When Everything Fell: Survivor Darin Kinder on 9/11, Faith, and Purpose

Photo image courtesy Henry Sutanto for Unsplash
September 11, 2001, is a day etched into the soul of America—a day of unimaginable loss, extraordinary courage, and stories of survival that still move us more than two decades later.

Former U.S. Secret Service agent Darin Kinder is a man who lived through that horror firsthand. Kinder was inside the World Trade Center when it was attacked at 8:46am on a beautiful sun-splashed Tuesday morning. As the towers came crashing down around him, Kinder faced a moment that would forever change his life—and his understanding of courage, faith, and purpose.

In his book, Bury Me in a Dirty Suit, Kinder chronicles his experience that infamous day and the journey that followed, asking a profound question: What does it mean to live a life of valiant purpose?

His story is not simply about surviving 9/11. It’s about what God can teach us in the darkest moments, how faith can carry us through unimaginable circumstances, and how we can choose to live with courage, conviction, and a willingness to serve others.

I recently sat down with the Secret Service Medal of Valor Recipient to reflect on what happened to him on that fateful day 25 years ago, what to do when the stakes are high and there is no script, and some practical ways to seek and find your purpose in life.

You were at the World Trade Center in New York on September 11, 2001. In your words, please describe what happened?

I was a young Secret Service agent at the time. I was only 27 years old. I was in our New York field office that was in the World Trade Center. We didn't know what was going on, but we were told to evacuate. And when we evacuated, we were on the north side of the North Tower, where that first plane had hit. We didn't have a grand plan. Part of the beauty of my day is just kind of tackling the next problem in front of us, what I call doing the next thing, which I think we can all relate to in our Christian walk. But in that moment in time, we went from about 30 special agents to being a first responder, just like that, with the snap of a finger. We had first aid equipment, and we went to a corner where there were a bunch of ambulances. We just started rendering basic first aid to a bunch of wounded people that were just walking around in the area. We did that for hours and hours.

Thousands of people lost their lives that day. I am sure you have thought about why you made it out of there while others didn’t. Why do you think your life was spared?

By my count, there were at least three different times in my day where I should have died, due to both of the collapses and another time as well. I've had 25 years to think about that. And being a believer (in Christ) at the time, obviously a less mature believer, I really struggled for about five years, honestly, to come to grips with what happened that day. What was my calling? What was my mission? I knew that I was saved. I knew that I was spared for a reason. I also knew that 3,000 people were not spared. And I never asked the Lord. I never felt I was entitled to an answer as to why they didn't live. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. He ties the heavens to the seas. It says that in Isaiah 55. And so are His thoughts higher than our thoughts. So, I never felt entitled to that answer, but I did want to know what my mission was. Okay, you have a plan for me, clearly. So, what is it? And man, I really beat my head against that rock for about five years. I have eventually learned that God's timing is perfect, and our timing is often impatient. He was leading me through a process where He was starting to put His mission on my heart, and that was, honestly, for men's ministry. My mission was to be a minister to men and to reach the heart of men through what I call a model of fierce faith. And He just started putting that into my heart at about the five-year mark after 9-11.

That has been kind of the core theme, and the core mission of my life ever since. He's been kind enough. He's been gracious enough to affirm that as I've gone along in this journey, and the rest of my career with the Secret Service.

We are quickly rolling up on the 25th anniversary of that fateful day. What would you like people to remember about September 11, 2001, as we move further beyond it?

