Venting vs. Complaining: What’s the Difference?
I just needed to vent.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve muttered this phrase to my husband, my mom, and my friends over the past few months. But as I’ve read through the book of Numbers, watching God’s people continuously complain—and seeing His anger kindled against them when they do—the Holy Spirit has gently prodded me to take a closer look at myself. I’d like to invite you along on this journey too.
What Is Venting?
The word venting can be difficult to define. It’s one of those chameleon terms that shifts meaning depending on the situation and who is using it. Most of the time, if you or I are the ones venting, we’d frame it in a positive light: we’d say we’re simply expressing our opinion, letting out frustration, or talking through something that bothered us. But when others vent tous, we more readily label their words as complaining, gossiping, or expressing bitterness. This is the subtlety of our self-centered hearts. We tend to soften the language that surrounds our own sin, yet we don't mind calling it what it is in the lives of others.
The Lord created us for community, and we are commanded to bear one another’s burdens (Gal. 6:2). We should be confessing our sins to one another (James 5:16), praying for one another (James 5:16), and seeking wise counsel from other believers (Prov. 11:14). But I’m concerned that sometimes we can use these God-given graces as a justification to sin.
So where is the line? What is the difference between innocent venting and sinful venting? The difference involves both the words you say and your heart posture.
Venting and Contentment
To help us find the line, Pastor John Piper gives two helpful questions. First, he asks, “Is there a deep, settled faith in the all-wise, all-good providence of God that gives you an unshakable contentment in Him beneath all dissatisfactions?”1
Often, when we vent, we are inadvertently attacking the character of God by saying we’re not happy with His decisions and provisions in our life.2 It was Charles Spurgeon who once said, “If any other condition had been better for you than the one in which you are, divine love would have put you there. You are placed by God in the most suitable circumstances.”3
The apostle Paul wrote from prison, “I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I find myself” (Phil. 4:11). Joseph was sold into slavery, falsely accused, and imprisoned, yet he said, “You planned evil against me; God planned it for good” (Gen. 50:20). What is our attitude when we’re facing frustrating or painful circumstances?
This doesn’t mean we should stay in abusive situations, ignore sin, or not attempt to improve circumstances to the best of our abilities. What it does mean, however, is that even when we vent, our hearts and words must be bathed in an unshakable contentment and security grounded in the trust of God’s goodness and providence.
As Piper says,
Our deepest response to our circumstances should be, “God, my good and loving and wise and strong Father, has dealt me . . . this hard hand. These painful, difficult circumstances are ultimately from my Father’s wise, strong, sovereign providence—His hand. He has my best interests at heart. I bow my heart before Him and say with Mary, ‘I am your servant. Do with me as You think best’” (Luke 1:38).4
If our venting is not underscored by this theme, then it’s a problem.
God and Others? Or Ourselves?
This leads us to the second question that Piper invites us to consider: “In expressing our dissatisfactions, are we speaking our dissatisfactions because of a hatred of sin (which is good), and a zeal for God’s glory, and a love for people? Or are we just wrapped up in ourselves?”5
It’s not wrong for sin and injustice to make us upset. Scripture makes allowances for us to “feel and express great dissatisfaction with harmful circumstances and, at the same time, draw attention to the guilty person who’s causing them.”6 Paul does this in Titus 1:10–13. And yet we must be careful. We need to ask whether our heart is truly focused on correcting sinful behavior and pursuing God’s glory or if we are just seeking validation for our misery by avoiding wise guidance, correction, or solutions to the problem.
Then there is the issue of the second greatest commandment: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 22:39). This is no small task. We all have people in our lives who are easier to vent about than to love, yet loving them is the command. Why?
Because all humans are created in the image of God and therefore have inherent value (Gen. 1:27). Because Christ says the world will know that we are His disciples by how we love (John 13:35). Because if we don’t have love, we don’t have the Father (1 John 4:8). Because we are people who have been loved first by God (1 John 4:19) who gave Himself up for us when we were still His enemies (Rom. 5:8–10).
