Is It Worse When Women Cheat?

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This is what some people say. Is it true? This post is inspired by a recent discussion I was involved in on this topic. Based on what factors does one come to the conclusion that women are worse for cheating? A long time justification for this belief has been that when women have sex, they become attached; they catch feelings.

Men, they say, are only doing it for the sex; no love, no feelings. It is just sex. Therefore, it is worse when women cheat. Although there are exceptions on both sides, I agree that many men are admittedly simply going through the physical motions. In contrast, many women have been more prone to take the man more seriously and the sex means more to them.

Therefore, it could be said that on average, the sex is more impactful for a woman in more of a multi-dimensional way. Whereas for some men, it is simply them getting a sexual release. Does this mean that a woman is more wrong for cheating than a man is? Does the man somehow get more of a pass because he is simply getting his release with no “feelings” in it?

I don’t think so. Yet, this has been used as an excuse to downplay the severity of a man cheating on his woman by saying it’s “just sex.” There is no such thing as just sex. There is a union beyond the physical and soul ties can be made. This is in addition to the fact that it is a horrendous betrayal.

No matter how casually the man views the sex, he is tying himself to that woman in a deeper way. His intent and perception of the act doesn’t give him more of a pass for cheating. This wrong ideology is still very much in existence. Some women even agree with it.

I rightfully say that it is not worse when a woman cheats than when a man cheats.

Due to wiring, social conditioning and other factors, many men and women perceive sex differently. This does not take away from the crime of cheating. Sometimes, a man may have more to be concerned about in that his wife or his girlfriend may get hooked on the person she cheats with.

He may not get hooked on the person he cheats with. He may get hooked on the sex. This doesn’t give him a pass when it comes to how wrong it is for him to cheat. It is just as wrong for him to cheat as it is wrong for her to cheat.

It may be that he has a more shallow connection and the wife might expect that he cheats physically, but will remain with her if she will have him. Whereas, if she cheats, it is possible she may be up for leaving him, looking for not just physical fulfillment, but emotional fulfillment as well.

Just because someone doesn’t catch feelings or get attached when they cheat, it doesn’t make their act of cheating more holy than the person who catches feelings when they cheat.

So that answers the question on whether or not it is worse when a woman cheats. Or does it? We can take it back to the word of God. What does the Bible say?

“And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,

 They say unto him, ‘Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.

Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?

This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.

 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, ‘He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.” John 8: 3-8.

Jesus’s response sums it up. He didn’t go into rhetoric about her possibly catching feelings so she was worse than any of the men who had sinned in the same way. He didn’t say that she could get pregnant and they couldn’t, so she was worse or anything like that.

“The woman has the power to say no!”

“Women can get pregnant!”

“The woman’s body is sacred!”

Those are some of the excuses that I have heard when people try to present the argument that women are worse for sexual immorality in general.

• Doesn’t the man have the power to say no and can choose not to pursue a woman for sex?

• It is true a woman can become pregnant, but isn’t it the man who impregnates her?

• Yes, a woman’s body is sacred, but doesn’t the man’s body have value also? The Bible tells followers of Jesus Christ how to take care of our temples, as the temples of God, whether we are a man or a woman (1 Corinthians 3 :16 -17).

Jesus didn’t seem to be concerned with laying more blame on one side than the other. Jesus clarifies in John 8: 7 that anyone who is without sin can cast stones. No one was without sin. Naturally, they were all guilty of various sins and they left. God’s word doesn’t differentiate severity of offenses based on whether a person is male or female at all.

“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.” 1 Corinthians 6: 9-10.

Throughout history, many ladies have fallen for the double standards and have been a lot more forgiving of men’s infidelity than men (on average) have been of women’s infidelity. There are plenty men who don’t seem to ever get over it if their woman cheats. Yet, some of the same ones callously cheat on their women and act like it’s no biggie.

Some claim it means nothing when they cheat because they don’t care about the woman they are cheating with. Absolute hogwash! Whether they care or not is completely irrelevant. Thankfully, those who know and believe God’s Word get to dismiss popular opinions, men’s (and women’s) traditions, commandments of men and double standards. As always, I thank and praise God for His truth. The Word of God always sets the record straight.


Used with permission from Petrina Ferguson.

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