Not Chosen: Trusting God's Yes When Others Say No
“You are not chosen”. How many times have you heard that short, painful statement?
The number of situations, opportunities, teams, or people who decided not to choose me is endless. Ironically, this article was initially not chosen for a writing competition.
The feeling of being preferred that comes with being chosen, particularly when picked first, is deeply satisfying and affirming — someone recognizes us as special.
However, being chosen, especially first, is a rare occurrence for most of us.
Not Chosen
For years, I longed to be seen and heard, but often I was not chosen, which stirred up insecurity and made me question my value.
The instances of you are not chosen, “no, not you,” started to pile up, threatening to define who I was.
My daughter refers to it as a “pick me” disposition; someone with an overwhelming desire for validation.
I don’t think I was a ‘pick me’ on the outside, at least I hope not, but on the inside, I screamed, ‘Pick me!’
Not Chosen.
In middle school, I was convinced that the director of the school play would cast me in a lead role; instead, I ended up in the ensemble with everyone else.
He said, “No, not chosen, this time,” but I heard you are not talented.
Not Chosen.
In high school, when I called my mom for a ride and heard that annoying busy signal, I knew she hadn’t noticed the rainstorm that would leave me stranded at school alone.
Her forgetfulness made me feel she did not choose me and that something else was more important than I was. I thought I wasn’t valuable enough.
Not Chosen.
In college, my boyfriend unexpectedly ended our relationship, leaving my dreams of a wedding and a family in a puddle of tears.
When he didn’t choose me, I thought I was not lovable enough.
Not Being Chosen Undermines Confidence
We all have stories of not being chosen, not being the favorite, or being left behind—whether for a leading role in a school play, a relationship, or something else.
Unfortunately, rejection is a common stop on everyone’s journey, undermining our confidence and courage.
Often, we hide our pain and insecurities behind a mask of “I’m okay,” even when we feel invisible, especially after a disappointment that leaves a scar.
At times, feelings of unworthiness surface, but more often, we push them down and keep them hidden.
For some reason, it’s easy to fixate on the people who don’t choose us and the moments when we feel invisible.
If we’re not careful, that focus holds us back—we begin to fear trying new things, shrinking our potential because staying in our comfort zone is easier than risking rejection.
Doing nothing seems safer and less painful than being told “no, you are not chosen.” It’s natural to want to be loved, valued, and seen by others, but that desire shouldn’t drive us.
I wore a mask of confidence for years, until I met Jesus.
The deep ache of not being chosen began to fade when I realized He had already chosen me.
There is great freedom and comfort in knowing that God chooses us and says, ‘Yes, you are worthy!’
The prophet Isaiah wrote about the privilege of being chosen and the strength found in God.
“I have called you back from the ends of the earth, saying, ‘You are my servant.’ For I have chosen you and will not abandon you. Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”
Isaiah 41:9-10 NLT
The apostle Paul taught on how being united in Christ and chosen by God impacts our calling.
“Because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan.”
Ephesians 1:11 NLT
And Jesus tells us that He chose us and appointed us to produce fruit.
“You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name.”
John 15:16 NLT
3 Benefits of Not Being Chosen
Knowing God chooses us helps us overcome rejection, but it can take a minute to work through our feelings.
Once we get over the sting of not being chosen, we learn about ourselves, God, and others.
In our faith journey, there are many benefits of not being chosen. Here are three benefits of trusting God’s ‘yes’ when others say ‘no’.
- We grow in humility. With the encouragement of prayer, God’s Word, and good friends, we surrender and overcome the insecurity that often accompanies rejection, and walk boldly into His promises, whether others choose us or not.
- We pivot in another direction, which could turn out better. We focus on where our unique talents, passions, and abilities make an impact, and lean into those relationships that strengthen and support us.
- We learn to trust that God is in control. Discouragement after not being chosen is natural, but we don’t have to stay there; rejection does not have to define us. Our reliance on God grows when we seek Him for validation after the heartbreak of not being chosen. And that pain softens our hearts toward others who may also feel unseen.
With God’s help, after not being chosen, we will grow stronger in our faith and recapture our joy.
It is wonderful to be chosen for something, but it doesn’t have to be our primary motivation.
When others say no, which they will, we know that God always says yes.
Author
Mary Rooney Armand
Mary is the creator and writer for the faith-based blog ButterflyLiving.org. Her writing is featured on multiple websites, and she is the author of Uniquely Made: Understanding and Embracing Your Identity in Christ, as well as the collaboration Life Changing Stories, both available on Amazon. Get to know Mary and the other authors of ButterflyLiving on YouTube.
