15 Eye Opening Signs You Are An Insecure Wife - Olubunmi Mabel
In some climes, some people believe marriage gives a person security, and many view it as prestigious.
While marriage is an honorable institution, it doesn’t fix personal and character flaws a person may have.
In fact, I have noticed that marriage has a way of amplifying them.
If you still have unhealed trauma and self-esteem issues, being married may expose it all.
Take this from someone who has been there and done that.
My biggest lesson is how much healing a woman needs to undergo before she walks down the aisle.
That being said, let’s look into the topic, “Signs you are an insecure wife.”
I promise you they are eye-opening!
15 Eye-Opening Signs You Are An Insecure Wife
1. You have issues with other relationships
I have met people who declare that they are married like it is a PhD degree.
While marriage is undoubtedly an honorable institution, those who claim to have their husbands as their one and only friends may be suffering from a chronic case of low self-esteem.
The “my husband is my bestie” talk is only okay if you have working relationships with other people.
Some women get married and cut everyone else off.
In fact, some claim that everyone else has issues with them, and they point fingers at others, forgetting that the rest point to them.
If you have troublesome relationships with the other people in your life, and you think they are the ones at fault, you may be dealing with insecurity.
2. You are over-dependent
This leads me to point two.
Some women are comfortable being overly dependent on their husbands.
It is a big flex for them to be “Oga’s wife or Emi Oga” (rich, spoiled, and dependent on their husbands), as my Nigerian brethren like to call it.
One of the issues with this is how unambitious many of them are.
They go through life wanting many things but would rather depend on their husbands for them because, underneath it all, they are insecure.
3. You are too critical
I have met critical people, and one thing I can say for free is that they are a big pain in the butt!
If as a wife you are constantly finding fault with your husband or putting him down, the issue may be with you after all.
Similarly, if your preoccupation is comparing your husband to people you see on social media and the husbands of your friends, you may be doing this because you are an insecure wife.
4. You are usually jealous
A little jealousy is needed in every relationship, but when it becomes too much, it may indicate deep-seated insecurity issues.
From scanning through and editing every one of your husband’s friendships and relationships to becoming paranoid when he makes decisions without your full involvement, the underlying issue in this may be insecurity.
Insecurity also manifests in another unique way: jealousy of your husband’s achievements and feeling like an underachiever because he is doing so well.
This aspect is hardly discussed, but I used to be in this shoe.
I was a stay-at-home mom and wife who desired a career but had difficulty getting a job.
Plus, tending to my one child at the time was a lot.
I started feeling very jealous of my husband because he was the picture of perfect, and I couldn’t find value in myself.
It also didn’t help that I had to answer probing and intrusive questions about my employment status from family and friends while they talked with glowing pride about my husband’s career.
It only fueled my jealousy the more.
No compliment he paid me ever made me feel worthy until I exposed myself to more knowledge and mentoring.
In the process, I got to identify that I was an insecure wife!
I began the journey to healing my sense of self and recalibrating that subconscious voice that said I was worthless for being a stay-at-home wife!
I found a new zest for life and more love in my heart for my husband.
From the jealous wife, I became the confident and audacious woman who refused to be defined by societal norms and knew her worth.
It made me love my roles as a wife and mother and attend to them wholeheartedly, knowing the value I bring to my family and society at large.
I became a self-aware woman, and I bade insecurity goodbye forever.
This can be you too, I promise.
5. You constantly look through his phone
Trust is one of the foundations of every relationship.
An insecure woman would always play Sherlock Holmes, investigating and snooping around her husband’s phone all the time.
For a long time, there have been talks on social media about whether couples should snoop on each other’s phones.
Well, I am of the opinion that full disclosure is necessary.
This means that I have access to my husband’s phone, and he has access to mine, and we don’t keep secrets from each other.
However, insecure women won’t believe or trust the integrity of their men o.
In fact, I have heard of people cloning their husband’s WhatsApp to monitor him.
The truth is that this insecurity stems from unhealed past experiences or overdosing on tragic marriage tales online.
Just like when you watch crime movies too much, you may become too self-conscious and almost paranoid because the information has awakened a new reality in you.
It is the same thing with those who constantly listen to people who share “men are scum” or “men will stain your white” tales.
In no time, you’ll start doubting the good thing you have going.
6. You avoid certain conversations
Some people say, “I don’t like confrontations,” and they are sure it is healthy.
