8 Signs You’re Married To A Man Who Detests You - Olubunmi Mabel

This is my worst nightmare, and I hope nobody ever experiences it.

Unfortunately, life is not always ideal, and there are times when people fall in love or marry people they detest.

If you live on the ideal side of life, you might wonder why this is the case. 

Well, there is really no one explanation for why people do this; if there’s one thing to know about humans, it’s that we are complex. 

For some reason or the other, a man might decide to stay married to a woman he detests, and if the woman doesn’t know what to look out for, she’d just be subjected to a life of misery. 

So, how do you know if you’re married to a man who detests you?

Keep reading.

1. He Avoids Spending Time With You

One thing that’s consistent worldwide about anybody who loves you is that they enjoy spending time with you. 

Before I started dating my now husband, we were church friends and were platonic for a while. 

However, I suspected he had feelings for me.

How did I suspect, you might ask?

Well, because he always wanted to spend time with me. 

He worked a busy job – 9 to 5, six days a week, but he still made time to see me after work. 

Before we were official, we met occasionally, but after we were official, it was every other day.

That was how I knew how much I meant to him. 

So, where am I going with this?

The converse is true if a man detests you; spending time with him will feel more like a chore than a joy. 

You will notice that he might make endless excuses to stay away. He may work late or engage in hobbies that keep him out of the house. 

While other men are glad to spend their weekends at home, he will constantly seek reasons to go out or engage in solo activities. 

Men who love their wives don’t do that. 

If a man consistently avoids shared activities or doesn’t even try to make time for you, it’s a red flag. 

There is a high chance he doesn’t care about you.

2. He Is Excessively Critical Of Everything You Do

It is impossible to live with someone and not see something to criticize about them because they are not perfect. 

However, when people love each other, they tolerate some of each other’s actions because they know that criticizing everything will damage the home. 

So, when your husband nitpicks every little thing you do, from how you cook, dress, and work to how you use the light or do laundry, there is a high chance he detests you. 

Remember that the operative word here is EVERYTHING. 

Constructive criticism is expected in a marriage, and it often comes from a place of care.

On the other hand, constant destructive criticism is an attack on your worth. 

If he rarely acknowledges your efforts but is quick to point out flaws, it may reflect deep-seated resentment. 

A healthy relationship should lift you up, not tear you down.

3. He Devalues You

When your husband dismisses everything you say or fails to engage in meaningful conversations with you, it’s a clear sign of detachment. 

A loving partner values your input and wants to understand your emotions. 

Again, one of the things that endeared my husband to me before we got married was his asking for my opinion on major decisions in his life—even when we were just friends. 

That was the defining factor for me because I had another suitor besides him. 

So, a man constantly dismissing you and your opinion is not normal. 

He likely detests you if he always changes the subject, interrupts you, or gives you the cold shoulder when you speak.

Marriage is a partnership where mutual respect and communication matter.

If you don’t have that in yours, there is a big issue. 

4. He Withholds Affection And Intimacy

No marriage can survive without love – which is why this article exists in the first place. 

But while not everybody is expressive when it comes to affection, there are still certain ways they show it that make it clear that they love you. 

If your husband comes from a repressive culture or has a personality that is not expressive, watch out for his actions. 

Does he spend time with you?

Does he value your opinion and thoughts?

Does he prioritize your marriage?

Does he try to make sure you are happy?

If yes, then you might not worry much about affection in the sense of kisses and hugs. 

Of course, if you need those things, please communicate them and gently guide him into them. 

But I’m saying it is not a sign that he detests you. 

But if he doesn’t give any affection and still doesn’t show in other ways that he loves you, something is really wrong. 

Particularly, if he is still not interested in sex with you, you have likely reached a deep level of resentment. 

Most men are quite physical, and that’s one thing you cannot take from them. 

So, a man refusing physical intimacy very likely resents his wife. 

5. He Disrespects You Publicly And Privately

I say this all the time: if a man doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t love you. 

Some people might disagree with me, but I would gladly stand alone if I had to with this opinion. 

Respect is a big part of love; trust me, it just oozes out; you don’t even have to force it. 

That’s why it speaks volumes when absent in a relationship. 

If your husband mocks you, dismisses your opinions, or talks down to you, it’s a sign of underlying contempt. 

It honestly doesn’t matter whether it is private or public. 

But if he does it publicly, too, it is hard to recover from that – that man really resents you. 

One who still pretends to care publicly might be redeemable, and maybe there is a chance with him. 

However, one who doesn’t mind embarrassing you in front of others has reached the peak of resentment – if there’s anything like that.

6. He Frequently Picks Fights Or Creates Unnecessary Conflict

Arguments are normal in a relationship because you won’t always see eye to eye. 

But it is not normal when it is trivial, unnecessary, and constant. 

A man who loves you will want you guys to be in peace at all times; men hate tension with the women they love. 

However, if your husband seems to be looking for reasons to argue, especially over the most trivial matters, he is basically just using the conflicts as an outlet to express his unspoken frustrations or to push you away. 

7. He Shows Resentment Towards Your Achievements Or Happiness

A loving husband celebrates your successes and takes pride in your happiness. 

He will tell people about your success and proudly flaunt it everywhere he goes. 

A man who resents you, on the other hand, will react with jealousy, anger, or indifference when you achieve something. 

This could be due to his own insecurities, but it could also be out of deep-seated disdain for you. 

Since he detests you, of course, he doesn’t want you to be happy. 

Therefore, he will feel threatened by your growth or happiness.

8. He Excludes You From Major Decisions Or Aspects Of His Life

People in good marriages see themselves as a team, so they involve each other in major aspects of their lives. 

So, if your husband makes significant decisions without consulting you, it is likely because he doesn’t see you as an extension of him. 

If he is making financial choices, career moves, or social plans and excluding you, it shows he doesn’t value your input. 

And chances are it’s because he detests you.