Women Marry Men They Don't Love Because Of These 7 Reasons - Olubunmi Mabel
One day, I was scrolling through Twitter, the land of hot and usually unrealistic takes, when I came across a tweet that said something like, “Women marry the ready man, not the man they love.”
It may sound outlandish, but I realized there might be some truth to it.
Perhaps generalizing it to all women is not correct.
However, the general idea may not be so wrong.
For all of human history, except for the last few decades, some women rarely had the luxury of having a choice in the man they spend the rest of their life with or if they even want a husband at all.
It is sad that one of the most important decisions someone could make in their life had to be made for women.
Fortunately, that’s a thing of the past in many world regions.
Now, women basically have the total freedom to choose whomever they want.
This raises the question, “Why do some women still marry men they don’t love when they are free to marry anyone?”
Women Marry Men They Don’t Love Because Of These 7 Reasons
1. The pressure to get married is high
I come from a small town in Nigeria.
And, like in all small towns, the tendency of your neighbors to be all over your business is really high.
You could get back after a few months away, and you will find that almost everyone within a few miles of your house wants to know where you have been and what you are up to.
They could even ask you “indirect” questions like, “How is your wife doing?” and you will be in shock because you are unaware that you got married to anyone.
It’s even worse for a woman.
They just keep adding pressure, asking unnecessary questions whenever they see her, and when she decides to stay inside, the story doesn’t change.
Usually, parents and other family members are the most common sources of pressure.
The fact that women always have to be reminded that their biological clock is ticking and that “it is the early bird that gets the worm” is among the top reasons why women marry men they don’t love.
When women are younger, they still have time to dream.
They are unaware of the biological clock tick-tocking away and can dream of meeting and marrying the man they love.
However, at some point, it begins to seem more urgent for them to get married.
At this point, many usually stop waiting for the man of their dreams and make do with the man who is ready to marry.
Of course, they don’t necessarily marry someone they hate just because he is ready.
But when women reach a point where the pressure from family members and friends starts feeling unbearable, they may end up marrying a man they like who seems ready for marriage.
2. Financial security
Saying that people always marry for love has to be the wrongest generalization ever made.
People marry for different reasons.
Some people crave companionship, while others want to build a family.
And there are still others who crave the financial security that comes with marriage.
We will be talking about the latter here.
As a guy, I know how painful it is to be rejected by a girl you love.
It is even worse when it is because you don’t have so much money.
It gets you thinking about a lot of things.
Well, my advice is to get inspired, make money the right way, and don’t do it just because you want to impress a woman.
But really, for many women, financial security is a significant factor influencing who they marry.
This is especially true for ladies who grew up in poor households and may not have as many chances and opportunities in life as their wealthier counterparts.
They attempt to better their lives by being married to financially buoyant men, even if their love belongs to another.
I grew up watching many movies that centered around this theme and in fact, I have seen it happen around me so many times.
A woman, having many interested men, has to make a choice, and sometimes, choosing whom she loves may clash with her other desires.
Hence, it now comes down to making a tough decision- choosing love or financial security.
I have seen many ladies choose the latter.
It is their choice, and I won’t demonize them for it.
3. The fear of being alone
Life is best lived when we are surrounded by people who love and are loved by us.
I seriously can’t imagine having to go through life alone.
It is a thought of nightmarish quality, and it is a major reason women marry men they don’t love.
After a string of relationships that have led to no serious commitments, many women usually get scared of being alone for the rest of their lives.
The belief that younger women are more attractive to men also fuels the panic most women feel when they reach a certain age.
At this age, the fear of being alone becomes so strong that they settle for the next man who shows interest in them.
Well, listen to me.
There is one thing worse than being alone, and that is marrying the wrong person.
You shouldn’t let the fear of being alone push you into having to spend the rest of your life with someone you don’t love.
I haven’t been there, but I believe it’s not worth it.
4. Personal circumstances
In secondary school, I had a classmate who got pregnant.
She couldn’t terminate the pregnancy, and when her parents found out, all hell broke loose.
She couldn’t continue her schooling and was forced to marry the guy who impregnated her.
This was all because the parents wanted the man to care for the girl and her child.
This is the story of several other women from my community.
Unplanned pregnancy is one of the leading reasons many women marry men they don’t love.
Single mothers are usually stigmatized in this part of the world.
Hence, there is an urge to marry men they don’t love.
It’s sad how one sexual encounter could end up defining your entire life.
This is why we advise that you should avoid premarital sex as much as possible.
Not just from a religious standpoint but also because of what the consequences of premarital sex can force us to do.
5. They marry for social status
I know a couple that live pretty close to my house.
If theirs was the only model of marriage I had around, I am sure I would never even consider getting married.
The marriage is just so toxic.
The woman is hardworking and enterprising, but her husband is one indolent man.
He cheats on her and abuses her, both physically and verbally.
After one of their loud fights, she opened up and mentioned regretting getting married to him.
She confessed that she had been attracted to him because of his family name.
The man is from a very influential family in the community, and they are treated like royalty.
She wanted to rise to that social status, and for that reason, she married him.
Not for his personal money; he didn’t have any.
Not because she was pregnant; she only wanted his prestigious surname as hers.
Names can open many doors for you, even more doors than we can imagine.
And in this case, it can attract women who don’t love you.
The allure of better social standing, increased respect, and the associated benefits can drive women to marry for reasons other than love.
6. Family obligations
Remember how I said many years ago that many women didn’t have any influence over the choice of the men they married?
Well, it still happens in some parts of the world.
Family obligations can be a reason why some women don’t marry the men they love.
In some cases, women marry to strengthen their family ties.
This is especially true for aristocrats and very wealthy families.
Arranged marriages, still prevalent among the aforementioned classes, often prioritize family approval over personal affection.
Marriage is seen as a duty a woman has to her family.
A “noble” duty to strengthen their alliances and status in society.
I know this looks so 16th-century-ish, but I assure you that it happens even in our modern digital world.
7. They are insecure
It is normal to seek stability.
Almost everyone wants a stable life.
However, they don’t know that you can give yourself a stable life.
It may seem difficult, but all it requires is a robust sense of self-confidence and being comfortable in your own skin.
Not everyone is wired this way, though.
A lot of women are emotionally vulnerable.
They are insecure and constantly seek stability, but they have not learned to look within for stability.
Most of them attach stability to having a man in their lives.
Hence, many people decide to get married because they feel that marriage will give them the security and care they need, even if love is lacking.
While love is an ideal foundation for marriage, many women marry for reasons other than love.
I don’t want to discount the various reasons why women marry men they don’t love.
They are mostly valid reasons.
However, you need to also think about the consequences of marrying a man you don’t love.
Think about what it would feel like to spend your life with someone you don’t love.
Think of all these and say this along with me…
“I won’t be pressured into making important decisions rashly.”
Be patient, and love will find you.
