Hi friends!
I decided to write this post because I see it being weaponized against women that that there is a window of time for women to have children.
There are insinuations that women decline in worth and value once past their “fertile” years before age 30.
Especially, some “conservative” religious men are harsh and cruel, calling women who are childless and single “bitter cat ladies.”
I wrote this post to encourage every single woman out there not to settle for any reason, including because of societal pressures, mocking, and belittling.
Especially, those women who are single by choice because they are rightfully selective. Do not be discouraged.
You never lose any of your value. No matter what age you are. You are not defined based on whether or not you are fertile, a mother or wife. God has given you worth.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. God has different plans for every individual and some people may not live lives that look like what is believed to be conventional.
Such as getting married and having children. Or getting married by a certain age. If your timeline looks different than what society expects, that’s okay!
It is ideal to have children younger, but that is only if you can find the right, safe husband to procreate with and have a family with. Otherwise, it is not worth it.
According to research, both men and women fertility declines as they age. Not just women’s. The people who mock and belittle women for being single and childless seem to never acknowledge the scarcity of decent, good quality men.
Many women are finding that they are not encountering men who would be wise choices for marriages and starting families with. Some women who married before are realizing the mistake they made in their choices of spouses.
I know a number of couples right now that are on the brink of divorce or having all kinds of problems. A majority of these couples are Christians.
Or so we thought. At least, one spouse is usually Christian, but they married someone who does not conduct themselves as a Christian and the marriage is falling apart.
Sometimes, it is that both are Christians, but they are under spiritual attack regardless. Instead of acknowledging that women need to be careful and very selective, some people are trying to harass and pressure women into marrying by certain ages to have children.
Why does it bother so many “conservative” men especially that some women are childless and unmarried?
Have they looked in the mirror? Have they looked at the behaviors and attitudes of other men? Do they know a lot of men who would make wonderful, present husbands and present, wonderful fathers?
Are these men those types of ideal potential husbands and fathers themselves? I don’t know, but first of all, it’s none of anybody else’s business what single women do with their own lives.
Secondly, many women would love to be married, but are rightfully not settling for men who lie, are lazy, irresponsible, unloving, porn-addicted, violent, etc.
Plenty men have unhealed trauma that they’re not willing to address. Some men don’t feel affirmed unless they’re sleeping around, because they are insecure and trying to validate themselves from the outside in.
Some men are liars, cheaters, unloving, emotionally unavailable. Quite a few women end up doing most of the child rearing as well as working outside the homes, because their husbands either won’t or simply can’t fully make ends meet.
God never intended for women to carry their husbands around on their shoulders and carry the whole household on themselves. Wives are meant to be helpers to their husbands, nurturers, mothers if applicable.
To make a wife and mother carry the load of the entire family puts her in a masculine role which she’s not suited for.
Some men believe provision is pretty much limited to material and financial provision. Some are not present the way they ought to be. Some don’t understand healthy connection and true intimacy with their wives, but aren’t willing to learn.
Yet, they still want to see women marrying and having children. This is selfish. Some men even have midlife crisis and decide that they want to abandon their wives and children and run off with younger women.
Many single women have observed these things happening to women that they know, or some have already been through marriage and divorce. And they are rightfully and wisely very careful.
So I want to encourage you single ladies, no matter what your age, don’t settle for less.
People who are more concerned about the population dwindling than they are concerned about people creating healthy, God glorifying-families have their priorities wrong.
It is always better to marry right than to marry the wrong person right now, just to be conventional and live up to other people’s expectations and demands.
The Bible says it is not good for man to be alone.
I believe this is the reason some men seem to be panicking, because it is them who don’t want to be alone. Because many women are no longer giddy, dizzy and fantasizing about marriage and children with men the way they used to be.
Instead, now many women are rightfully cautious and hesitant.
Some ladies used to be so overzealous to the point where they chose men poorly. They were then rebuked and told that they should have chosen more wisely.
Now that many women are trying to choose more wisely, some people are trying to shame them into settling. But more women are becoming more wise, a lot more cautious.
I think that seeing women married with children was something that a lot of men were very comfortable with, as it showed dependence on men, causing men to feel needed and wanted.
Women will always need men and their valuable contributions outside of relationships.
What women don’t need is to be in relationships or marriages with toxic men. What women don’t need is to procreate with men who will not be good, faithful loving husbands and fathers.
• If men want to feel wanted and needed, they should be willing to provide those things that God requires them to-such as fidelity, positive presences, love, protection and all around provision.
• Women are under no obligation to marry, just to be married, for the sake of being traditional and to make men feel needed, when some men do not offer the basic things to women that God requires them to.
• Some men want to see women married with children, but what is their motive for wanting to see this? If it’s for the right reasons, shouldn’t they make sure they personally measure up as qualified to be husbands and fathers?
• Shouldn’t they be requiring the same of other men, putting pressure on men to man up? But their focus is often primarily on the women! They want to see women married with children, but some want to see this on their own terms.
They want the marriages and the children without being real men. Women marrying these types of men has led to the collapse of families and society. People should be happy that women are waking up and being more careful now.
Ladies, do not be mocked, ridiculed and shamed into marrying men you shouldn’t marry and having children with them either. Don’t fall for it.
I haven’t forgotten about the gentlemen’s plights either. It’s rough out there for both men and women. There are decent men who are having a difficult time finding the right women as well!
There are decent men and women out there, but it is becoming more and more difficult for decent men and decent women to find each other. But don’t operate on someone else’s timetable.
Take care of you. Navigate wisely through life, be careful, be cautious. Be picky! For Christians, this means keep God first and pray the whole way for direction, protection and provision.
Important Bible Verse:
Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.
– Proverbs 19: 14 NKJV
