I get questions a lot of times about why I love and serve God even when He doesn’t always give me what I want. A lot of people wonder why I continue to pursue relationship with Jesus, and consider it old-fashioned or burdensome. So, I wanted to write a post about why I choose Jesus.

It’s definitely not because of the people who call themselves Christians—although some are a wonderful gift to me and I’m so grateful for them. But the people in the Church are messy just like everyone else, and when we expect them to be perfect or to never hurt or reject us, we will be disappointed. I know, though, that people who believe in Jesus recognize they need something other than themselves to do life. So, as they are dependent on Him, they love people well. When they are relying on their own self-righteousness or rule-following, they end up in a place of religion which is toxic and downright abusive sometimes. The word religion means to bind over and over again. When we bind ourselves up in trying to please God without the power He has given us to do so, we are in a bigger mess than if we deny Him entirely.

I also don’t pursue relationship with God because I was raised to believe Him and brainwashed into doing so. In fact, I have had many reason NOT to pursue relationship with Him over the years, and it would actually be easier for me and make more sense to drop the whole thing! I could make more money, have easier relationships and not experience nearly as much rejection.

Instead, I love Jesus because He loved me first, not when I met His standard or expectation. He reached out to me in love with no strings attached. I don’t have to accept His love, and He experiences rejection more than any other person I know as many refuse Him.

I love Jesus because He not only gave me a brand new Life, free from the power of sin and able to find purpose in every day, but also because He provides everything I need to live that Life by coming to live with me. He doesn’t just put me on the “religious track” and tell me He hopes I make it through and don’t mess up. He walks every minute of every day with me, providing everything I need to be able to function and do the impossible.

I love Jesus because I never have experienced such gentleness, such kindness, such mercy as in relationship with Him. I watch Him not only put up with me and all my mistakes, but to choose to delight in me and enjoy me. He doesn’t tolerate me, but wants relationship with me (and you) more than anything.

I love Jesus because I can’t do my life on my own, and I’ve come to realize that with great clarity. I can’t love people well. I can’t show up for my kids. I can’t prevent repeating mistakes of the past. I can’t keep from hurting others. I can’t figure out how to live life without Him. I know that makes me sound incompetent and weak, and I am! What a joy and relief to admit that and move into the ability of God. I love Corrie ten Boom’s statement—"It’s not my ability, but my response to God’s ability that counts.”

I love Jesus because even though He doesn’t do things the way I want or pray for sometimes, even though sometimes He allows things in my life that I hate, I know He will never allow anything in my life that doesn’t move me along in relationship with Him. His goal is not that I have a painless life, that I do everything right, or that I am super successful in the world’s eyes. Instead, it’s that I know Him—He is always about relationship. I don’t like to admit it, but most people who are close to me have been through hard things with me. I know I can count on them because they haven’t left me in difficulty, and I know them on a much deeper level because of the hardships. I believe that as much as we sometimes want superficial, easy relationships, they don’t give us the connection we really desire.

I love Jesus because I’m going to experience hardship regardless—this world is full of it. I would much rather have a God who provides joy in the journey, peace that makes no sense, and power for each day that surpasses anything I could do on my own. I don’t avoid difficulty because I have a relationship with God. In fact, trouble and suffering is promised. But there is purpose in them, and a way through them when I maintain relationship with Jesus. I want to wring out every bit of the good stuff I can have in the middle of hard things, and that is only possible for me when I recognize God’s hand guiding me through.

I may seem crazy to a lot of people, but I am so grateful to get to be with Jesus in all of this crazy world. In Him, I have intimacy my heart craves, joy even in trouble, and peace that makes no sense. No one can take that away from me.

And everything I’ve taught you is so that the peace which is in me will be in you and will give you great confidence as you rest in me. For in this unbelieving world you will experience trouble and sorrows, but you must be courageous, for I have conquered the world. John 16:33