When A Man Keeps Hurting You Emotionally: 8 Things It Means - Olubunmi Mabel

Even in the most successful relationships, people get hurt sometimes.

I wish I could tell you otherwise but we are not perfect.

Hence, we make mistakes sometimes and hurt the people we love.

However, when a man keeps hurting you emotionally, it becomes a different scenario entirely.

You may begin to wonder if he does it intentionally and what he gains from behaving that way.

Emotional hurt is terrible but when it is inflicted on you by someone you love, it is even worse.

It could be very difficult to understand and explain the motives of such people.

However, in this article, I will attempt to undertake that very difficult task and finally be able to shed some light on the reasons some men keep hurting women emotionally.

There will also be additional insights on how to deal with such a person without jeopardizing your welfare.

Come along!

1. He doesn’t realize the impact of his behavior

This is like the best-case scenario…

The one you probably want to believe.

You want to believe that he keeps hurting you emotionally because he is unaware of the impact of his behavior and perhaps, it could just be the case.

However, I want you to know that there is only a very slim chance of this actually being the case.

Please, keep this in mind.

Sometimes, people hurt others without exactly realizing that they are hurting anyone.

I am sure if you think about it, you may recall one or two occasions that you hurt someone and you weren’t even aware of the fact that they were hurt.

Growing up, I used to have a sharp mouth.

I was very quick to insult and my insults were very creative.

A lot of the time, I was actually conscious of what I was doing but there were times I didn’t even realize that I hurt anyone.

I had to start being more conscious of the way I speak to people and this way, I believe I got better.

I didn’t say hurtful things to people I didn’t mean to say them to.

And I even learned how to control what I say even to people who deserve hurtful responses.

My point is that if a man keeps on hurting you emotionally, there could be a slim chance that he doesn’t even know what he is doing.

Have you spoken to him about it?

If you haven’t, then you should.

Perhaps, he didn’t mean to hurt you but really doesn’t have the kind of self-awareness and control that will make him realize how hurtful his behavior may be.

Either way, his lack of awareness shouldn’t be an excuse for the consistent hurt he has caused you.

You need to let him know what he has been doing and how wrong it is.

2. He is testing your boundaries

We talk about toxic relationships all the time and the saddest thing is that our generation actually seems to have even more toxic relationships.

So, why do we seem to talk about toxic relationships so much when many of us are in those kinds of relationships?

For the most part, it is a result of a lack of clearly defined boundaries in the relationship.

So, when a man keeps on hurting you emotionally, he may be attempting to test how far he can push you without any consequences.

He is testing your limits and wants to know how far he can push before you lash out.

He wants to know if you will tolerate his bad behavior and forgive him for hurting you.

Why does he do such a diabolical thing?

Well, it may be his first step to establishing full control over you.

He wants to know if you are under his spell enough for him to get away with almost anything.

In this situation, it is important that you can recognize the patterns.

Recognizing the patterns will help you assert clear boundaries in the relationship.

You must never forget that anything that attacks your sense of self-respect is not love and shouldn’t be allowed in your relationship.

3. He is insecure

I am sure you are wondering what kind of man keeps hurting a person emotionally.

There’s one answer that comes to mind readily…

An insecure man.

Insecurity has really weird ways of manifesting in people.

It makes people turn into bullies and meanies who derive satisfaction from seeing people hurt.

When a man feels insecure in a relationship for whatever reason, he may attempt to keep his partner subjected by emotionally hurting and abusing her.

He says hurtful things to you and later tries to make you feel like you are at fault and you just make him do things he doesn’t want to do.

He makes you feel like you don’t deserve to be with him and if he hadn’t “pitied” you, you would probably be on the streets.

He employs manipulation and gaslighting to make you think that he is the best thing that ever happened to you even while he hurts you emotionally.

This is a subtle form of abuse and if you recognize this sort of pattern in your relationship, you are being emotionally abused.

To combat this, you need to develop a decent sense of self-esteem and strong support systems to help you through it all.

4. He is projecting his pain

Recently, I realized something that got me thinking.

Most bullies are usually scared and hurt people looking for ways to project the pain and hurt they feel to others.

If a man keeps hurting you emotionally, it may be safe to say that he is projecting his pain on you.

