How a Husband Becomes a Priest
The magnificence of marriage, as set forth in the last verses of Ephesians 5, is portrayed with inspired insights into the husband’s role. No Hallmark card comes anywhere close!
We learn in these verses that the husband is to be a leader, a lover, a giver, a savior, a sanctifier, and a cleanser. That's a tall order!
As a leader, the husband is to initiate a ministry to his wife's spirit that will deepen their love in the most marvelous way.
As a lover, he is to commit to her godly good.
As a giver, he is to focus on her agenda and needs.
As a savior, he is to seek to salvage all that seems missing in her life.
As a sanctifier, he is to put her to good use (which is what sanctification means) as opposed to using her, a frequent complaint from many wives.
As a cleanser, he is to be tender and wise in the ways he helps to strengthen her character.
What we have in this passage is the description of a married man who becomes a priest.
The word 'priest'—in the Latin, pontifex—literally means a bridge builder. And this is what a wife needs when it comes to getting closer to God—bridges, not barriers—a husband who will help and not hinder.
Physical oneness is good. Psychological compatibility is better. But when spiritual union is shared, the bonding that takes place is the best!
I Peter 3:7 says that husbands and wives are to be “heirs together of the grace of life.” Underscore that word, “together,” as opposed to a husband and wife worshiping and praying separately.
It is estimated that only four percent of Christian couples pray together. The spiritual side of life, if it exists at all, is pursued in an independent, unilateral, non-enmeshing way. So how does that reconcile with together?
To come together for worship, say, once a week would enrich a marriage in a meaningful way. As husband and wife humble themselves before God, declaring his worth in song and prayer, something wonderful happens in them.
From the very beginning, God saw quite clearly what loneliness was. The Lord knew husbands and wives could never fully know each other unless they experienced each other at this level.
Worship opens people up, revealing vistas to their inner life that couldn't have been known, much less shared, in any other way.
Talk about a husband being a priest, that thought is prominent in Ephesians 5:26 which speaks of a husband cleansing his wife with “the washing of water by the word.”
What a beautiful picture!
But for it to be that way in practice, there are some traps to avoid.
Harry Ironside, the great preacher from the previous century, reminded us that the husband, when undertaking this ministry, must be careful about the temperature of the water.
For example, he shouldn't use freezing water, displaying coldness and detachment when dealing with her shortcoming.
He shouldn’t use hot, scalding water as if her sin required this fiery indignation.
The water used should be warm and comfortable, just as his spirit should be when warmly nurturing her and comforting her during her spiritual growth.
If a husband is overly authoritarian, parental, or professorial, intent on straightening his wife out, this will not be an experience she’s going to look forward to.
To her, in that context, the Bible is going to feel like a weapon, and his words are going to feel like an attack.
Jack Mayhall said it well, the husband's leadership “is not a general commanding his army, a computer analyst pushing the right buttons, a master in charge of his slave.” The husband should be soft, approachable, caring and gentle.
His responsibility is to ensure an atmosphere where the Holy Spirit can do his work: It is not to take the Holy Spirit's place and do that work himself.
Besides, not even God would deal with a wife as some husbands do.
In the book of Genesis, for example, we see God confronting Adam about his sin in a very plain and direct way. God asks Adam straight out to tell him what exactly he had done.
However, a little later when God dealt with Eve, his approach was different. This is because the Lord knew that a woman doesn't like these hardball confrontations. Therefore, God asked Eve (in the Hebrew the nuances of this are made clearer) to tell him in her own way what had just occurred.
Of course, though God's approach was less confrontational, it was not to the point of avoidance or a cover-up.
In the Gospel of John, we see this same principle again. In John, chapter 3, Jesus stood nose to nose with Nicodemus, telling this well-known teacher and member of the Sanhedrin that he must be born again.
This was a conversation that moved rapidly and forcefully with exclamation points all over the place!
However, in the very next chapter, Jesus dealt with the woman at the well in the most winsome and gentle way. Too many commentators have missed this, thinking she was debating when she wasn’t. She was just being honest,
Knowing how curious a woman could be, Jesus appealed to that, saying, if you only knew....
He evangelistically entices her with each mention of the gift, the water, his identity, the true worship she is about to experience. Read it that way.
Even when Jesus deals with her past, she is once again honest; and Jesus once again speaks softly, lovingly, with comforting tones and not with prosecutorial aggression, saying in effect, I know, I know.
He knows, and he loves her.
There are only two times in the biblical record where Jesus directly discloses with unambiguous speech he is God. No symbolic language, no vague references. The first time he did that was to this woman.
This was the softest, most delightful conversion in all the Bible. It often brings me to tears when I read it. And the result was immediate and amazing!
She seeks those she had long been avoiding, And they who had long disregarded her with contempt, are so stunned by what they see in her — oh, the radiance of that face!— listen to her! And are persuaded by her!
She influenced the whole village to come to Jesus!
Remarkable! Absolutely remarkable!
The wise husband will take his cue from these examples, keenly aware that Sinai's fury isn't needed during these times of sharing the spiritual with his wife.
Ken Abraham offers the quote, “Some marriages are made in heaven... but so are thunder and lightning.” Well, none of that need occur if a husband will love his wife the Bible way.
He shouldn't be in too much of a hurry to teach—and, for sure, he shouldn't lecture. Instead, the husband should convey a sense of how he also is under God's Word and how he also needs a partner to help him with his sins.
He's not the only priest in the room, you know. Revelation 1:6 has a gender-neutral application, making clear that the wife is a priest, too.
While it is not true that Ephesians teaches mutual submission between husband and wife (I won't explain why here), it is true that a wise husband should be open to his wife's contributions to his spiritual life.
In his book, Living Happily Ever After, Bob Mumford confesses, “There have been times in my own life when I pounded the doors of Heaven and decided God must be out of town. Then would come a voice, 'Mumford, you a man of godly distinction, had better get together with your wife—remember'?”
There's that word again, together. The verse we cited earlier, I Peter 3:7, after using this word, goes on to say that failure to share the grace of life together with one's wife may very well result in the husband's prayers being hindered.
Wow! God seems to be saying, hold back from your wife and I'll hold back from you.
God is serious about husbands and wives sharing the grace of life together!
So will you do that, Mr. leader, lover, giver, savior, sanctifier, and cleanser?
