In a world where valuing human life is countercultural, how do you respond?

God’s providence has always held a special significance in my life. But just days before my mom passed away, the idea that God was guarding my life even before I was born became much more meaningful—far beyond a simple cliché. 

That was the day she fully revealed the circumstances around my birth. 

I learned that though my parents were married, abuse played a role in my conception. So when my mom found out she was pregnant, she didn’t want me. Because of all that pregnancy represented in her mind, she decided to have an abortion. Or she tried to—three times. 

On the third attempt, my grandmother told my mom that if the baby was a girl, she would take her in and raise her . . . raise me. So my mom decided not to go through with it.

Never Changing, Always Faithful God

Despite everything that might have happened, God was always faithful.

I grew up with my grandparents. My mom remarried, and my older brother went to live with her. Later, my two younger siblings were born. I saw my mom periodically, but honestly, I never questioned why I had been unwanted. By God’s grace, I had a happy childhood. Even in that, I see God’s hand. 

When I was fourteen years old, my mom came to know the Lord. Years later, when I also came to know Him, she told me some of the things she had gone through, though without much detail. I understood only some of what had happened.

As the years passed, my relationship with my mom had its ups and downs. There were difficult moments, but none as challenging as when we faced her stage 4 cancer diagnosis—terminal. (It’s incredible how a single word can turn your world upside down.) 

The moment that the doctor told me, “She has three years left,” I realized so many things I had never done with her—we had never even gone on a trip together. In the midst of the pain, God, in His providence, allowed me to start spending time with my mom every week during her chemo sessions. It became a time for us to share and talk.

Lost and Found

There were moments I missed with her, like wedding dress shopping. By that time, she couldn’t even walk. But before my wedding, in God’s kindness, I got to take a week-long trip with my mom. Though I know it was hard for her, she made the effort. 

A year before my wedding, my grandmother passed away, but by God’s grace, my mom was able to attend. She died four months later.

In those months in between, my mom asked me for forgiveness for attempting to abort me three times and for leaving me with my grandparents. She told me it was something she had lived with every day, that she had been carrying around all that guilt. As I listened, by God’s grace, the only thing I could think to say to her was that she had nothing to ask forgiveness for. First, because God had already forgiven her, and second, because leaving me with my grandparents was not a mistake. 

And God, in His sovereignty and providence, had used my grandmother as a mysterious instrument to meet our needs. My grandmother cared for me, then I was able to care for her. Later, I would care for my mom in her time of need.

After my mom shared the whole story, I read Psalm 139: 

For it was you who created my inward parts;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I will praise you
because I have been remarkably and wondrously made.
Your works are wondrous,
and I know this very well.
My bones were not hidden from you
when I was made in secret,
when I was formed in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw me when I was formless;
all my days were written in your book and planned
before a single one of them began. (Psalm 139:13–16)

In that moment, it all made sense. I clearly saw the goodness of God. Despite three abortion attempts, none had succeeded. Not only that, I was born without any ill effects. Certainly, this is not the story I would have chosen for myself. But now, looking back through the rearview mirror, I can have peace in my heart knowing that God has been faithful and will continue to be faithful to fulfill His purposes and glorify His name.

Against All Odds

In a world where valuing human life is countercultural, I choose to live with gratitude for the gift of life and to recognize that every breath has an eternal purpose. Although my story began under difficult circumstances, I have learned that the providence of God transcends human mistakes and transforms pain into testimony. I will respond by valuing every life, embracing forgiveness, extending grace, and proclaiming, as Psalm 139 says, that every life is created with God’s intention and love. 

My life, preserved against all odds, is a reminder that God makes no mistakes and that each of us has a purpose to fulfill in this world.

A new year brings fresh opportunities to evaluate your spiritual health. Seeking Him: Experiencing the Joy of Personal Revival, a twelve-week Bible Study from Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and Tim Grissom will help you do just that. In this interactive study, you’ll move step by step toward true joy in the Lord. Each week includes five days of individual study, questions for group discussion and interaction, testimonies of changed lives, and “Making it Personal” exercises—the perfect recipe for a healthy spiritual diet in the year to come. Request your copy as our thanks when you make a donation of any amount to the ministry.