Back

“I’m Allowed… I’m A Guy.” Judging Double Standards By God’s Word. – Impacting Righteously

Petrina Ferguson

(Photo: Pixabay)

“No big deal…He’s a guy.” “I can… I’m a guy!” “What do you expect?! He’s a guy!”

Have you ever heard that or something similar? Chances are, you have heard it or something similar numerous times. When certain types of unacceptable behaviors have been done by men or boys, this is often the explanation or justification:

“I’m a guy… “
“Oh it’s all right, he’s just a guy…”
“Boys will be boys!”

If you are anything like me, you get tired of hearing it and realize how unfair and unrighteous it is, in many cases. The same goes for any double standards that favor women! From a young age, plenty girls are programmed to believe that “boys will be boys.” Indeed boys will be boys and should be boys, according to how God created them!

Unfortunately, with the usage of “boys will be boys,” this also often translates to the belief that boys or men can do certain wrong things and get away with them, because they are male.

For the record, being male is not an indication of being automatically defective and being inept at doing what is right.

While the idea of being let off the hook from the responsibility to do right may seem flattering to some, it is not flattering to be deemed as morally defective and inept by default, based on gender.

Although in it’s correct context, “boys will be boys” is true, it has been used in the incorrect context to justify bad behavior and has helped to create low expectations for boys and men. The correct context of “boys will be boys” would be to describe an incident where boys are wrestling and playing rough, but harmless.

Or, “boys will be boys” could be used to describe a healthy level of competition in their nature. Anything that does not go against God’s commands is alright. Keep in mind that the golden rule always applies.

“Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.”
Matthew 7:12.

No gender has a license or birthright to sin.

Double standards are in direct contradiction to Bible commands. Why are double standards so harmful and why is it so important to not support them? Well, double standards are unfair, and they negatively affect many aspects of people’s lives.

Double standards influence how people think and act, as well as affecting people’s boundaries, standards, and tolerance levels. They negatively affect overall morale in society. There are double standards surrounding many issues that we deal with.

Double standards in favor of women are equally wrong. I’m going to talk about a few of the most common double standards that I have observed, and examine them in light of the word of God. The truth of God’s word reminds us why we should not support certain things.

Here are some problems that are not justifiable, but are commonly justified because of double standards.

1) Violent, aggressive behavior in men

God is not impressed with a macho man bulldozing his way around, flexing his muscles, bullying others and causing ruckus. Self-proclaimed “alpha” males may behave this way.

“He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.” Proverbs 16: 32.

Yet, too often people have been overly tolerant of and written off violent behavior as “masculinity” or as just being a guy. Especially some women, when making excuses for their man’s actions. Some of the men even admire violence.

That said, it is important for a man to be a strong defender and protector, when it is actually necessary. We live in a fallen and corrupt, sinful world. There is a time for battle and there is a time to fight for what is right. There is also a healthy level of competitiveness in men that I believe was given to them by God. There is nothing wrong with this.

2) Bad hygiene/bad sanitary habits.

I’m not talking about a sweaty day of working in the yard or going to work. I’m talking about habitual lack of cleanliness. Rightfully so, I can’t think of any man that desires a woman who does not take care of herself as far as appearance and hygiene either!

There are certainly women who don’t keep themselves clean as well. However, we are unlikely to dismiss it or make light of it because she is female. The point is to have the right mindset about sanitation when it comes to both men and women.

3) Being a slob

For example:

– Spitting all over the walkways.

– Urinating among crowds and on other’s property is completely unacceptable.

I was at a festival and a young man and young lady walked by me and a friend of mine. He had his private part hanging out to the side, urinating as they walked. He may have justified it with “I’m a guy; I can just whip it out and go wherever I am!” 

He is not the only one. Some other guys seem to think it’s okay to urinate up against people’s houses or on someone’s car as well, as if they are a dog marking their territory. Awful! These behaviors violate the golden rule.

– Throwing garbage onto the floor, on the roads, or into the woods is unacceptable. Some girls and women are guilty of this as well.

I know some girls and women are sloppy too. Typically, people don’t justify it and say, “That’s just what ladies do!” We tend to expect better, because they are ladies. However, when we see a guy doing these kinds of things, some people tend to brush it off and say, “he’s a guy” to explain and justify it. This is NOT okay.

4) Sexual immorality/ womanizing.

This is a big one. Since long ago, society was somehow influenced to downplay the fact that sleeping around is no better when a man does it than when a woman does it.

For so long, certain men influenced others to glorify male promiscuity. It is as if they rewrote the rules and gave themselves allowances to do these things that are wrong. What does the Bible say?

Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?”  1 Corinthians 6: 18 -19 (KJV).

It doesn’t imply that it is better for a man to practice sexual immorality, simply because he is male and cannot get pregnant.

That was the excuse I was given when I heard double standards and one-sided instruction, where girls were much more heavily monitored and reprimanded about sexual immorality. “Boys can’t get pregnant!” was a common excuse. To this day, certain religious circles hold these biased beliefs and propagate them.

It is clear to me that inserting double standards in the instruction of and application of God’s word is an ongoing ploy to give men freedom for debauchery, and to control women and women’s sexuality.

It is not about adhering to God’s righteousness. If it were about the righteousness of God, there would be no room for hypocrisy. There would be a balanced approach. The whole counsel of God would be embraced and applied, regardless of gender.

