Brave dating is dating to discover who you are. The result of this learning process will then lead you to a good match to give you that love for a lifetime you desire. But how are you to attempt brave dating when there are so many losers out there? And why do all the losers only want to go out with you?
Ahem. Just because a coffee date didn’t work out doesn’t make someone a loser. Because couldn’t that make you a loser too? And maybe it’s not always about them. It may be something about you.
Let me explain myself better by giving you this testimony:
“I’ve recently thrown myself deep into the dating waters. While I’ve been on nine consecutive first dates without even an offer of a second date, I know that I wouldn’t have met a handful of those guys for breakfast again, no matter how delicious the pancakes were. But for a few of the others, it does cause me to pause, to ask tough questions about myself, my communication style, and my expectations. Though I haven’t come to any strong conclusions, the process of questioning has been very beneficial for me. If I had continued to only embrace courtship, I never would have been forced into such uncomfortable, but ultimately profitable, self-examination.” Source.
First, I’m sure many of you are asking, how did she get nine different dates? How is she in circles where she is getting asked out? How can I get into those circles? I will cover that in another article.
What a brave one she is! She made herself vulnerable nine different times and will probably do it again and again. And of course, over here at Bravester we are all about challenging you to live more vulnerably because it does lead to a braver life–realizing the risk that we are asking of you.
You can have your plenty of reasons why you don’t go out on more dates—whether you are “courting” (thereby placing your vulnerability into the hands of your parents) or “have a funny feeling about him” or “she’s not my type,” or whatever. Your reasons are really a protection of your vulnerability so you don’t have to put yourself out there–so you do not try to learn about you. It is always going to be about them, when it may really be about you.
I understand that is quite the raw statement. I can hear you saying, “But… but… but…” Here is where your vulnerability comes in. I’ve got to ask you, are all of those “buts” really true?
You want to find your good match. But you have to know who you are so you can be matched right. This means vulnerability. We are pushing you here to help you not let your defenses and excuses keep you locked up in a small world. And remember that the team you assembled is for you. Lean on them.
You know what is not about you? If the coffee date didn’t work out, it’s not a reflection on you. It just didn’t work out. You gave someone of good character a chance. You learned something about you—however little or large that may have been. You are not rejected. This simply was not a match.
You can be brave enough to try again. You can get into those circles where you will find more opportunities. You can face that uncomfortable yet ultimately profitable self-examination and figure out what a great catch you really are!
(Photo credit: http://sethwinterhalter.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Apple-Mirror.jpg)
Originally published at Bravester with permission from Brenda Seefeldt Amodea.