He may be projecting his sense of inadequacy and unworthiness to you.

He hurts you emotionally so he can feel better about himself.

He wants company in his misery and so he hurts you emotionally.

Sometimes, he does this unintentionally…

However, you shouldn’t allow his actions to define your worth as they are just mere reflections of his internal struggles.

5. He comes from a dysfunctional background

Sometimes, when people behave inappropriately, we need to take a deep look at where they are coming from.

Dysfunctional family backgrounds have a way of messing a person up.

And while you may know few people from such backgrounds who act appropriately, what you don’t know is that it took a lot of intentional effort for them to get over their upbringing.

Do you know how people learn to behave like others after years of interaction?

Well, toxic patterns are even much easier to imbibe.

If a man grew up, witnessing toxic and unhealthy relationships, the chances are he would behave the same way.

This is because he may begin to see it as normal.

A man may keep hurting you emotionally because he watched his father do it before him and he was surrounded by adults who did the same thing.

This is why we are so particular about love, relationships, and family.

One dysfunctional family may set up a destructive cycle that could go on for hundreds of years.

To break out of this cycle, it takes a lot of self-awareness and a willingness to change.

If your man is in this category, you need to look out for a sign that he is willing to change and then encourage him to get the help he needs.

6. He is terrified of intimacy

There are certain people that are terrified of letting people get close to them.

To them, intimacy is something to be feared.

This may be a result of having had several bad experiences in the past.

The fact is that because of this fear of intimacy, they tend to always keep people at a distance, never letting them close enough.

They do this in a lot of ways, sometimes even going as far as hurting you emotionally.

To form deep connections, you need vulnerability, trust, and a lot of emotional investments and they are not ready to be vulnerable with or trust anybody.

So, they may sabotage whatever relationship they have with you by hurting you emotionally to protect themselves.

A man who has a phobia of intimacy will stop at nothing to just avoid getting close to anyone.

7. He is tired of the relationship

This is one thing you need to consider when a man keeps hurting you emotionally.

I am sure many ladies may have experienced the way some guys change abruptly at some point in the relationship.

They just start treating you like you are not worthy of love.

They act like you are wasting their time.

But the worst part is when they actually act like you disgust them.

Many men act this way when they are tired of a relationship.

Rather than act mature and end things like adults, he goes ahead to emotionally abuse and possibly cheat on you to make you end the relationship, yourself.

It’s quite immature but many men do it and you need to consider this option especially when he starts displaying signs of cheating.

8. He is a control freak

I have seen some control freaks in my life and one thing they all share in common is the compulsive need to always be in control.

They want to be in control so bad that they would try to make you feel worthless and in need of their validation.

One way they would normally do this is by verbally and emotionally abusing you.

Words are their weapon and they wield it with brutal efficiency and accuracy.

They know exactly where to hit to get the reaction they need.

If you are in a relationship with a man who feels the need to control every aspect of your life, don’t be surprised that he keeps hurting you.

For him, it is a means to an end.

You may not know this but if you are in this situation, you are in an extremely abusive relationship.

And like always advise people, regardless of the reason for the abuse, you need to flee an abusive relationship.

Don’t stay with the expectations that they will change.

You must first consider your welfare before anything else.

It must be a confusing situation for a man you love to keep hurting you emotionally.

You probably don’t even know how to feel.

One minute, you are enjoying each other’s company, and the next, he is lashing out at you.

Now that you know what it means when a man keeps hurting you, you want to know what to do.

My first advice is that you distance yourself so you can process your feelings.

Give yourself time to calm down and understand what is happening.

Don’t force a conversation about it until you are sure you can handle it.

You must never try to feel like you are overreacting.

You are not overreacting if you are worried that someone keeps hurting you.

Wanting to know why is very normal.

You also need to consider what they mean to you and if you can try to endure their behavior as long as they make efforts to change.

If they don’t show any interest in changing or working on themselves, do you really want to subject yourself to a life of constant emotional hurt?

These are some of the things you need to consider before deciding on what to do.

Do you stay or leave?

The ball is in your court.

However, in whatever decisions you make, you must ensure that your welfare has a front row seat on your list of priorities.

A little note to men who keep hurting women emotionally…

Change!

And make it up to those you have hurt.