Too Busy To Connect - Jewell Utt
How is it possible that our time in history is called The Age of Loneliness? Since there are more opportunities for us to connect today than ever before. Due to social media, specialty clubs, work, school, and church, we are presented with lots of options. So why are we still lonely? One reason is that we have become Too Busy To Connect.
We are goal oriented. Moving from task to task with an efficiency that will suffer no interruptions. This can make the busiest person feel lonely because they have placed more importance on responsibility than relationship. On the flip side, there are days we can’t seem to get moving. Constrained by television, social media, or simply burned out from life, our world starts and stops in seclusion.
We’ve all experienced both types of days. And variety is good for renewal and balance. The problem occurs when we succumb to a bad habit and allow it to become our lifestyle. The danger with prolonged isolation is it can lead to social awkwardness, anxiety, depression, and Loneliness.
So Why Should We Care?
People who are lonely and also isolate themselves are at increased risk of death, similar to obesity and substance abuse. An article in Time Magazine, by Justin Worland, caught my attention. It was titled Why Loneliness May Be the Next Big Public-Health Issue. We can still feel alone in this world, even though there’s a large population out there. I encountered four different cases of loneliness in one day.
Four Encounters
One woman explained how her daily cycle of work to home—to care for her kids—allowed no time to meet singles her age. She was stumped on where to meet them, even if she had the time. It’s a widespread concern for many singles who want to be in a relationship.
An elderly friend recently sold her home. She moved to a location more convenient for her adult children to offer help as she aged. The problem is she never sees them. In an effort to help, they distanced her from her real support—her church family and close friendships. So instead of enjoying visits and outings, she is isolated. Her time is now spent in regret for the poor decision she made.
“I have no friends.” Two people expressed this on that same day. Both are lonely and depressed for different reasons. One feels awkward with most of her friends who are now married and having children. Their common links are fading. The other woman never developed relationships outside of her home and family. Now she is an empty-nester who feels lonely and purposeless.
Let’s Face It
It takes more effort to approach someone face to face than it does to talk online. Consequently, social media has become a huge problem. It’s an artificial and shallow means to relate. People can pretend anything online and they often do. It’s unfortunate that the best technology for community can impart equally negative results. For many people, the internet is their primary social outlet. That is how the danger begins.
God created us for real relationships. To look into someone’s eyes and feel their pain. Or stroke their back as they cry. To keel over in laughter and grab their arm for support. An embrace as you part. A kiss when you meet. The eye roll, elbow jab or stare of rebuke.
God created us to wipe away a tear. Without personal contact, how can we push the hair back from her eyes. Or melt in his arms. We cannot experience real reactions to real feelings in seclusion. It’s not how a loving God intended us to love each other
How Can You Connect With Others?
Get out and engage with people on good days. Reach out for help on bad days. Loneliness occurs when we think more about how things affect us, rather than how we can affect other people. Philippians 2:4-5 says, “Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus.”
~Make get-togethers comfortable for singles, and include other singles they can meet. Always being around couples and their kids depresses even me.
~The fifth commandment is to honor your mother and your father. We tend to switch roles with our parents as they age. Why not bless them instead, by allowing them to retain their role as long as possible. Enlist their help, ask their opinion on your life’s struggles, and stay out of theirs.
~Friendship goes both ways. It’s true that you have to be a friend to have a friend. So reach out. Connect. Don’t expect people to always come looking for you.
~Get involved. Everyone needs a community where they are accepted and a purpose higher than themselves for which to serve. Get out to church and invite other people along. It’s a place to belong where there’s lots to do and loving people to do it with.
