8 Signs Your Husband Feels Unworthy Of You - Olubunmi Mabel
During one of my recent trips, I watched the movie Crazy Rich Asians on the flight to my destination, and I loved it.
I’m not here to talk about the storyline, but one thing I like about the girl in the movie is that she didn’t cower in fear or suddenly begin to feel unworthy of her man’s love when she discovered that his family was crazily rich.
Many people would have subconsciously done that.
You know that feeling where it’s like you won the lottery with the person you’re dating or married to?
That feeling of gratitude, immense pride, and elation that your partner is one of the most amazing people on earth, and you don’t even know what you did to deserve them?
It’s a beautiful feeling, and it’s healthy too.
You know what’s not healthy?
When it becomes excessive.
When one person in the relationship or marriage honors the other so much that they feel unworthy to be with them.
Crazy, but it happens.
It could be due to the other party’s personality, family background, status, career, etc., or the feeler’s insecurities.
Healthy relationships are built on love, respect, friendship, and equality, but sometimes, feelings of self-doubt can creep in, even in men.
When a husband feels unworthy of his wife, it’s often because he perceives her as “too good” for him, feeling he falls short in areas that matter.
These insecurities might be subtle, but if you look closely, you’ll notice them in his words, actions, and behavior.
1. He’s always scared that you’ll leave
Does your husband act as though he’s afraid that you will leave his life?
That could be insecurity speaking.
Perhaps he asks you one too many times if you are happy with him, or he’s overly jealous when he sees you with another man even when it’s harmless, or he even expresses doubts about you sticking with him for life.
These are signs of self-doubt; he’s afraid he’s not enough for you.
His fear of you leaving him can also manifest as him doing his best to change for you.
He doesn’t feel worthy of you, so he tries to morph into the partner he thinks you deserve so that you don’t leave.
He might adopt your hobbies, opinions, or preferences, hoping it’ll bring him “up to your level.”
Another way he might show his fear is by hiding his struggles from you because he doesn’t want to appear “weak” or “less worthy.”
There are different things he can do, but they all point to one thing—he’s afraid you might leave him because he doesn’t measure up.
2. He’s always concerned about your friend’s opinions of him
When a man constantly compares himself with other men (perhaps your exes) and obsesses over what your friends and family think of him, you just know that such a man is insecure.
He feels unworthy, so he’s always worried that they’re silently judging him, thinking you deserve someone better.
He might try extra hard to impress them, fearing they’ll think he’s not good enough for you.
This constant need for their approval stems from his insecurities, and honestly, it can be exhausting to deal with.
It will be exhausting for you and even for him because it’ll only deepen his sense of unworthiness.
3. He’s ashamed of being with you in public
If your partner doesn’t want to be seen with you in public, it’s one of two things: They’re either ashamed of you or don’t feel worthy of being seen with you.
You know that in your case, he feels too small to be seen around by how he behaves.
If your husband constantly puts you on a pedestal with excessive praise but struggles to hang out with you in public places, it might indicate that he feels inadequate.
I’ve seen a real-life example of this.
I have a distant family member whose husband told me that in the 20 years he’s been married to her, he’s never been to her workplace.
When I asked him why, he gave some flimsy reasons, but knowing their family dynamics and how he feels about her, I knew exactly why.
His job is menial, and he never dresses well while his wife works for a big organization.
He doesn’t feel like he measures up, so he never goes to her office, even when it’s important.
This is probably because he fears that her colleagues and other people might look down on him.
4. He seems sensitive to criticism
“Be careful of the “Spirit of Offense.” It hears things that were never said.
It perceives an insult when none was given.”
I read this somewhere some time ago, and it made a lot of sense to me.
It’s very similar when someone has a hidden feeling of insecurity.
They become extra sensitive and can react strongly to even the gentlest of criticisms.
You tell him to flush the toilet better after he does his business there, and he flares up, accusing you of saying he doesn’t know how to get anything done.
If your husband does this, it might be because he already feels like he’s “failing” and doesn’t want to be reminded of it.
Criticism can hit especially hard when he’s already doubting his worth.
This is why some men’s reactions to their wives are overly defensive.
Because to them, the comments are a painful reminder of their perceived inadequacy, even though it wasn’t intended that way.
5. He avoids talking about his achievements
If your husband shies away from sharing his successes or accomplishments, it could be a sign he feels they don’t measure up to yours.
Rather than proudly sharing his day-to-day wins, he might downplay them or brush them off as “no big deal.”
He can be successful in his own right as a high school teacher, but whenever you praise him, he shrugs it off, feeling like your accomplishments outshine his.
He rarely acknowledges his milestones or achievements and doesn’t even mention them to you sometimes.
Because he feels they’re not worthy of celebration and haven’t done enough to earn recognition.
This avoidance is often rooted in his feeling that his achievements aren’t good enough compared to yours.
So, he downplays himself.
6. He trivializes your achievements
While sometimes the insecurity may manifest as the man downplaying himself, it could also manifest as him downplaying his wife’s achievements.
If he sometimes minimizes your accomplishments, it’s likely not out of jealousy but rather a fear that he’s falling behind.
It could be jealousy sometimes, though, depending on the situation.
Downplaying your success is his way of preserving his sense of worth, even if it feels hurtful.
So, for instance, you share your recent promotion with your husband, and he reacts with a neutral “Oh, that’s nice,” it may not be disinterest but rather discomfort.
That lukewarm response you got is a reflection of his fear of being overshadowed.
7. He keeps trying to prove that he’s good enough
Overcompensation is one way you know that someone is insecure.
When a man feels unworthy, he might go overboard trying to prove himself through actions or material things.
Sudden bursts of affection, while wonderful, can sometimes signal insecurity.
He may be trying to secure your love by showering you with more attention than usual.
He wants to deserve you so badly that he buys you gifts or takes on projects he thinks will impress you.
Some men work long hours just to afford lavish presents for their wives, and that’s not a bad thing.
Every woman wants to be a spoiled wife.
But it’s not cute when he does it, hoping these gestures will make him worthy when it’s from a constant need to prove himself because an inner voice tells him he needs to keep earning your love.
8. He always tells you how lucky he is to have you
“I’m so lucky to be married to you; you’re such a gift to my life.”
This is an absolutely beautiful thing for your husband to say.
Until he says it all the time.
If he’s constantly (emphasis on constantly) saying how lucky he is, that might be because that’s how he truly feels – not just lucky but unworthy.
Rather than seeing your relationship as mutual, he believes he’s somehow undeserving of your love like he’s privileged to be married to you.
And as I’ve already overemphasized in this article, it’s lovely for your husband to feel that way about you as long as it’s still within the boundaries of healthy respect and not feeling inadequate.
When it gets to the point where he says things like, “I’m so lucky to have you; you’re a prize I don’t quite deserve,” that’s weird, and it should be looked into closely.
When a husband feels unworthy, it’s not because he doesn’t love his wife.
In fact, it’s usually because he loves her so much that he fears he’ll fall short of her expectations.
These signs may stem from insecurities or self-doubt, but they can be addressed by both of you through understanding, support, and reassurance.
You can convert his hyper excitement about you to a healthy mutual love and respect, which ultimately births a more beautiful marriage.
