What Does It Mean When You Can't Stand Your Husband? These 5 Things! - Olubunmi Mabel

When you saw the question, “What does it mean when you can’t stand your husband?” What came to your mind?

I’m sure many different things will strike your mind within the blink of an eye.

This was the same question I got asked by a newly married friend.

She was barely married for two months when she asked this question.

And look at me. I am not even up to ten years in marriage, so my judgment might not be accurate.

So, I also sought counsel from an older colleague and things she shared with me blew my mind that I thought to share with you.

Marriage, as you must have known, is not and will never be a bed of roses.

Although you can make your marriage heaven on earth, truth be told, things will always happen.

Challenges are bound to arise; conflicts and disagreement will rear their head.

However, how you handle them goes a long way toward determining whether your relationship will last or crash-land.

When my friend shared with me that day, I felt like, do people go through this?

Let me make it more personal: Have you ever been in a situation so challenging that you feel you just can’t stand your husband?

If yes, then you are in the right place, as I am about to share with you what it means when you can’t stand your husband.

This situation is an emotionally taxing and complex situation where how you feel about your husband changes for the negative.

You can imagine somebody you once loved, lavished with praise and gifts, becoming someone you don’t even want to wake up to see by your side. These are some of the issues in marriage, and I am here to share with you what it means when you cannot stand your husband.

Here are 5 major things it could mean when you cannot stand your husband.

What Does It Mean When You Can’t Stand Your Husband? These 5 Things!

1. Breakdown in communication

Every relationship thrives on effective communication.

Effective communication is the backbone of every relationship, including marriage.

Imagine living in the same house with someone, and you don’t ever need to talk.

This can be very tricky.

Interestingly, communication goes beyond just talking.

Effective communication only occurs when the receiver of the message understands the message sent and acts accordingly, either by responding or taking action.

Now, the moment you cannot express your needs, concerns, and emotions openly, know that your relationship is no longer healthy, and this can lead to feelings of frustration, disconnection, and resentment.

In essence, when you cannot stand your husband, it could mean that your communication is breaking down.

2. Absence of intimacy

Another thing it can mean when you can’t stand your husband is that your relationship is lacking both physical and emotional intimacy.

Physical and emotional intimacy are important rudiments for a deep connection between husband and wife and when this is missing, couples can have feelings of detachment, loneliness and dissatisfaction towards each other.

According to Gary Chapman, every human has at least one of the five love languages he wrote extensively about.

These five love languages are words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, acts of service, and quality time.

All these five foster a sense of deep connection and intimacy between couples.

I am sure that you have at least one of these love languages with which you expect your partner to communicate with you often and vice versa.

If this doesn’t happen, it can create emotional distance between you and your husband.

In other words, you begin to feel emotionally disconnected and unfulfilled in your relationship when your intimacy needs are not met by your spouse.

Hence, the moment you cannot stand your husband, just know that it could mean that your intimacy level is depreciating.

3. Anger and resentment

These two feelings can also be associated with you not being able to stand your husband.

Anger is different from resentment but the two often walk together as a twin.

While resentment is more of a long-term thing, anger is a short-term thing.

Anger is an immediate outburst of negative emotions that you have towards a wrongdoing while resentment is a prolonged and lingering feeling of indignation and bitterness towards a person for their wrongdoing and in this case, your husband.

Many times, your husband can hurt you and you may not react immediately until one, two or weeks later when you have an outburst.

Usually, this kind of outburst comes with hurtful words or actions that can hurt your husband’s ego.

It must be noted, however, that both anger and resentment can build up over time, especially when your communication bar and intimacy level have been depreciating.

You must also know that these feelings are often fueled by perceived injustices, unresolved conflicts, or unmet needs within your marriage relationship, which, if left unchecked, can harm it.

The outcome is always that your trust and intimacy will be eroded while a cycle of dissatisfaction and bitterness will be fueled.

In essence, when you cannot stand your husband, it could mean you are either angry at him or you are resentful towards him.

4. Unresolved issues

Issues that are left unresolved between spouses can lead to resentment and disdain for one another.

Usually, these issues can be found rooted in unmet expectations, previous conflicts, differing priorities, and values, or even avoidance.

When issues happen in your marriage, and they are left unresolved, like my friend, who was barely two months in marriage and had unresolved issues piled up, it can lead to animosity and ongoing tension between you and your husband, making it difficult for you to foster a positive connection.

So, the moment you feel like you can’t stand your husband, just know that somewhere, there is an unresolved issue eating you up.

5. Changing dynamics

As with many things in the world today, the dynamics of relationships are changing.

As the world veers towards globalization as a result of technological innovations, relationships are also evolving and changing.

The more we grow, the more we change in the way we see things, just as our values and priorities also change.

This leads to having different behavioural patterns and expectations in the marriage and this can affect our mode of communication and interaction.

Hence, these changes can result in feelings of disconnection between partners, especially when their interests, priorities, and life goals begin to diverge.

For example, in the past, women were largely expected to take on the role of a homemaker, while men were seen as the breadwinners and heads of the household.

However, with changing times, these roles are no longer strictly defined and can cause confusion or conflict within a relationship if both partners have differing views on gender roles.

This explains again what it means when you can’t stand your husband; it means you and your husband are not on the same page.

Now that I have shown you what it can mean when you can’t stand your husband, should I just let you go? No! I should also help you with some solutions.

I will share with you what you can do when you can’t stand your husband, especially if you want your marriage to be back in shape.

1. Validate your emotions

You will be doing yourself a great disservice if you continue to suppress your feelings and pretend that everything is fine.

It is important to acknowledge and validate your emotions, whether they are anger, frustration, or sadness.

These emotions are valid, and it’s okay to feel them, and also explore the possible reasons you feel you can’t stand your husband.

2. Have an honest and open conversation

Remember, ineffective communication could be one of the reasons you feel you can’t stand your husband.

Hence, you should tackle and defeat this by opening up a conversation with him and being sincere.

Let him see those things that are hurting you and be willing to listen to his perspective, too.

Who knows, maybe he’s feeling like he can’t stand you too?

3. Seek help

In some cases, the first two things may prove ineffective depending on the situation you have at hand.

In this case, you should seek help.

Seek help from trusted friends or older women or, better still, a counselor.

Counselors have the skills and, in many cases, the experiences that can provide you with a safe space to express your feelings, improve your communication with your spouse, and develop effective strategies to resolve your conflict.

So far, I have shared with you what it can mean when can’t stand your husband.

I have also shared tips to follow when you notice this change in emotions.

Overall, I want you to remember that marriage is a union of two people and requires the effort of both parties to make it work.

So, to overcome the challenges of marriage, commitment, patience, and a willingness to work together are needed.

Also, be empathetic in all your dealings with your husband.

I’m rooting for you!