8 Reasons Husbands Withdraw Emotionally From Their Wives - Olubunmi Mabel

Whether it is temporary or occurs for a prolonged period, emotional withdrawal from a partner in a relationship may significantly affect the relationship.

If nothing, it leaves the partner at the receiving end, feeling very insecure and confused.

While emotional withdrawal in a relationship is, by no means, a male thing, in this article, we will be considering why husbands withdraw emotionally from their wives.

Come along as we attempt to understand the reasons husbands withdraw emotionally from their wives.

And I must warn you, some of them are unpleasant.

1. They don’t want to be vulnerable

The fact is that society has always stereotyped men to be strong, tough, emotionless, and silent.

Because of this stereotype, men have been under intense pressure to live up to society’s unrealistic expectations.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that men are not strong and tough, but no one should have to be strong and tough all the time.

All that posturing and pretending to be tough when all you want to do is to sink into the arm of someone who loves you and cry your heart out?

It takes a toll on the man.

It takes a toll on his relationships because he tends to withdraw from the people who love him instead of allowing himself to be vulnerable.

One major reason husbands withdraw emotionally from their wives is that they want to protect their image of being tough by hiding their emotions.

Instead of risking vulnerability, many husbands would rather shut down and keep everything locked in.

It just feels safer that way.

However, the problem is that emotional withdrawal affects wives negatively.

When husbands don’t share and talk about their emotions, wives usually feel like they are somehow at fault.

They may even think they have done something wrong to their husbands.

Not only are they confused, but they also feel alone in the relationship, and it shouldn’t be so.

No one should feel alone in this world.

The streets are cold, and you need the warmth of loved ones to get through life.

But what do you do when your husband freezes you out?

Try to encourage him to talk to you by listening to him without judgment the few times he shares something with you.

That could serve as encouragement for him to share more.

2. They want to avoid conflict

“I had to let peace reign”…

I can’t count the number of times I have heard this phrase from my friends when they talk about issues with their girlfriends.

It may seem very noble on the surface, but deep down, it is just another attempt to mask a fear of conflict.

I have always said that a little conflict is beneficial for any relationship.

Regardless of how in love you are with your wife, you can’t always agree on matters.

However, many men have this unhealthy notion that the best way to ensure that peace reigns in their marriage is by stifling their emotions and saying nothing when they have a different opinion.

If this continues for a long time, it gets to a point that creates a rift in the relationship.

The silence that was supposed to foster peace usually drives a wedge between couples.

If your husband has been avoiding arguments and conflicts in the family by “letting peace reign,” it could be the reason for his emotional withdrawal.

Husbands need to be constantly reminded that disagreements in a relationship are not necessarily harmful to the relationship if they are resolved rightly.

Couples should always talk about disagreements constructively, allowing everyone to express themselves fully.

3. They are stressed

I am not going to say that men bear the most burden in the family because, in recent times, more and more women are taking care of responsibilities that used to be solely for men.

However, being a man and a husband is not a light responsibility.

With the constant rat race of work, money problems, and more work, most men are under intense pressure. Add the pressure from society, and it becomes an unbearable burden.

Dealing with work fatigue and trying to provide for the family while facing another day/ week at work can be very draining for men.

Doing all these takes up much time and energy, leaving them with little time to be emotionally engaged in their relationships.

Growing up, the model of marriage I saw around me involved husbands going to work in the morning, coming back in the evening to eat, and falling asleep in front of the TV.

There was almost no time that I saw husbands return from work to talk and emotionally connect with their wives.

This could be another reason husbands emotionally withdraw from their wives.

What to do about it?

Try to be as nonjudgmental as possible and tell him you are always there if he wants to talk.

Dear men, you have responsibilities, but you don’t have to carry the whole world’s burden.

Learn to loosen up.

Spend more time connecting with your wives, and you will realize that the burden has been lightened.

Your wives can help with whatever is stressing you.

That’s why you are partners.

4. Communication is terrible

Intimacy doesn’t just occur.

It is a result of constant communication and attention.

When couples stop communicating effectively, there is a breakdown in the relationship.

But the first thing that occurs is you will notice that there is this distance between you and your partner.

When you don’t constantly communicate, you will be so rusty at it that whenever you try to communicate, it all sounds forced.

