Joy in Singleness, part 2: Gifted to live singly for Jesus
Singleness in the church today. Singleness in the Body Christ is for His glory. Though there is a rightly heavy focus on married couples in preaching, ministering, and fellowship life, there are single people in the church. We know this by the data the Census and the Christian church demographics. Yet as the number of singles in the church increases, churches are grappling with how to effectively minister to this demographic of the family of Christ.
Many single people report that they feel left out, overlooked, or worse, are treated as second-class citizens in church life.
This is part two of a series on being single in today’s Christian church. I’d said in part one that we can drill down even further into examining what the Bible has to say about being single. In my view, there are two branches of singles. Some people are single because they are going through a life phase in God’s timing where marriage hasn’t happened for them yet, or they were married and are now widows or widowers, perhaps to marry again. I’m not discussing these singles, these precious folks who trust that God will provide a mate for them.
The other type of single today are men and women Jesus calls and ordains as single permanently. It’s the divinely ordained singles I’ll discuss. These are modern-day ‘eunuchs’, as Matthew 19:12 illustrates. The Bible directly teaches the gift of singleness, the status whereupon Jesus is forming people for His glory who will never marry, or if they were married, will never marry again. Rarely does preaching, ministry, or church fellowship reflect this biblical reality.
In this part I’ll look at what the scriptures have to say generally about singleness. In part 3 I’ll look at specifically named single individuals in the Bible and their work for the glory of Jesus.
In dividing singles into the two branches, the temporarily single as a phase of life and the sovereignly, ordained single as a permanent status, it allows churches to edify each by uniquely focusing on their special gift or need. Teaching about the gift of singleness also honors the Word of God as we preach or teach about this segment of our family demographic from scripture. The Bible specifically addresses the ordained single- but these verses seem to be invisible in today’s preaching and as a result, these folks are often invisible also.
But this demographic certainly was not invisible in the Bible! Yet with article titles like these,
–Why So Many Singles?
–Surviving Church as a Single
–Are Singles the Lepers of Today?
Is it any wonder many permanent singles wonder where and how to minister to the Body and honor Jesus in church?
Julia Stager at Randy Alcorn’s Eternal Perspective Ministries wrote,
I’ve always felt encouraged by how singleness is addressed from the pulpit. I hear how, being single, I have the opportunity to love and serve God in a way that’s undivided and different from how I can do it when I’m married. But things get a little more challenging in the foyer. It’s there I hear things like, “So, have you started dating anyone?” Or, “Whatever happened with you and that guy?” Or, “You’re so great. I can’t believe you’re not married!” These questions, though well-meaning, can come across as invalidating my singleness or as insinuating that the only goal of singleness is to end it.
The entire chapter of 1 Corinthians 7 focuses on marriage, singleness, lust, celibacy, and the duties of each person whether married at the time or not. Above all, one should understand that some people today in the body of Christ have been gifted with singleness. God has given a gift to the person and by extension to His Son’s Body.
Acknowledging this is paramount, an important step in puncturing church conceptions about permanent singles. Not to say some singles are better than anyone else, but simply to say that their lifestyle has been given them by Holy God and that ministering through this gift will bring blessing to His body of believers that seems uncommon today.
The great preacher John Stott was single for 90 years. His period in office was 1945–2010. He was interviewed specifically about singleness, in this article appearing just after his death in 2011.
We must never exalt singleness (as some early church fathers did, notably Tertullian) as if it were a higher and holier vocation than marriage. We must reject the ascetic tradition which disparages sex as legalized lust, and marriage as legalized fornication. No, no. Sex is the good gift of a good Creator, and marriage is his own institution.
If marriage is good, singleness is also good. It’s an example of the balance of Scripture that, although Genesis 2:18 indicates that it is good to marry, 1 Corinthians 7:1 (in answer to a question posed by the Corinthians) says that “it is good for a man not to marry.” So both the married and the single states are “good”; neither is in itself better or worse than the other.
We know marriage is a gift from God. In 1 Corinthians 7:6-7, Paul specifically addresses singleness as a gift for some.
Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.
John MacArthur said in his commentary on 1 Corinthians 7:6-7,
His comments were not meant as a command for every believer to be married. Marriage was instituted by God and is the norm for man-woman relationships, and it is a great blessing to mankind. But it is not required for believers or anyone else. His point was, if you are single, that is good, if you are married or get married, stay married and retain normal marital relations for that is of God. Spirituality is not determined by marital status.
This biblical truth is countered and overshadowed by “Christian” writers who unfortunately have much influence, especially over young women. Mommy bloggers like eventual apostate Glennon Melton who claim to be a ‘truth teller and hope spreader’ wrote in her oddly titled “Ways to Secure your Happyish Ever After“,
“Marriage is still the best chance we have to become evolved, loving people.”
Of course it is not true, as we see in the scripture above. Sadly, Melton’s insinuation is not uncommon, that if one is not married, one cannot become “evolved” or be loving in he same way the lucky marrieds can. Yet it is the Spirit Who grows us (if that is what is meant by ‘evolved’). Further, it is the Spirit Who delivers the spiritual fruit of love. (Ephesians 5:9, Galatians 5:22). Marriage is a God-given institution but it is not the marriage itself that grows a Christian into maturity. MacArthur commentary continues,
The attitude among Christians today about singleness, however, is often like that of the Jewish tradition in Paul’s day. It is looked upon as a second class condition. “Not so,” says the apostle. If singleness is God’s gift to a person, it is God’s will for that person to accept and exercise the gift. If that person is submissive to God, he can live in singleness all his life in perfect contentment and happiness.
Part 3 tomorrow
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Further Reading
Though this article still makes the assumption that all singles are going to be married, I can forgive it because many singles ARE going to be married. However for the permanent single, there is good advice for you here too—
Desiring God: Single, Satisfied, and Sent: Mission for the Not-Yet Married
Christianity Today: John Stott on Singleness
Biblical Christian Counseling Coalition: Single in the Church
GotQuestions: Does the Bible teach that there is a gift of celibacy/singleness?
Singled Out: Does the Church Ignore Singles?
Life does not begin at marriage. Life begins in the exact moment when we submit ourselves to Christ and make Him Lord, when the Holy Spirit comes to dwell within us and take residence within us.
