Lies Teens Believe (And Don’t Tell) - Bravester
And the words your teen needs to hear from you.
“If you knew me, you wouldn’t love me.”
“I am who my friends (or my parents or my church or my grades) say that I am.”
“Getting attention is the same as having friends.”
“Christians should not feel sad.”
“God only loves me when I’m doing everything right.”
“If I doubt, it means I don’t have faith.”
“My mistakes define who I am.”
“Being strong means never needing help.”
“If I ignore my pain, it will go away.”
“God is disappointed in me.”
“If I can control everything, I’ll finally feel safe.”
“Everyone else has it together except me.”
“It’s better to be liked than to be real.”
“Following Jesus means I have to be perfect.”
“What I feel is more true than what God says.”
“I have to earn love—from people and from God.”
“If I let people see my weakness, they’ll leave.”
“God only uses people who have it all together.”
“If I don’t feel God, he must not be here.”
“If I was really a Christian, I wouldn’t struggle with this.”
“What I do in private doesn’t affect who I am.”
“My story doesn’t matter.”
“Church is for perfect people.”
“Being honest will only make things worse.”
“My worth depends on someone noticing me.”
“Forgiving someone means saying what they did was okay.”
“If I just stay busy, I won’t feel lonely.”
“My anxiety means I don’t trust God enough.”
“If I admit I’m hurting, I’ll disappoint everyone.”
“It’s too late for me to change.”
“God is tired of forgiving me.”
“Other people’s faith is stronger than mine will ever be.”
“If I’m not happy, I must be doing faith wrong.”
“I need to fix myself before I come to God.”
“Real Christians don’t mess up like I do.”
“If I’m not the best, I don’t matter.”
“God is too busy for my small problems.”
“My anxiety means I don’t trust God enough.”
“I’ll never change—this is just who I am.”
“Being a Christian means pretending everything’s fine.”
“If I speak up, I’ll just make things worse.”
“No one really understands me, not even God.”
“If I can make everyone happy, I’ll finally be okay.”
“What I do in secret doesn’t really affect anyone.”
“God loves other people more than he loves me.”
“Church is for people who already have it together.”
“If I’m struggling, God must be punishing me.”
“I can’t be close to God until I fix myself first.”
“It’s safer to stay numb than to feel.”
“If I’m honest about my doubts, people will lose respect for me.”
“If people don’t notice me, I must not be worth noticing.”
“It’s too late for me to start over.”
“Faith means never having questions.”
“God’s love has limits—and I’ve reached them.”
Each lie is a distortion of the gospel of grace. My new book using the Parable of the Prodigal Son (now called the Story of Two Lost Sons) is about those distortions we believe and make our decisions from.
Circle the lies that you are especially true in your teen. Place those lies on a prayer list. Start praying for these lies specifically. This is your starting point.
When your teen keeps ruminating on these lies, unhealthy thoughts take deep roots. This is called rumination defined as the act of continuously thinking about the same thoughts—often negative ones—without reaching a resolution. It involves mentally replaying events, worries, or regrets in a repetitive loop. Rumination is linked to anxiety and depression because it keeps the mind focused on problems rather than solutions. It feels like reflection, but unlike healthy reflection (which leads to insight or growth), rumination traps you in cycles of self-criticism or “what if” thinking.
And you may never know this is happening inside your teen. Assume that it is. Because you also remember your ruminating thoughts as a teen and also remember the day when the truth hit your soul and made you free.
Next is to find every and any creative way to make these statements that your teen needs to hear…from you.
“You are enough whether you win or lose.”
“You are still just as loved when you mess up.”
“It’s okay to fail. Everyone does. I do.”
“Your beauty is much deeper than the way you look.”
“You are much more than nice.”
“You don’t always have to smile.”
“You are strong but you don’t always have to be.”
“It’s okay to be angry.”
“It’s okay to feel sad.”
“I want to know what you think.”
“I want to hear what you feel.”
“Feelings aren’t right or wrong. Feelings aren’t trauma. All emotions lead you to God.”
“You’re not too much. I’m big enough to handle all of the emotions you’ve got.”
“God is big enough to handle your emotions, too, and wants to hear your heart.”
“You are amazing and delightful and exactly who God intended you to be and you are a mess at the same time. It’s not either/or. It’s both/and.”
“Nothing you do will make me stop loving you.”
“You don’t have to earn your worth—it’s already settled.”
“You can tell me anything. I might not have all the answers, but I’ll listen.”
“Jesus is bigger than any mistake.”
“You are not alone in what you feel.”
“You don’t have to be okay for me to love you.”
“You don’t have to fix everything; some things just need time.”
“A life of faith is full of imperfect progress. Mine too.”
“You can rest. You don’t have to be productive to be valuable.”
“You are not behind. You’re growing at your own pace.”
“God’s love for you doesn’t depend on how you perform.”
“It’s brave to ask for help.”
“It’s okay to change your mind as you grow.”
“Your questions about faith don’t scare me.”
“You don’t have to have it all figured out right now.”
“You are becoming someone wonderful, even when it doesn’t feel like it.”
“God’s not disappointed in you; he’s walking with you.”
“You never have to hide from me.”
“You can always start over.”
“You don’t have to be the best to be beloved.”
“I trust you’re learning, even when it looks messy.”
“You don’t have to fake happy to make me comfortable.”
“I see how hard you’re trying.”
“You don’t have to protect me from your pain.”
“You don’t have to have a plan right now.”
“You’re not too late for anything God has for you.”
“You can bring your doubts to God—he’s not afraid of them.”
“You can be honest with God even when you’re mad at him.”
“I don’t love a future version of you—I love you now.”
“You’re allowed to take up space.”
“You don’t have to rush healing.”
“You are never too far gone for grace.”
“I love who you are becoming—and I love who you already are.”
Circle the ones that you know your teen needs to hear. Create this list. Then find every and any way to say these to your teen.
If you are a journaler or check-lister, steal this list from me and place a checkmark and date every time you get to say this to your teen. Hopefully some of these will have more than one checkmark.
I mean this when I say this, I am cheering for you, parent.
