11 Signs Your Marriage Needs Some Counseling - Olubunmi Mabel

I can’t believe there was a time when I used to think that going for marriage counseling meant a couple’s marriage was falling apart.

I thought that counseling was like the last resort couples went for when their marriage was about to bite the dust.

Well, I was completely wrong.

Counseling can be the intervention a failing marriage needs.

However, counseling is not only indicated when a marriage is at a critical point.

Different pointers signify that a marriage needs counseling.

These issues often become major when they are not detected and addressed early.

If your marriage is experiencing any of the signs below, it might be time to call that professional marriage counselor.

1. You just went through a traumatic experience

Major and traumatic life happenings are not the respecters of anyone.

Crazy things happen to people every day, and sometimes recovering from these events is a hassle.

When life-changing events like the loss of a loved one, debt, or sickness happen, it can have a severe impact on a marriage.

And it’s not always bad things; sometimes, even good things like a new job, relocation to a different location, or even the birth of a child can rock a marriage.

Usually, when these things happen, some couples just find a way to keep living with it.

They think they’re fine but don’t know that the experience has left a residue in their marriage.

If your marriage is in a new phase or has experienced something major like grief, childbirth, relocation, and so on, you and your partner may need some counseling to help you tackle the built-up feelings.

2. Excessive arguments

This is the major reason most couples seek counseling.

Arguments in a marriage are not unusual but excessive arguments?

That’s very unhealthy.

If you and your spouse have been having a lot of friction lately, you should pay attention to it.

The arguments may range from things like conflicting opinions about something or someone, different parenting styles, habits, etc.

Or they could even be minor arguments such as doing the dishes, the side of the bed to sleep on, and whether or not the lights should be put off.

Whether big or small, arguments are arguments and can have deleterious effects on a marriage when they happen too often.

Constant little arguments are sometimes a sign of deeper issues going on within.

Maybe you just can’t seem to understand each other, or there’s a problem with how you communicate.

The best way to fish out the underlying cause and address it might be marriage counseling.

3. Poor communication

Not talking well as a couple can be a sign that you need to talk to, and listen to someone.

Communication is the life wire of every relationship.

Your marriage needs some counseling if the communication is bad.

The communication breakdown is very likely due to a problem between you two.

It’s also very likely to lead to more problems because failure to communicate leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

It also makes it difficult for people to express thoughts and feelings.

Going for counseling can be what breaks the ice and resuscitates the communication again.

4. The marriage vow was broken

Now we’re getting to the deeper stuff.

If your marriage has gone through cheating, the hurt, betrayal, and devastation can make it difficult to think of a way out.

But if both parties are willing to try to make things work again, counseling is what you need.

When one party engages in physical or emotional affairs, causing a breach of trust, the foundation of the marriage is shaken most times.

That involvement with a third party is not a little issue that time may be able to solve.

It needs to be opened and dressed like a wound to give it the opportunity to heal and the marriage the opportunity to be restored.

When people fail to properly address these issues, they continue to deal with suspicions, jealousy, and insecurities in the marriage, making it difficult for them to trust each other again.

5. You’re navigating issues with third parties

Counseling may not be your first resort for many marital issues, especially if you’re one person who is reluctant about bringing in a third party into your marriage.

But if the situation is super serious or involves other people, then you might as well bring in another party who will help make things better.

Couples have issues that are caused by in-laws, acquaintances, colleagues, friends, the opposite sex, and so on.

When these issues occur, sometimes, it may be difficult for them to resolve them on their own.

You might need the unbiased input and help of another person.

Who better to bring in than a professional who is trained and experienced in matters like this?

6. You both are growing apart

When some couples begin to see signs that they’re growing apart, they sometimes become scared that their marriage is over.

Some couples even give up completely, thinking there’s no way out.

Growing apart can be a daunting experience with both parties having diverging goals or values, feeling stuck or trapped in the relationship, or not enjoying each other’s company anymore.

If you’re experiencing this, you’d agree with me that the inevitable sequel to this is increased conflicts, especially over major life decisions.

It could also lead to avoidance: where you both begin to distance yourselves from each other and avoid important discussions.

However, this doesn’t have to be the end of your marriage.

Counseling is an option you both should explore.

7. Resentment

I saw a movie yesterday where a husband was being mean to his wife because of a hurt she had caused him years ago.

The woman did everything she could to get him to forgive her and change his attitude towards her, but he wouldn’t listen.

The woman booked a session with a marriage counselor but the man refused to go.

The marriage continued to deteriorate because of the resentment he was holding on to, until eventually, the marriage was at a critical point.

The woman had gotten to her breaking point and was ready to opt for a divorce before the man realized how much he had let resentment kill his marriage.

At that point, he pleaded that they see a counselor and try to address the issue between them.

Because of how bad things had gotten, it took more time and effort with the counselor before they could stabilize their marriage again.

Resentment can eat deep into your marriage and affect its health if you let it.

8. Intimacy issues

If your intimacy issues are nothing serious and can be fixed by communication or medical attention, then by all means, explore those options.

But in the case where there’s now a lack of intimacy, a decline in physical or emotional affection, bad or reduced sex, or sexual dissatisfaction, you might need a counselor.

Marriage counselors are trained to help couples navigate different areas of their marriages and this is one of them.

9. Money issues

Finances have a way of causing heated arguments and cold attitudes between couples if they’re not managed well or there are financial issues.

If you and your spouse keep having conflicts about money and other issues related to finance, it might be time to reach out to a counselor.

Disagreements over things like money management, investments, spending habits, or financial goals may be resolved when you both get counseling.

Sometimes, it’s just an issue of ignorance or perspective, and getting counseling may fix that.

10. Fundamental issues

Perhaps the issue between you and your spouse is a foundational one that is serious and leaving you confused.

Some married people face fundamental issues such as a perpetually cheating spouse, a spouse who abuses substances, an emotionally unstable spouse, an abusive spouse, and so on.

If these issues are lingering, they’re a serious call for counseling.

Abuse and toxicity of any sort shouldn’t be endured perpetually.

If you’re facing any of these or a verbally abusive spouse who escalates conflicts and resorts to yelling name-calling, or emotional abuse, you both need to see a counselor to know the way forward.

11. Emotional withdrawal

If your marriage is experiencing emotional withdrawal, please seek the help of a counselor.

Perhaps you don’t feel appreciated or supported by your partner, probably one or both of you are beginning to withdraw emotionally or you just feel disconnected from each other.

That sense of loneliness shouldn’t be ignored.

It’s not normal for couples to feel that way about each other.

If left unattended, these issues can escalate into more issues and before you know it, things have gotten out of hand.

That is why the moment you notice any of these signs, counseling should be among the options you’re considering.

Seeking counseling helps in so many ways, but fundamentally, it provides a safe space for couples to address the issues plaguing them, talk to someone with a fresh perspective, and work towards a healthier marriage.