14 Questions Pastors should Avoid if they Fear Vulnerability - Charles Stone
Some time back I read an incredible book – Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Dr. Brene Brown. I highly recommend it. Her TED talk on this subject has garnered over 30,000,000 views. She strikes a chord for leaders about risking vulnerability. As a pastor vulnerability is scary and carries risks with which we must practice care when being vulnerable. As risky as it is, Dr. Brown says it’s a key to what she calls wholehearted living, what I’d called a Spirit-filled life. She says we live in a culture of scarcity and poses 14 questions in her book (p. 27) in three categories that caused me to reflect deeply about my family, my ministry, and my world. I’ve quoted some here and paraphrased others.
14 really scary questions about vulnerability…
As you read them, what is God saying to you about your family, your life, and your ministry?
SHAME
- Is my self worth tied to achievement, productivity, or compliance?
- Do I use the threat of belittling or ridicule to keep people in line?
- Are put-downs and name-calling rampant?
- Are blaming and finger pointing norms?
- Am I guilty of favoritism?
- Am I a perfectionist?
COMPARISON
- Has my creativity been suffocated?
- Do I constantly compare and rank myself against others?
- Are people in my family or church held to one narrow standard rather than acknowledged for their unique gifts and contributions?
- Is there an ideal way of being or one form of talent that is used to measure everyone else’s worth?
DISENGAGEMENT
- Is everyone struggling to be seen and heard?
- Are people afraid to take risks or try new things?
- Does it feel as if no one is really paying attention or listening?
- Is it easier to stay quiet than share stories, experiences, and ideas?
As you read these, what question really resonated with you?
What question would you add to this list?
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