How to Overcome Discouragement - Serenity in Suffering

Cruel words, a thoughtless email, careless remarks; I feel like I am drowning in discouragement. Unseen, ignored, longing for a kind word, yet none comes. Days flow into weeks, yet it is as though I am invisible, can no one see that I am drowning? Sometimes I can’t seem to figure out how to overcome discouragement.

Discouragement can result from complex situations, or chronic setbacks. Its causes and manifestations are different for everyone. I don’t claim to have a silver bullet cure, but I have experienced hope and encouragement through a few practices that I share here.

Discouragement vs Depression

Many people equate discouragement with depression. While discouragement can lead to depression, they differ significantly in meaning. We can define discouragement as “a loss of confidence or enthusiasm“. Depression on the other hand, has a definition that speaks of “severe despondency and utter rejection“. I notice despair linked to both these words on occasion.

Depending on your personality type, you may lean more towards a despair component in your times of discouragement. This doesn’t quite put it in the depression category, but speaks to a level of more chronic discouragement.

“The past is to be learned from, not lived in”

Jeffrey R. Holland

Destination Discouragement

To understand how to overcome discouragement, you must first understand how you got there. The sources of discouragement vary with each person, but often have a common thread of unmet expectations. We all have an outcome based mentality. We “expect” things to progress a certain way. When that doesn’t happen, discouragement sets in.

Sometimes we experience a genuine failure after trying so hard to accomplish something. Other times we expect an outcome that just doesn’t materialize. I actually don’t get discouraged over failures, as I realize failure is a learning experience and I can always try again. However I do struggle with getting attached to outcomes. I often envision something in my mind and convince myself that it’s going to happen a certain way. When it doesn’t happen, I fall into discouragement.

Dangers of Discouragement

Discouragement happens to everyone, that thought serves me well when I get tunnel vision thinking I’m alone in this. Lingering in discouragement saps your energy and vision, while consuming all of your time. Procrastination sets in and before long you find your self stuck. You may even find that everyone around you has suddenly “caught” your ailment.

When I wrestle with discouragement, my thoughts turn inward and I seek to ‘comfort” myself. While comfort serves a good purpose even in discouragement, it often results in escapism. I use escapism as an avoidance tactic designed to help me flee whatever emotions I may feel. Thankfully learning how to overcome discouragement in a positive way, has helped me to grow personally rather than to stagnate with poor coping skills.

How Did You Get Here?

These are a few tried and true ways that I find work in most situations. Most deal with a change in perspective, while others are designed to help you work through difficult emotions or begin to problem solve. Some are simple, easy things to do for relief in the moment, and some will teach you new ways to navigate forward.

• Accept where you are. Don’t be hard on yourself; give yourself some grace and accept that discouragement happens to everyone at some point. The first step out of discouragement starts with acknowledging that you feel discouraged.
• Assess how you got here. Maybe your discouragement is the result of a failure, maybe poor treatment from others. Did unmet expectations play a part? Attaching yourself to a particular outcome is another probable cause. Try to explore the root cause of your discouragement without generalization or judgement.

• Explore your emotions. What emotions come to the surface? Discouragement can bring out anger, sadness, hopelessness or resentment. Sometimes you feel more than one emotion. Welcome all emotions without judgement; accept what you feel without trying to stop it. “What you resist, persists”, is a shortened version of a quote by Carl Jung. To explore this interesting psychological paradox, check out this blog post.
• Realize that discouragement is shrouded in fear. Sometimes when discouragement results from failure, you fear trying again. You fall prey to procrastination and remain “stuck”. Failure is not defeat, it just means what you tried didn’t work. It doesn’t mean nothing will work. At times discouragement and procrastination result from the fear OF failing.

Change Your Perspective

Once you recognize and understand your own discouragement more clearly, you can move towards regaining your confidence and hope. By taking time to move through the previous points, you begin to change your perspective from an inward “self-focused” perspective to a bigger picture mentality.

Remember, regardless of the cause of your discouragement, whether self inflicted or inflicted by others, it subtly draws you inward. As I thought about this in my own times of discouragement I realized how focused on my “own” troubles I became. Self pity soon follows this inward perspective, making it more difficult to overcome.

Fine Tune Your Focus

Enjoy the simple pleasures of life. Instead of focusing on what didn’t work or what might not work, or what went wrong, focus on the present.

• Get outside, even if you simply sit in he sun. Nature is very healing to the spirit.
• Enjoy a cup of coffee or tea, or a glass of wine.
• Spend some down time reading a favorite book.
• Encourage yourself in God’s Word. There are many promises in the Bible to lift your spirit and renew your strength.
• Connect with a close friend just for fellowship, not to re-hash everything.
• Encourage or serve someone else that needs a friend.
• Practice gratitude. This one thing alone will totally alter your perspective. Gratitude is a powerful tool to lift your mood, encourage you and help you focus on all of the things that are right in your world.

“Fear not for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10

New Direction

Acknowledging and understanding your own discouragement begins the way forward to overcoming your discouragement. Working through a brief assessment of what may have caused your discouragement helps you to grow personally. By understanding the bigger picture, you handle future discouragement more quickly.

Celebrating the simple pleasures in life and practicing gratitude all work together to empower you to change your perspective. Seeing new, creative ways of moving forward renews your confidence. In the end, learning how to overcome discouragement reveals a brave, invincible heart.