that He chose us over our sins so we could reconnect with Him. 

Let us make our love more significant than our pain, no matter how difficult it can be.