8 Things Every Woman Wants From Her Husband But Doesn't Get - Olubunmi Mabel
If you are yet to be married, this might seem far-fetched, but sometimes, a married woman wants things from her husband but doesn’t get it.
As sad as this sounds, it’s a possibility in a marriage and is not often due to an uncaring husband.
In some cases, the husband may not know he is not meeting his wife’s needs.
He may be doing everything he thinks is correct but not meeting her expectations, and that’s why I’m writing this article.
At the end of this article, every husband should know the possible things every woman wants from her husband but doesn’t get.
8 Major Things Every Woman Wants From Her Husband But Doesn’t Get
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Love
I know what you’re thinking or likely thinking. “How is it possible that a woman doesn’t get love from her husband if he does love her?”
You’d probably understand if the case were that the husband doesn’t love her, but when he does, surely, it is unlikely that she’s not getting that.
This is true to some extent, but someone can feel unloved by a partner who loves them when the person is not speaking their love language.
Meanwhile, if you have not read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, you have to convince me that you haven’t been living under a rock.
As you well know, language is for communication.
Communication is futile if the speaker and the hearer do not speak the same language.
For instance, you are only reading this because you understand English.
If you didn’t, you wouldn’t bother, no matter how valuable this is to you.
In the same way, if a husband speaks a different love language from his wife, she will likely not understand what he’s trying to communicate and not feel loved by him.
Many a time, what’s obtainable is that men love women the way they want to be loved or how they perceive women want to be loved.
One good example is a man showering his wife with gifts when she only wants to spend time with him.
As far as he’s concerned, women love gifts, so that’s all they need.
The problem is that women are different; she might appreciate your effort with the gifts, but communicating your love is futile because that’s not how she wants to be loved.
So, your best bet is to find out her love language by speaking to her about it or observing what she complains about and making adjustments.
If she complains that she doesn’t feel appreciated, it means she loves words of affirmation; affirm, appreciate, and compliment her more.
If she tells you you are never home, she loves quality time.
If she’s asking for help around the house, she loves acts of service, and so on.
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Desire
If you think you’ve aced the “desire” aspect because you initiate sex more, you couldn’t be more wrong.
Many women may not initiate sex as often as their husbands because of societal construct that permits men to be sexually liberal and women, conservative.
So, a woman might not often explore that area because she is shy.
This is why sex is not a test of how much you desire her. She may see it as you simply satisfying your biological needs, and you are using her for that because she is available.
Therefore, showing a woman you desire her takes more intentionality.
You need to woo and date her like you did before you got married.
Sure, life has gotten busier; you have kids and responsibilities, but you can still be intentional about making her feel like the center of the world often.
Tell her how she makes you feel, and plan date nights as much as you can – even once a month is something.
Send her “I miss you and can’t wait to be with you” regularly.
Of course, it doesn’t have to be word for word; be creative.
Notice when she has a new hairdo or wears something different and compliment it.
All these will fill her emotional tank and make her feel loved.
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Respect
There is a misconception I hear often from even marriage counselors about how women only want to be loved and not respected.
I think this is a fallacious statement, to say the least.
Everybody wants to be loved and respected because, in the first place, they are not mutually exclusive; you respect whom you love.
But let’s say they were.
No woman is comfortable being disrespected because she is loved.
She wants to be seen as a woman who is heard, honored, and treated with esteem.
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Listened To and Understood
I could have said only understanding, but I included listening because you can’t understand who you don’t listen to.
Unfortunately, many men feel women talk too much, so they zone their wives out when she’s speaking.
Women are also advised to speak less if they do.
Some women are quiet, but husbands should also make an effort to listen to their wives, especially when they are talking about something that matters to them.
I can understand zoning out when she tells you a story about her annoying co-worker, but you shouldn’t when she shares her dreams and communicates her needs and desires.
You’ll hardly understand what makes her tick if you don’t listen.
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Trust
This is not trust in the sense of her not cheating on you, although that’s also important.
No, this is trusting her to do the right thing and do right by the family.
Due to the concept of the man being the head, some men erroneously think that means they need to treat their woman like she’s their child.
They question all her decisions or don’t listen to them because they feel she has nothing to offer.
Like you, your wife is capable of intelligent thoughts; in fact, she might be even more intelligent.
Trusting her entails recognizing her strength and letting her handle those areas without too much interference, especially when it’s not even necessary.
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Appreciation
A woman wants her husband to appreciate her effort to be a wife and mother who’s also making it in her business or career.
Even if she is a stay-at-home mum, taking care of the kids is a herculean task; it is not easy, and you should often let her know you appreciate her.
It is not right to constantly put her down or not even appreciate all she does because you think yours is more valuable than hers.
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Prioritized
Women are said to want security, and when the topic comes up, men automatically believe it means financial security.
Yes, the financial aspect is important, but another aspect is equally germane – priority.
Many men prioritize work or family over their wives, and if a woman senses that she doesn’t come first, she’ll hardly feel secure in the marriage.
She will not feel safe knowing her husband has her back and will stand ten toes behind her even in her absence.
Men need to know that this can make her act out more because she will constantly compete to ensure you put her first.
But if you have shown she is number one to you, she will be at rest and not feel the need to seek that validation.
For instance, knowing she is a priority will make her relax when you have demanding times at work because you have shown her that she doesn’t need to compete with the office.
It will also handle any tense relationship with her mother-in-law.
She will gladly compromise and let your mother have her way when she’s sure her husband has her back.
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Partnership
A woman doesn’t want to feel like she’s doing the world alone.
Unfortunately, many women are single mothers even while married.
The husband drops the money and thinks his work is done.
That’s not right.
You need to get involved in the home front as well.
Let her feel that team spirit and know you are teaming up to conquer the world.
Get involved with the actual care of your children and with keeping the home tidy, and don’t leave that entirely to her.
Conclusion
The fact that a man isn’t getting this right doesn’t mean he is bad; he might just be unaware.
For most of them, societal constructs are responsible, and so they think they are doing just fine with the bare minimum.
As a wife, you can communicate to him the areas in which you think he needs improvement, having appreciated the areas in which he’s doing well.
As a husband, if you are reading this, it shows you’re already willing, so I commend you.
Now, you need to have a conversation with your wife and be ready to listen honestly about the areas she thinks you are failing to meet her expectations. Then, try to meet them.
