Small Groups—Anything Goes?

Getting together for social events is fine, but the way we assume that fellowship is likely to occur is not fine. We elasticize the definition of fellowship too much if we link it to food, fun, and festivity. Just getting people together assures nothing—except perhaps a higher calorie count!

The Babylon Bee recently lampooned the small group movement with humor that exposes its absurd claims. Too easily impressed with slogans, many small group enthusiasts talk about “doing life together.” That sounds good, I guess, but how good is it really? According to the Babylon Bee “… if you’re ever in doubt that what you’re doing counts as fellowship,” then there’s a need to check out these answers to the question, does it qualify as “Doing Life Together?”

Commenting on this checklist, The Babylon Bee said: “Looks just like doing whatever you want while getting spiritual points in the process, doesn’t it?¹ Yes, it does! So getting carnal Christians to sign up for these groups is easy.

This spoof of a very serious point does call into question the loose thinking accepted by some small group enthusiasts. Definitions do matter. If we define fellowship too broadly, saying little more than “connecting” and “authentic community,” we really haven’t said very much. These words may be fine for church websites; but at some point, a greater precision is needed.

What must be set forth are specific characteristics that present a clear delineation between what the world calls friendliness and what the Bible calls fellowship.

It is true that broadmindedness and flexibility are virtues in some situations. But if I’m an astronaut about to be launched into space, I don’t want to hear how the people who planned this trip were “broadminded” and “flexible” in their planning. After all, one degree off—in one direction or another—means that I spin out of orbit or burn on reentry.

Critics of the “broadminded” view of fellowship—the view that accepts almost any small group format as legitimate—have rightly observed: “If you don’t know where you are going, any ole way will get you there.” This is one reason many paradigms for small group ministry exist in the church. Of concern to me, though, is the lack of intentionality, the lack of precision, to activate the “one another” principles in so many of these paradigms.

By sleight-of-hand, the magician wants to change your focus and get you to look in the wrong direction. This has happened in the church. The name change, from fellowship to small groups, created this problem.

If the biblical vision for fellowship gets swapped out for “small groups,” the format won’t matter much, and therefore all kind of groups will qualify: affinity groups, addiction groups, ministry groups, mission groups, special needs groups. Just pick one; a group is a group!

Moreover, it also doesn’t matter how often the group meets. Once a week, once a month—it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that you’re in a group. That’s the magic word in many churches—group!

This carelessness in defining fellowship has hurt a lot of people. Because to be so close to needed healing—with Christians present, the Bible opened, and prayers to the Lord offered—and yet go home week after week with major needs unattended and unsolved is nothing short of tragic.

The reason this tragedy so frequently occurs is directly traceable to how a church defines fellowship. When it comes to targeting the flesh and those specific solutions needed for holiness, the effort made in many small groups is almost zero. In too many instances, “connections” between the Word and what is actually transacting in one’s life is loose and ineffective. Therefore, the dynamics exhibited in many small group fellowships aren’t really all that “authentic.”

In order for our fellowship to be truly authentic, there has to be the sharing of our inner life in a way that a specific growing edge is identified, and a Word-bred, Spirit-led solution is initiated. Targeting these two objectives, in an atmosphere that includes honest disclosure, insightful accountability, and strong group support puts us on the path toward biblical fellowship.

In most small groups, however, the sharing of the inner life is occasional, not usual, and focuses more on the difficult circumstances one is facing than on the current compromise being embraced in a person’s heart.

So let me set forth this principle: If it is quite easy, and indeed very common, for you to retain virtual anonymity in your group, you’re in the wrong group. The lack of strategy and group expectation to counter this anonymity dooms the group to failure.