The 8 Warning Signs Of An Affair That Most Women Overlook - Olubunmi Mabel

Affairs often start subtly, with hardly any warning signs.

Even when there are warning signs, they are usually not strong enough to ring that alarm bell within.

And the few times that those signs are obvious enough to cause suspicion, most people usually believe they are overthinking and probably need to trust their partners even more.

Sometimes, we struggle to understand the meaning of the word “trust” – Trust isn’t blind faith in somebody else.

Rather, it is a faith that has been built over several years.

It is earned, not demanded.

In marriage, couples are meant to trust each other not because it is automatic but because they should have proven themselves trustworthy to each other before marriage.

If your husband has started acting in ways that may be raising suspicion in your mind, you may not be overthinking things.

You may just be on to something.

The signs of an affair are often easy to overlook.

There are subtle shifts in your husband’s behavior that could indicate unfaithfulness.

Here are some of the warning signs of an affair most women overlook.

1. Emotional withdrawal

Emotional withdrawal is one of the most telling signs of an affair.

If your husband seems to be physically present yet emotionally absent, it may point at him either having an affair or thinking about entering one.

However, the problem with this sign is that it applies to a number of other cases that are not so related to infidelity.

A man can withdraw emotionally from his wife if he is angry at something she did, especially if she is not ready to apologize.

He can also withdraw emotionally if he is going through a lot of pressure.

Then, there’s also the fact that he can be emotionally withdrawn when he starts feeling less attracted to his wife.

So, most wives tend to overlook this sign because it points at so many things at the same time.

They just choose to think it is probably a passing phase for their husbands caused by stress at work.

So, they try to find out what’s going on and how they can be of help.

But, an emotionally distant husband usually wouldn’t respond to questions.

The truth is if your husband is emotionally withdrawn, lacks interest in shared activities, reduces communication, or displays a general sense of detachment, it could be a sign that he is involved in an affair or thinking of one.

This is especially true if this sign is displayed in combination with the next one.

2. Secrecy

Everyone needs their privacy, even in marriage.

I don’t like it when someone is snooping through my phone or laptop.

It feels creepy.

I don’t support wives searching through their husbands’ phones and laptops.

However, I believe that in a marriage where openness and honesty reign, there would be no need for any of that.

As a young growing child, there were no locked drawers in my house.

My parents usually kept cash lying around the house because they knew no one would take it, and we never did.

Things hardly went missing, and whenever they did, no one thought that they had been stolen by someone.

Instead, we would all believe that it was misplaced.

I grew up seeing my dad’s phone lying around.

Anyone with access to it could use it, but we wouldn’t touch it anyway.

Then, at some point, things changed.

My dad started guarding his phone.

I figured it was because he just got a new one.

But it didn’t stop, even after months.

He took his phone everywhere and went to unoccupied rooms to answer calls.

My mom didn’t suspect him, but I did.

I felt like a terrible child, but I knew what I was seeing.

Well, my fears were true, and that period led to one of the most turbulent periods of our lives.

Most wives don’t notice when their husbands begin to be so protective of their devices and privacy.

In fact, by the time they realize this, they usually only have vague memories of a time when their husbands used to be freer with their devices.

The truth is that while everyone has a right to some personal space in marriage, a sudden need for privacy is usually a red flag.

Behaviors women usually overlook but shouldn’t usually involve password-protecting devices, taking phone calls in another room, or being overly protective of their personal space and belongings.

If all of these happen suddenly in your relationship, backed by several unexplained absences, you can almost safely conclude that your husband is already having an affair.

3. Changes in routine

This is another glaring sign that most wives overlook.

I know some people like to be spontaneous, but most adults tend to have a way of doing things.

Especially when we are not wealthy enough to live spontaneously.

I am the kind of person who would like spontaneity in my life, but until I gain the kind of financial freedom that can sponsor that kind of lifestyle, I have a daily routine.

I wake up in the morning and grumble because I really don’t like waking up early.

“Early to bed, early to rise” never works for me.

Then, I have to get to work.

No, I don’t exercise.

Getting out of bed is enough exercise for me.

I plan to work on that, probably in the new year. Lol!

Maybe as a New Year resolution.

Anyway, like me, your husband has a routine.

Most husbands have a routine.

A sudden change in the routine may cause you to wonder, but most wives just take things in stride.

After all, the only constant thing in life is change.