Perhaps, in the earlier days of the marriage, you and your husband used to talk about everything and anything.

Sometimes, it’s small talk; at other times, it’s serious conversations about how you feel.

Just like practice makes perfect, talking to your partner more helps you communicate better and fosters emotional connection.

Where there is emotional withdrawal, you may need to examine your communication and make necessary improvements.

Try to communicate more effectively… Less yelling and more discussion.

Less nagging and more encouragement.

Less judgment and more understanding.

Applying all of these consistently will show a marked difference in your husband’s behavior.

5. He is still carrying past emotional baggage

When anyone experiences bad events in past relationships, they leave a scar on them.

The scar could be evident because it totally changes how they react in situations that remind them of what happened.

Sometimes, husbands withdraw emotionally from their wives because of past heartbreaks.

They try to build a wall around themselves to protect themselves from being hurt.

Your husband may be like this.

He occasionally pops out from behind the wall and connects with you.

Then, he goes to hide behind that wall once again.

This happens whenever he feels like he is especially at risk of being vulnerable.

In this case, his emotional withdrawal has nothing to do with you, but it still affects you anyway.

The best way to handle this is to help your husband see the need to seek professional help.

He needs to come to terms with what has happened in the past to move forward and to do that; he may need professional help.

6. He is angry at you

Husbands can withdraw emotionally from their wives if they continually do things that make them angry.

People have different ways of reacting to their anger.

Some people have no problem expressing their anger.

Others are very good at hiding their anger.

Some people may call this “self-control,” but it is not a good way to control one’s temper.

Remember when I mentioned “letting peace reign”?

This is quite related.

Suppressing your anger because you don’t want conflicts usually ends up in you holding grudges.

You keep on deceiving yourself that you are cool with your wife, but gradually, you begin to withdraw emotionally from her because you are still simmering with anger.

When you keep your anger hidden, it festers into something even worse.

I used to be this way with a particular friend of mine.

I would never express my anger at her even though she was very annoying.

At some point, I realized that we were drifting apart.

She had become more of a stranger, but that didn’t stop her from being annoying.

The day I expressed my anger at something she did was the day we finally got our friendship back on track.

She was shocked that I had felt that way all this while and apologized.

Husbands, your wife doesn’t know you are angry at her.

She is not telepathic.

You need to learn how to express yourself.

7. He is cheating on you

This is one of the worst-case scenarios we will be considering in this article.

I hate to break this news to you, but if your husband withdraws emotionally from you, it may be a sign that he is channeling all that emotion to another woman.

In relationships, partners are meant to build emotional intimacy by constant effective communication and spending quality time together.

If your husband is not doing any of these with you, then what is he doing during his leisure?

Does he travel frequently, especially on the weekends, for business?

Does he clam up whenever you ask him where he is going?

Does he seem to be increasingly guarded with his phone and even take it to the shower?

If the answer to these questions is yes… then you may have an infidelity issue on your hands.

Throw in the emotional withdrawal, and the chances that your husband is cheating on you increase.

If you suspect this, you can’t act on it until you have solid proof.

Get solid proof, and then you can decide what you want to do.

For me, infidelity is a deal breaker in any relationship, but we actually have examples of married couples who came back stronger after going through infidelity.

The choice is yours.

8. He doesn’t love you anymore

This is perhaps the most unpleasant reason in this article.

Cheating is a betrayal of trust.

However, some people still hold that you can love someone and still cheat on them.

The realization that someone you love more than anything doesn’t love you anymore is a rude shocker.

To prove me right, I know your mind is immediately rebelling against the possibility.

If your husband withdraws emotionally from you, you may need to consider this reason, especially if he seems to be unbothered by anything happening in your life.

He no longer attempts to talk to you.

He treats you quite indifferently, and when he pretends to care, you can tell it is forced.

When you come up with ideas to spend quality time together, he either cancels at the last minute or subjects himself to the experience with an air of long-suffering.

When your marriage begins to give off this forced vibe, it may be a sign that love is missing from the equation.

With the absence of love, things that used to be fun now feel like a chore, especially for your husband.

In this situation, you need to discuss with him about his feelings.

Encourage him to be honest with you.

If he has fallen out of love, he should tell you.

Life is too short to be spent in a loveless marriage.