Quick, Slow, Slow: Staying in Step with James 1:19
Several years ago, I convinced my husband that we should take ballroom dance lessons. Week after week, we practiced the foxtrot, waltz, tango, and West Coast swing. Our attempts at graceful moves were often stuttered and awkward as we tried to master the techniques.
As most beginners do, I often found myself saying the steps in my head as we made our way around the dance floor.
Slow, slow, quick, quick.
One two three, one two three, one two three.
Side, side, sashay.
Repeating the steps in my head helped my feet to move in the right direction.
Although my ballroom dancing days are over, I often think of those rhythms when I read James 1:19: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” These steps are ones we all need to practice if we want to glide gracefully around the dance floor of life. But all too often, I find myself tripping and stumbling with my words and actions—resulting in something far from beautiful in my relationships with others.
A Life-Giving Rhythm
If I want to stay in sync as I communicate with others, I have to follow the rhythm of James 1:19: quick, slow, slow. More often than not, though, I’m dancing to the opposite beat. I’m slow to listen to the people who are most important to me. I answer too quickly in a conversation or online. I rush to respond in frustration and anger. Instead of following God’s choreography, I end up freestyling, causing hurt feelings and strained relationships—and not reflecting Christ to those around me.
In the book of James, the author emphasized the need for spiritual maturity. One hallmark of a mature Christian, James explained, is having self-control—especially in our speech and emotions. Not only does he highlight this in James 1:19, he goes on to describe the incredible power contained in our tongue and the importance of mastering it (3:1–18).
James isn’t the only one who tells us how to get this dance step right. Throughout Scripture, God gives a lot of additional instruction to guide us on how to listen well, speak carefully, and control our emotions.
When it comes to listening, Scripture warns that if we give an answer before we’ve actually listened to the other person, then we can expect to encounter “foolishness and disgrace” (Prov. 18:13). Other verses in Proverbs link listening to wisdom, understanding, and knowledge (2:2; 19:20, 27). Who wouldn’t want those things? So, why aren’t we “quick” to take the time to give someone our full attention?
This goes not just for in-person communication but online as well. How often do I read something and find myself moving slow, quick, quick? I’m slow to listen to both the author’s intention and heart but also to what God is telling me. I’m quick to get hot and bothered by the comment, and I quickly hammer out a reply. When I respond this way, I always regret my reactions and wish I would have taken a step back to think and pray.
But after our initial quickness, it’s time to slow it down. Proverbs compares words spoken in haste to a “piercing sword,” something that can cause great damage (12:18). The same verse says that wise words bring healing. Whether good or bad, what comes out of our mouths can be extremely powerful.
And that’s why we need to be cautious in what we say. Proverbs tells us that when we “guard” our mouth and tongue, we’ll keep ourselves out of trouble (21:23). It also says that “the one who guards his mouth protects his life” but “the one who opens his lips invites his own ruin” (13:3).
Finally, when it comes to getting angry, we’re warned over and over in Scripture that speed only causes problems. Proverbs tells us that having a quick temper “promotes foolishness” (14:29) and that “a hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but one slow to anger calms strife” (15:18). And the wisest man in history (1 Kings 3:12) warned us, “Don’t let your spirit rush to be angry, for anger abides in the heart of fools” (Eccl. 7:9).
Quick. Slow. Slow. Something so simple should be easy once we’re aware of it, right? But just like perfecting that dance step, making this our default mode is going to take lots of practice and time. Let’s take a closer look at each step.
First Step: Quick to Listen
Being quick to listen means choosing to value what others have to say over my own words or desires. It also means that I take the time to understand what’s going on.
In practical terms, when my daughter wants to tell me something about her day, I put down my phone immediately to listen rather than finishing the text I was working on. When it feels as if my son is lashing out, I remind myself that he’s anxious about a certain situation and it’s the anxiety talking, not him.
When my husband starts to share about a frustrating situation, I let him finish instead of quickly jumping in with my opinion. When I read a post on social media from a friend that seems to be attacking something I deeply believe in, I am quick to pray for wisdom to understand what might really be going on in her heart.
And listening well helps to shape our next step: how we respond.
Second Step: Slow to Speak
“Slow to speak” means that I take my time before answering, biting my tongue rather than saying the first thing that pops into my mind. I wait, wait, and wait some more before opening up my mouth and learn to be more comfortable with letting silence linger.
When someone shares their opinion on a topic that’s in direct opposition to mine, I take a few moments to prayerfully consider how to respond. When a teen is venting their frustrations, I wait a few moments to see if words are what’s necessary or if they just need a hug. I let someone tell me the whole story and not interrupt. I take time to think and pray how I should respond to a comment on social media—or whether I should respond at all.
But even when we hold our tongues, there’s still the challenge of keeping our hearts calm.
Third Step: Slow to Become Angry
While I don’t think that I’m generally an angry person, it’s amazing how often I let frustration, impatience, and misunderstanding erupt and grow in my spirit. To truly be slow to become angry, I need to be aware of my own state of mind and take a mental step (and sometimes a literal one) back from the person or situation.
This means that when someone in my family is crabby, I don’t let their mood influence me to become the same way. When someone points out something I’ve done wrong, I don’t get defensive but instead try to ascertain if there is any truth in what they’re saying. If I start to feel that fire in my chest after reading a social media post, I stop and pray for peace and ask God what He thinks.
Of course, doing all of this well is impossible on our own. That’s why we need to practice with the One who gave these steps to us in the first place.
The Rhythm Begins with God
As we intentionally practice the rhythm of James 1:19 in our relationships with others, it has to begin in our relationship with God.
When it comes to God’s Word, are we quick to hear what He has to say? Is our first impulse to go to His Word for answers? Are we slow to argue or resist when the Holy Spirit prompts us? Do we actually obey what we already know He wants us to do? When things don’t go how we want, are we slow to become angry at the Lord—do we trust Him to do what He thinks is best?
My former pastor once described James 1:19 as “proper growing conditions” for the Christian life.1 When we practice this rhythm, our hearts are more teachable and better able to receive what God wants to say to us and be transformed into who He wants us to be. When we are quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, we will continue to grow in our faith and become more like Jesus.
Just Keep Dancing
Just as my husband and I often stumbled while we tried to tango, we won’t always get these steps right. But the more we practiced, the better we became at navigating the dance floor. In the same way, the more we practice James 1:19—through prayer and dependence upon the Holy Spirit—the better we’ll get at listening and responding in a way that honors God.
So, let’s lace up our spiritual dance shoes and trust our Teacher to lead us. We may never get a perfect ten on our performance, but step by step, the Lord will help us move through life with more grace and more love—for others and for Him.
1 Bryan Clark, “Remove the Masks,” Lincoln Berean, 10/3/10, https://www.lincolnberean.org/sermon/practically-christian-james/remove-the-masks.
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