God is not impressed with a man’s womanizing; neither should a woman be. The scriptures are clear. God is not impressed with a woman practicing sexual immorality, either. The truth is, we tend as a society to already understand that about women, but promiscuity among men has not been treated the same.

It has been and continues to be glorified by some. At best, it is downplayed. Some ladies are fighting back, retaliating by unfortunately, living a lie and glorifying their own debauchery. Tired of the double standards, they say, “If men can do it, so can women.”

The word of God is the standard. Not people’s traditions, not people’s wishful thinking, or self-imposed rules.

Many boys and men have been deceived into believing that it is something great and will bring them affirmation for taking a lot of women to bed. It strokes the ego. They believe they are conquering the women they take to bed. They brag, but sadly, if they only knew it is nothing to brag or be proud about.

Even in some religious circles, this behavior has not been properly rebuked. Some fathers have not been rebuking the behavior enough for their sons, to set a righteous example and influence them correctly in a society where there is so much evil influence. There has been too much silence, tolerance and acceptance of the double standards.

For the woman who entertains men sexually, where are the men she entertained (her guests) in the afterlife, according to the Bible?

But he knoweth not that the dead are there; and that her guests are in the depths of hell.” Proverbs 9:18. KJV.

Harsh, harsh reality. Thank God for His mercy, grace, and forgiveness for those who confess their sins to Him (1 John 1: 9). We all fall short. None of us is without sin, but God’s grace is sufficient. We are called to repentance.

The mouth of strange women is a deep pit: he that is abhorred of the Lord shall fall therein.” Proverbs 22 :14 KJV.

“But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.” Proverbs 6: 32

It seems that all around the globe, people come down a lot more harshly on women for sexual indiscretion. This is not biblical. It is a contemptuous, control tactic.

It is not supported by the word of God to single out women. Women and girls have typically been programmed and tricked into being too lenient about men’s cheating.

Some were even brainwashed to believe that men could not help cheating. If men couldn’t help it, God would not command them not to practice sexual immorality. There is a difference between not being able to control oneself and not being willing to control oneself.

5) Pressuring a woman to keep up her physical appearance and physique, while downplaying the importance for a man to keep up his as well.

Sometimes, people are blaming a woman for her husband’s sexual indiscretions, because she supposedly didn’t keep herself looking good enough for him to be faithful to her.

It is very important for a woman to within reason, take care of herself physically. However, the same goes for a man. Again, the golden rule applies! Each spouse is individually responsible for their own fidelity, regardless.

6) Believing that in general it is more okay for men to sin than for women to sin. In other words, general hypocrisy.

I remember hearing people on numerous occasions talk in disdain about certain behaviors and they would add that it was bad to see it, especially when a woman did it.

Where does this line of thinking come from? The Bible doesn’t support it. This is another double standard created at some point, that lets others off more lightly, and hones in on women.

Where in the Bible do we see rebuke against sin that specifies it as being a greater sin when a woman does it? One of my favorite passages of scripture is where the Scribes and Pharisees highlighted a woman’s adultery to Jesus and brought her to him.

“They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?” 1 John 8: 4-5.

At first, Jesus stooped and wrote on the ground, going on about his business as if he did not hear them.

So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.” 1 John 8: 7-8.

Jesus did NOT respond that they had a good point, because she was worse for committing adultery as a woman, especially since she could get pregnant and because a woman has the power to say no.

On one hand, some men have presented themselves as superior to women. The contradicting idea of their “superiority” is that even though they are supposed to be superior to women, they also are “allowed” to misbehave more. Supposedly, they are better than women, but they get to act worse? This doesn’t make any sense.

These are just a few examples of the harmful behaviors, double standards, and ideologies that have been around. In some religious settings, they are still very alive and very well. Many women have upheld these beliefs.

Women have supported and helped biases, discrimination, and double standards to survive. It is important for women not to do this anymore. It is past time for people to abandon the support of ideas and behaviors that are opposing to the will of God.

Double standards in favor of women are just as wrong as double standards in favor of men.

• For example, the family court system is known to be biased in favor of women or mothers at times.

• Some falsely believe a woman has the right to decide to terminate her pregnancy against the wishes of the father of her child.

• Another example is that some girls or women act as if it’s okay to put their hands on their man in a violent way. No it is not! Just because he is stronger does not mean she gets to slap, hit, punch, or kick him or do anyting else harmful.

Whenever we hold certain belief systems and practice things that are rooted in double standards and bias, it is important to check the word of God to see how they measure up. Because these double standards and biases are not supported by the word of God, they should be rejected.

There are plenty of men out there who are not doing the unpleasant things described in this post.

The key is for women to choose those decent men who pursue them. The key is to have the correct standards in order not to continue to encourage and reinforce bad behavior of certain men.

As women, if we stick with God’s standards, we won’t be enablers of the wrong things anymore. It is not good to go along just to get along. My focus remains on women’s influence. We can either influence others to do wrong or to do right.

Doing what is right ourselves and being intolerant to the wrong of others helps to influence people correctly. Intolerance to those things that are wrong, helps influence others to do those things that are right.

The goal for any godly woman should be to influence others (including her man) righteously; not to enable wickedness, just so she can have a man, or just so she can fit in or get along.

 

Used with permission from Petrina Ferguson.

Related Blogs