Well, if that “change” involves working late into the night, going to work extremely early, and having to work during the weekends sometimes, you should be wary.

Most of us don’t like work that much, not even when it is something we are passionate about.

Has your husband suddenly started going on frequent business trips?

It could be that his business is really thriving, or he could be handling more responsibilities at work.

Either way, it is a sign worthy of note, and if it comes alongside the previous signs listed, it is an alarming sign that your husband may be having an affair.

4. Unexplained expenses

In University, I never dated.

I remember that someone asked me why.

My response was simple.

“In Nigeria, dating is expensive. The average girl doesn’t want to take a walk with you, holding hands. She wants a dinner date, lunch date, cinema date, or a wonderful picnic. I don’t have the money for all that”.

That was my response.

I was barely eating, so I couldn’t afford to think of dating.

The truth is that affairs are very expensive to sustain.

If a married man is having an affair, unexplained expenses may begin to come up, especially when the couple uses a joint bank account.

Unusual charges on credit card statements, such as hotel stays, restaurant bills, or gifts that you haven’t received, are all indicators that your husband is having an affair.

5. Changes in sexual behavior

Most people actually think that when a man is cheating, sexual intimacy with his wife decreases.

Well, most of the time, it does.

However, sometimes, men don’t reduce sexual intimacy with their wives even when they are having an affair.

A notable sign is usually a change in sexual behavior.

This can include a reduction in sexual interest or an increase.

It could also involve the introduction of new styles or preferences that weren’t a part of your relationship in the past.

When a man does this, it could be a sign that he wants to spice up the sexual intimacy in your marriage.

However, when he does this in tandem with previous signs, it could have more alarming conclusions, foremost of which may be the fact that he is having an affair and merely trying to introduce what he has learned from his mistress into the marriage.

6. Too focused on his appearance

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not bad for a married man to want to look good.

In fact, it is a great thing to do, seeing that many men just let themselves go after marriage.

However, this could also be a warning sign of an affair…

If your husband suddenly starts paying attention to his appearance, it is a sign that something may be wrong.

I mean, the suddenness of the whole thing should spook you.

I am the kind of person that loves to dress up fast.

I don’t think I spend up to fifteen minutes dressing up for special occasions.

On most days, I wear my clothes in five minutes.

Now, you can imagine what my wife would think if I suddenly started spending hours getting dressed up for work.

She would feel shocked, but would she feel I am having an affair?

Probably not.

But the truth is that in combination with the previous signs, this sign is conclusive that a man is having an affair.

New clothes, a different hairstyle, or a renewed interest in fitness might indicate they are trying to impress someone.

If they don’t spend much time at home or act coldly towards you, it is a sure sign that “someone” is not you.

7. Defensiveness

Defensiveness has always been a sign that someone is hiding something.

I remember asking my ex-girlfriend what she was doing at a male friend’s place so late at night, and she just responded defensively, saying, “Why are you asking me that kind of question? If you don’t trust me, just tell me”.

This type of response is a classic form of gaslighting that cheaters have mastered.

You ask them a simple question and they react so angrily that you are wondering what you did wrong.

If your husband becomes unusually defensive when asked about his whereabouts or activities, it might be a sign he has something to hide.

It is just that simple.

It is a warning sign that many wives overlook because they want to keep the peace.

8. Gut feeling

You know that gut feeling you have when things are not as they seem?

That’s what I am talking about here.

For many years now, I have learned to trust my instincts, which has saved me from many crazy situations.

The few times I didn’t, I ended up saying, “And something told me this was going to happen.”

The truth is that most wives overlook and underestimate the power of intuition.

If you have a persistent feeling that something is off, it might be worth investigating.

Often, our subconscious picks up on subtle cues that our conscious mind might miss.

However, most wives ignore this feeling because they feel that it shows distrust for their husbands.

You must note that I am not asking you to confront him based on your intuition.

However, you can keep your eyes peeled for more signs that may indicate that something is actually wrong.

While these signs are not definitive proof of an affair, they can serve as indicators that something might be amiss in your relationship.

When you see them, you know it’s time to pay more attention to your relationship.

Discuss your fears with your husband.

Tell him how you feel about his recent behavior and ask what’s wrong.

He may not be having an affair, but these signs indicate something is wrong.

Working together, you can fix your marriage and enjoy a successful relationship.