That's a great question. For me, I have several answers, but the primary answer is this. The book that I wrote, Bury Me in a Dirty Suit, is dedicated to the 422 first responders who died in New York City. Three-hundred-forty-three (343) New York City firefighters are included in that 422. I tell people all the time, especially as I've launched my speaking career, how can we honor them? How can we remember them? And for me, it's very simple. Number one, we can say never forget, and we can tell the next generation. So, we need to properly educate the next couple of generations behind us, so that they never forget and the memory of that day lives on. And number two, I want to honor the first responder community with the way that I live my life for the rest of my days. How do we honor the first responder community? We take a step in their shoes and say, look, they often interact with people every day on their absolute worst day. Think about that. If you had to interact with the general public when it’s always their worst day, because something was going wrong, oftentimes terribly wrong. They're entering into the unknown. They're shoulder-to-shoulder with their brothers, sisters, whether that's a firefighter, whether that's a police officer, or a paramedic. What can I do? That's one of my challenges when I speak to civic groups. What can you do to honor the guardian community? They're the guardians of our society. Plato said, “The community suffers nothing very terrible if its cobblers are bad and become degenerate and pretentious; but if the guardians of its laws and constitution, who alone have the opportunity to bring it good government and prosperity, become a mere sham, then clearly it is completely ruined.”

These first responders' communities are our guardians, so how can we elevate them?

For many people associated in some personal way with 9/11, they have chosen to keep their thoughts private and not share about that harrowing day and the days that followed. For you, could you please share about the moment where you said to yourself, “I need to write a book about what happened to me.”

That's a great question. Thank you for asking. We're called to bring light in the darkness, and there was a lot of darkness on September 11, 2001. The Lord made it clear to me, as it is written in Romans 8:28, He was going to flip it around. He was going to make all things good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. I didn't talk about my experience on 9/11 for 10 years. I didn't want anybody to know that pain, to know that darkness, or to know that experience. But through godly men that were around me and giving me counsel, the Holy Spirit just continued to nudge me and then shove me. It became very clear. I had to start telling this story. And once I started telling this story, here's the beautiful part. Here's what I want people to hear. I was doing it because I thought I was being obedient to God, and I was. I was doing it to help others, and as I told this story over and over again in front of large groups, a tremendous amount of healing and restoration started to happen. The Lord brought that light into my heart. And a lot of things that I was clinging to and wrestling with, there was tremendous healing. Fast forward over the years, that was at the 10-year anniversary. I wrote the book in my head for about another 10 years. And then I started getting after it. As I was about to retire from the Secret Service, I knew that this was going to be my second career.

Bury Me in a Dirty Suit illustrates what you experienced that fatefully tragic day and seems to be a what to do when the pressure is on when the stakes are high, and there’s no script type of book. Do you agree?

We all have different skills, talents, and abilities. We're all trained in whatever profession we set out to do. But as Christians, we're trained in righteousness, and we're trained to reflect the love and the grace of Christ that's been given to us and reflected out onto others. And so, for me, that's why I like to say that courage is a choice. Answering the call, answering the bell, however you want to say it, is a choice. I think those are muscles that need to be flexed. They need reps, like you're working them out, so that when things get really hard, when things in life get turned upside down and dark really quickly, you are ready for it. Whether that's a career that's all of a sudden lost, or whether that's a diagnosis that you didn't see coming, it doesn't have to be a national terrorist event. When those things happen, those muscles are there. We've had the hard conversations, we've had the hard choices, we've towed the line when no one else was looking. All these things, all those reps build up a resilience. And I don't bat a thousand, but I try to have that Romans 5 perspective of when things come at me. Lord, thank you. This is building steadfastness in me. This is building endurance. And that is developing my character. You're not wasting these hard times, you're using it to develop my character, and that leads me to hope, the hope found only in Jesus. It is the hope that never disappoints. And that is the heartbeat of resilience for me in my life.

After people have had a chance to read Bury Me in a Dirty Suit what would you like your readers to take away from that experience? What is your greatest hope for the book?

My greatest hope is when people are done with it, is that they are not only motivated and fired up, but they are also going to feel equipped. They will think, ‘You know what? I can do this!’ The Lord is my strength. I can be strong in the Lord and the power of His might.’ (Ephesians 6) I can do that. I am more equipped to live out my God-ordained purpose. And then, when they deploy into whatever that arena may be, whatever societal issue or problem they face, whatever God has designed, or whatever the Lord has put on their heart, that the Holy Spirit would lead them to the one elusive thing that we’re all searching for, and that is joy.

Former Secret Service Agent & Author Darin Kinder. Photo image courtesy Darin Kinder
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