Seeking Mattering in a World Full of AI - Bravester
As human beings, one of our core longings is to matter.
Mattering is not just about feeling valued by others. It’s also about feeling that we add value to others. We need to know that our actions make a difference.
Mattering is a large part of adolescent development because adolescence is the season when a person is actively forming an identity and asking such questions as: Do I count? Do I belong? Does what I do actually matter to anyone?
As teens separate from childhood dependence and move towards adulthood, they are no longer content to simply be cared for—they need to contribute. Mattering helps anchor their sense of growing self by revealing to them that their presence has weight, their choices have impact, and their voice is not insignificant. When adolescents experience mattering, it strengthens resilience, guides values, and gives meaning to responsibility. When they don’t, they often look for significance in risky, unhealthy, or performative ways.
As a parent, you really really really want your teen to find out that they matter, right?
Mattering isn’t earned. Mattering is given. You are already worthy. Something outside of you validates you as worthy. The adolescent journey is discovering this.
Science says mattering comes from transcendence. This is outside of you. Your good works or your acting out doesn’t give you mattering. It leaves you empty from striving, whether it is positive or negative striving. Anybody reading this probably loves a teen who currently is trying negative striving in this search for mattering.
If you count yourself as a Christian, you know where this transcendence which science has named comes from. It is obvious. The Faith Shaping journey of a teen is to discover this obviousness also.
Using Barna Research, let’s look at how our teens are doing emotionally on this mattering journey.
From Barna Group.
Notice the spike in Gen Z numbers. Gen Alpha has not been interviewed yet as they are under 18. I’m hoping the numbers aren’t worse.
“The data reveals a generation wrestling with questions about their purpose and place in the world, even while having unprecedented access to (and interest in) mental health resources. They possess a broader vocabulary for emotional struggles than previous generations did—yet this awareness doesn’t eliminate their uncertainty and anxiety.” –-Barna Group
With all of the technology, internet, screens, and now AI, uncertainty and anxiety have increased.
Oh oh.
With AI our beloved teens can find mattering from an AI companion.
In a nationally representative 2025 survey by Common Sense Media, 72% of U.S. teens ages 13 to 17 said they had used an AI companion and over half used one regularly. Nearly a third said chatting with an AI felt at least as satisfying as talking to a person, including 10% who said it felt more satisfying. Source.
What’s more, 31% of teens say their conversations with AI companions are as satisfying as or more satisfying than their conversations with other people, and 33% have discussed serious and important issues with AI companions instead of other humans. Source
These are just the early numbers. Use of AI companions is relatively new.
An AI companion is finding mattering from something outside of yourself validating you as worthy.
I am alarmed. Be alarmed. Read What an AI Companion Cheats From Your Teen to learn why I am so alarmed.
I am speaking so we can’t all say, “We didn’t know.”
Feel these words from Jonathan Haidt:
“Over the past decade and a half, we have watched smartphones and social media transform childhood, drive up rates of youth mental illness, expose children to severe harms, and pull them away from sleep, school, and in-person socialization. We missed the window to act early because we were in awe of these products and their potential benefits. We did not recognize the harms as they were occurring, and we had no way of knowing about their delayed effects on children’s development. Many in Gen Z have paid the price for our inaction.
“We are now entering a new phase of digital childhood as an even more transformative technology rolls in like a tidal wave. This time we will not be able to say ‘we didn’t know.’” –Jonathan Haidt, https://www.afterbabel.com/p/dont-give-your-child-an-ai-companion
Not again.
I am hoping that when we read this article again in two or three years that my alarms are silenced because we didn’t stand idly by this time. We hit the window to prevent the harm. I hope that our teens grow awkwardly and wonderfully into beautiful Jesus-loving adults who know they matter.
