Looking through the Eyes of Love – Charlaine Martin

by Charlaine Martin

Read: 1 John 4:7-18

Focus Verse: Psalm 85:10 NIV 

Love and faithfulness meet together;
  righteousness and peace kiss each other.

#COMMITYOURHEART to your spouse.

Note: This post also appears at www.betotallyfitforlife.com as “Looking Through the Eyes of Love”.

My husband and I love emojis with hearts. Our texts to each other include them every day. One of my favorites to send him is the smiley with heart-shaped eyes. It might seem kind of corny, but this is our modern equivalent to sending each other love notes scented with perfume or XOXOXO at the bottom of the note. Yes, even mid-lifers do things like this with each other because we love each other deeply. In our world of easy divorce and cohabitation without commitment, the greatest need for marriages today is the tremendous abiding love of Christ.

Now here is something I should share with you– I’ve
been married before. My first marriage was great, but then my heart shattered. My
first husband valiantly fought terminal cancer and passed on to eternity with
God. We enjoyed almost 30 years together before he went home to Jesus. So I had
preconceived notions about what my second marriage should be. My second hubby,
my Boaz, was hurt badly in a marriage that ended in divorce. Unfortunately, his
idea of marriage was smudged with pain and distrust. Neither one of us liked living
alone, so seeking out a godly spouse was important for each of us. We viewed
each other through faulty lenses that distorted what our marriage should be
until we discovered that we needed to put on our Love glasses—rose-colored
heart-shaped lenses because of our faith in Jesus Christ, who drew us together
in the first place.

Dig Deep

In our passage, the word abide doesn’t appear, but “lives in,” meaning to abide, appears five times, in verses 12, 13, 15, and 16b. By being born of God, we are God’s children who live in Him and He in us. Because of this, God expects us to love each other because He is love. We should display the same characteristic of love that God displays for us. God gives us the ability to love each other, even when we cannot love by our own power.

The Eyes of Love are a wonderful, graceful filter
God gives us. They help us see what we ought and ignore what we ought. Neither
of us is perfect; both of us sinners saved by the love Jesus demonstrated on
the cross for us. As brother and sister in Christ,  we can love because He first loved us.
Abiding in Christ allows us to be more open to view each other—faults and all-
– through His eyes and heart. Here are a few ways, primarily from 1 Corinthians
13, I’ve discovered our Love glasses help us:

1. See the best in each other.
2. Ignore the flaws in each other.
3. Show compassion to each other.
4. Let go of past hurts.
5. Put the other one first (Philippians 2:3).
6. Spur each other on to do good works (Hebrews 10:24).
7. Hope together for our future.

These incredible Love glasses put our arguments in a
different light. The vast majority of the time, those arguments look pretty
puny when we examine them through our faith in Christ, that is, our Love
glasses. Instead of fighting to win, we can argue for a solution. We can trust
that the Holy Spirit works in each of us to bring about a greater unity that
Christian marriage should enjoy. Certainly, sparks fly as “iron sharpens iron,”
but no one gets burned. Rather, we stop and say, “Oh! Something that needs our
careful attention.” It will indeed hurt a bit, but we can begin to open up to
becoming a better spouse for each other. We can meet each other in the middle
through love and peace, embracing and kissing each other anyway because righteousness
and peace reign in our hearts.

Sometimes, when he compliments me by telling me how
beautiful I am to him, I think he is wearing rose-colored glasses with heart-shaped
lenses like the smiley emoji with heart-shaped eyes. When I tell him how much I
love him and how handsome he is, even after he says or does something that
annoys me, he often scratches his head and chalks it up to my Love glasses. How
are we able to do this? Because the love of Jesus gives us the Eyes of Love
through which we may see each other.

Perfect love drives out the fear of failure, pain,
and disappointment so that we might see each other as Jesus sees us, bringing
us two distinctly different people together as one. One special note, though.
If you are enduring abuse in any way, the Eyes of Love can still help you see
your spouse for whom he or she is: someone who is hurting badly and should stop
hurting you. By all means, leave for your safety. Perfect love casts out fear. You
can insist he or she go through extensive counseling to find healing and wholeness,
but you also need healing for yourself. Prayerfully allow the Holy Spirit to
guide and direct both of you through this process.

 But for the rest of us, becoming one as that three-strand cord (Ecclesiastes 4:12) takes time, regularly forgiving and asking for forgiveness, while changing our attitudes and behaviors for the betterment of the marriage. The two becoming one must have Jesus central in the relationship, which creates the strong cord of three strands.

Put It into Practice

 Step back to
view your spouse with the lenses of Love, heart-shaped glasses from the Bible.
What unique qualities do you love about your husband or wife? Do you see
conflict as debilitating, or a way to bring about greater unity in your
marriage? In what ways can you use your Love glasses to build a greater unity
with the bond of peace? Intentionally, find ways to demonstrate love to your
Sweetheart. Rather than bristle at annoyances, try focusing on specific
qualities you admire about him or her. Find ways to build a bridge during
arguments by looking for solutions that benefit your marriage.

Prayer: Precious Lord, thank you that we can see each other through the eyes of love—the love you have shown for each of us. May we grow closer to each other and closer to You. Amen