While it is good to be a peacemaker, in the context of marriage, an insecure wife avoids talking about important or sensitive matters.
In fact, she runs away from such conversations because she is afraid of the outcome or of hurting you in the process.
One of such are women who refuse to talk about their husbands’ philandering because they are afraid of the truth.
Another set are those who take just about anything from their husbands and don’t enforce boundaries in their relationships.
Some women even refuse to discuss financial issues because they fear their partner’s response.
All these point to an insecurity.
7. You are too quick to say sorry
Sorry is such a powerful world that opens the door to forgiveness in relationships.
It is often said that the person who apologizes the most is the most mature, but this isn’t always true.
Some people are quick to apologize just to sweep things under the carpet.
Similarly, they are quick to apologize because they are people pleasers and always want to be in your good books.
In the context of our conversation, these women are very quick to apologize because they are very insecure.
8. You are too needy
A hug is cute until you begin to choke from it.
An insecure wife will always have needs and pile up demands on her husband.
Because she has placed her husband on a pedestal, she will need him to meet her standards.
News flash!
He can’t.
This will only cause more issues, as he seems to be the villain and the defaulting spouse.
The problem isn’t the husband but his insecure wife.
9. You are manipulative
Like the previous point, an insecure wife is skilled in “manipulative science.”
She is always right and ever ready to play the victim.
Where tears don’t work, she goes full blast with words like arrows and pierces her husband to cut him down to size or make him do her bidding.
Yep, she’s an insecure wife.
10. You give all for him
Sacrifice is an applaudable ingredient in a marital relationship.
While it looks like the spouse sacrificing is so loving, it may be a façade.
When a wife doesn’t find much value in herself or believes in herself, she may over-sacrifice for her husband.
She’ll put on the superhero mask, but deep down within, she is very insecure.
So, check your motives for giving it all for him.
Is it sponsored by low self-esteem and insecurity?
11. You are too controlling
This is the most unlikely sign, but a woman who is too controlling may be like that because she is insecure.
When a wife makes herself the alpha and omega of her husband’s life and is all up in his business controlling things and sometimes throwing tantrums when things don’t go her way, that there is an insecure wife.
Another litmus test for this is that in your relationship, your husband is always the one who compromises; it is usually all or nothing for you.
12. You are too sensitive
Making unnecessary assumptions is one sure way of looking foolish, but insecure wives will always take this pathway.
They are usually defensive and hard to correct.
This is so because they are too afraid to face the truth.
These kinds of women are very sensitive, and everything has the ability to hurt their feelings.
You may be insecure if you are a woman who ‘bruises too easily’ (gets offended or emotionally hurt).
13. You constantly compare your husband to other men
Insecure wives have mastered the comparison game and will always compare their husbands to other men.
Ironically, they hate being compared to other women or wives but won’t let the man breathe.
The truth is that insecure women are always giving to others what they can’t take.
14. You are always discontent
An insecure wife will hardly be content with what she has.
As far as she is concerned, the grass is greener on the other side.
I read an Instagram post where the wife complained about being married to a man who seemed too good for her.
She wanted someone who was very social and wild instead and was considering divorcing her husband for this reason.
Unbelievable, right?
Isn’t this one of the reasons good girls love to marry bad boys, too?
It all boils down to insecurity.
An insecure wife will never be content with her husband or relationship.
15. You are afraid
An insecure wife constantly fears what others think about her.
Some fear losing their spouse, so they are too forceful in their relationships.
Some are emotionally detached from their relationships and put up a tough exterior to secure themselves from the heartbreak they fear will happen.
It is a fact that insecure wives can’t give much to their relationships because of fear.
Some insecure wives may even display this fear through their constant desire for affirmation and reassurance.
Yes, affirmations are a love language, but an insecure wife can never have enough of them.
I remember a time in my marriage when I always asked my husband if he loved me and why he loved me.
I’m sure he thought it was a cute question initially.
In time, he started to get uneasy about it because it felt like he always had to return to square one to reassure me again.
The root of this was insecurity.
I didn’t love myself or think I deserved to be loved, so I was afraid that he felt the way I felt about myself.
You should know that fear will hold you back from loving or receiving your husband’s love.
For insecurity, the root cause of it should be exposed and addressed.
If needed, the woman can engage a professional therapist and embark on her healing journey because insecurity is a killjoy and a killer of healthy relationships.
