Stupid Things Naive Christians Say... - Divorce Minister

After the Lord had said these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has. So now take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and sacrifice a burnt offering for yourselves. My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly. You have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has.” – Job 42:7-8, NIV

In the spirit of the Job’s three friends*, I am dedicating this blog post to some bone-headed and insensitive sayings from professing Christians when dealing with adultery. It can be from exes who abused God’s name to cover for their adulteries, or they can come from sincere (yet naive) Christians who were clueless in trying to “help” (the later is more parallel to Job’s friends).

Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar blamed Job for his suffering, and the above quoted passage expresses God’s perspective on their counsel: It made God angry! And I am confident God is angry with many of His children who slander His Name by giving similarly bad advice concerning His heart towards faithful spouses.

Without further ado….

Stupid Things Naive Christians Say To Faithful Spouses:

“Maybe you should just date her more?”

• Response: I missed the chapter and verse for that approach to dealing with an emotional affair. Was that before or after the passage instructing the Israelites to stone the adulteress and adulterer to death? (Not that I suggest doing that today.)

“She didn’t do anything to you that you didn’t already do to her.”

• Response: Actually she did do something to me that I did not do to her. I didn’t commit adultery and rape her soul.  She did.

“It’s just a piece of paper. The divorce happened in the heart a long time ago.”

• Response: Try telling that to a judge when you’re being tried for bigamy. It is more than just a piece of paper. Sounds like someone is justifying adultery here.

“There’s always two sides to a story.”

• Response: I am curious–what story could someone possibly tell that makes committing adultery okay in the eyes of God?

“God hates divorce.”

• Response: God may hate divorce, but He hates sin and adultery more. God divorces Israel over her repeated adulteries after all.

“It’s a headship problem.”

• Response: No, you’re confused. It’s a sin problem–as in in “Thou shalt not commit adultery” sin problem.

“A wife’s actions are just a reflection of her husband’s.”

• Response: Was Israel’s adulteries then just a reflection of God’s “poor” husband skills? A wife’s actions are her own. She will be held responsible for her own choices just as Israel was in the Old Testament. 

“You let yourself go.”

• Response: Because it says “Thou shalt not commit adultery unless your spouse lets herself go?” I guess I missed that annotated version of the Ten Commandments.

“You need to learn to submit better.”

• Response: It’s not a submission issue. Adultery is a sin issue. The one needing to learn to submit here is him–i.e. to his vows and God’s commandment not to commit adultery.

“Aren’t you going to stay together for the kids?”

• Response: I’d rather give them a home based in truth than built on adulterous lies.

“But you made a promise to God, not just your spouse.”

• Response: If God did not tolerate adultery, neither will I.

Please feel free to submit your own in the comment section below!

*And a shout out to Chump Lady’s potty-mouthed and inspirational version of this coming out of cheaters’ mouths (link here).