When we vent, our primary concern is often ourselves and our comfort—but everything we do as believers should be motivated first by our love for God and then by our love for others. If we can’t say that love is what motivates our venting, it’s likely a sign that we’ve crossed the line from innocence to sin.
Before You Vent
It’s not always easy to discern if our hearts are flowing from contentment in God and love for others or rooted in self-centeredness, bitterness, or discontent. Because the line can feel so thin, we might be tempted to swing to the opposite extreme—to say nothing at all.
The holiness to which we are called as believers (1 Pet. 1:15–16) is a high standard, one that’s impossible to achieve on our own. Yet holiness does not require silence. It is still possible to ask for prayer, to seek wise counsel, and to talk with trusted believers about the things going on in your life. Scripture itself invites us into this kind of humble dependence and mutual encouragement.
To help bring some practical clarity to this, here are a few questions to ask before you speak.
- Does talking about this stir up sinful behaviors in me, such as gossip, dishonesty, or hostility; or sinful heart attitudes, such as jealousy, discontentment, or bitterness?
- Am I honoring God with both my attitude and my words as a representative of His kingdom?
- If a nonbeliever heard me say this, would they clearly see a noticeable difference between me and the world?
- Am I bringing this up because I genuinely want to process it and learn how to respond in a wise and God-honoring way?
- Have I spoken directly to the person whose behavior is bothering me?
- Am I loving the Lord and my neighbor(s) by having this conversation?
- Am I revisiting an old situation because it remains unresolved in my heart and has become a root of bitterness?
While this list is by no means exhaustive, it can help us bring awareness to our hearts before we get our words and neighbors involved. If at any point these questions start to reveal that you’re crossing the line into sinful venting, take a moment to pause. Pray to the Lord. Ask Him to change your heart and help you bridle your tongue. If you stop yourself from speaking but still find yourself thinking, I need to tell somebody, I gently encourage you to go to the Lord.
There’s a familiar hymn that’s been running through my mind as I’ve reflected on this over the past few weeks—What a Friend We Have in Jesus. The third verse says,
Can we find a friend so faithful
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.7
Dear friend, there is no one more faithful, more compassionate, or more trustworthy to pour your heart out to than Him.
Better than a Backup Plan
In a recent staff prayer time, Revive Our Hearts team member Kim Zolman shared this reflection from Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy by Mark Vroegop: “Anyone can cry, grumble, and complain—but only the righteous offer their cries, grumbles, and complaints as prayers to the living God.”8
What a joy and relief! Who else but our God has infinite wisdom? Who else knows every detail of the situation? Who else intimately knows every corner of your heart? Who else has all the power to enact change in your circumstances?
Bringing your troubles before the Lord is not a backup plan for when you cannot rightly vent to a friend; it’s a far-greater privilege. We don’t often see it this way because we fail to understand the Lord rightly and treasure the relationship we have with Him. As adopted children of our heavenly Father, we have His ear. He will not give us a stone when we ask for bread.
Our God is not asking us to stifle our feelings or ignore hardship in our lives. No, He is offering us something far better. The King of the universe is bending down to give us His ear and offer us tailor-made grace for each and every situation, each and every day.
1 John Piper, “Is Venting the Same as Complaining?,” Desiring God, March 17, 2023, https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/is-venting-the-same-as-complaining.
2 Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth (@nancydemoss). 2026. “Is your heart dissatisfied or discontent today?” Instagram, February 13, 2026, https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUs834TjtMR/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==.
3 Charles H. Spurgeon, Morning and Evening: Daily Readings (Crossway, 2003), November 11, Evening.
4 John Piper, “Is Venting the Same as Complaining?,” Desiring God, March 17, 2023, https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/is-venting-the-same-as-complaining.
5 Piper, “Is Venting the Same as Complaining?”
6 Piper, “Is Venting the Same as Complaining?”
7 Joseph Medlicott Scriven, “What a Friend We Have in Jesus,” 1855.
8 Kim Zolman, Revive Our Hearts Staff Prayer, adapted from Dark Clouds Deep Mercy by Mark Vroegop (Crossway, 2019).
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