9 Signs Your Husband Is Avoiding Physical Intimacy - Olubunmi Mabel

We always talk about how all marriages experience ebbs and flows of physical intimacy.

This way, people are already conditioned to expect periods of frequent physical intimacy and those periods when physical intimacy is at its lowest in the relationship.

This usually occurs naturally because couples are usually busy and may have to deal with the extra responsibilities of raising children.

The truth is that physical intimacy usually takes a back seat to all of these responsibilities.

However, there are times when the physical intimacy drought feels weird.

It feels more like your husband is avoiding physical intimacy, and you sincerely can’t understand why this is happening.

Maybe you don’t even know for sure that your husband is avoiding physical intimacy.

All you have is your gut feeling, and it is telling you really loudly that your husband is avoiding physical intimacy with you.

While you may feel like what you are experiencing is uncommon, it is not.

Many other women have experienced this similar phase in their marriages and have gone on to enjoy a successful marriage.

I know you want to know what they did to reverse the situation.

Well, the first thing they did was to recognize the signs.

Recognizing the signs is the first step toward finding a lasting solution to any problem.

We will start by exploring the signs you need to look out for.

1. He avoids spending quality time with you

A surefire sign that something is not right in your relationship is your husband avoiding spending quality time with you.

The truth is that when a man is in love with a woman, he naturally wants to spend quality time with her.

Even when he has a busy schedule, he will make space just to spend time with the woman he loves.

If this is not happening in your marriage, you need to start wondering why it isn’t.

I know you have some ready excuses to make for him.

You will probably say he is too busy at work or overwhelmed by responsibilities.

And you know what?

You may just be right if you didn’t have this nagging feeling that there is more to your husband’s absence than busy schedules.

Even when you know he isn’t working, he still finds ways to spend less time with you.

He would rather hang out with his friends or spend more time watching sports on the television.

Regardless of what he does when he isn’t with you if you get the feeling that your husband would rather spend time anywhere else than with you, it is a sign that he may just be avoiding physical intimacy or any form of intimacy with you.

This is especially true if he has an uncanny knack for being unavailable or generally disappearing whenever you try to plan activities with him.

2. He is emotionally distant

When your husband stops spending quality time with you, it automatically leads to emotional distance.

It is not exactly rocket science.

It is just a simple rule in life: the more time you spend with someone, the more connected you feel to them.

I have friends who used to be really close, but we haven’t spoken in years. It all started with staying for weeks without speaking.

Then it became months, and now, it is years.

Now, I still consider them friends because I know they will turn up massively for me when I need them, but that deep emotional connection is no longer there.

You can’t run your marriage that way.

If your husband no longer spends quality time with you, then he apparently doesn’t talk to you about things that matter.

The absence of deep and meaningful conversations should be worrisome in any relationship.

Especially if it seems like your husband always avoids your attempts to have meaningful conversations with him.

It now feels like you no longer know your husband and are sharing a house with a stranger.

The saddest part about this situation is that it feels like your husband is comfortable with the situation.

Emotional intimacy always precedes physical intimacy.

When your husband begins to avoid any form of emotional connection with you, it will definitely affect physical intimacy.

3. He avoids talking about sex

When you are experiencing a physical intimacy drought in your marriage despite your best efforts otherwise, it is normal to bring up conversations about sex.

You are confused and want to understand what is going on in your relationship.

So, you broach the topic to your husband because you want to hear his perspective, but it seems he doesn’t want to discuss it.

He either shuts down the conversation or changes the topic abruptly.

This reaction could be a sign that he doesn’t want to be physically intimate with you.

This is especially true if he combines this with spending more time away from home.

You just notice that after these attempts to discuss the intimacy issues in the relationship, your husband begins to spend more time away from home.

It is classic avoidant behavior.

I remember how I used to avoid my elder sister as a kid because she would call me and ask me things like “What is your purpose on earth?” and other serious questions.

My response was to usually dodge the question and avoid her for weeks.

Purpose?

Sis, I just want to live a baby boy’s lifestyle.

Is that too little to dream of?

The point is the moment your husband begins to avoid discussing the intimacy issues you are having in the relationship; you may need to start wondering if he prefers things the way they are.

4. He doesn’t display physical affection anymore

Physical intimacy is not just about sex.

The sexual aspect may form a major part of it, but physical intimacy encompasses other things.

There are those little physical gestures that usually display affection to your partner.

When gestures like holding hands, hugs, and kisses become scarce in your marriage, it is a sign that something is terribly wrong.

While couples may have periods when they don’t have sex, there should never be a period when they stop expressing their affection for each other through these simple gestures.

If you realize that your husband avoids you holding his hands or hugging him, it could be a sign that he is avoiding intimacy.

One time, a lady rushed to her husband in public and wanted to kiss him, but the guy turned his cheek towards her.

So, it ended up being a peck.

Most people didn’t notice this, but I did.

And in my mind, I wondered if there was trouble in their relationship because that wasn’t the loving response you’d have expected.

The truth is that even the least touchy guy would usually express his affection for his wife with these little gestures.

He just may not do it in public but he would do it in private.

So, if your husband doesn’t express any form of affection for you physically, it is a sign that he is avoiding physical intimacy.

5. He doesn’t initiate sex anymore

This is the clearest sign that your husband is avoiding physical intimacy.

If you realize that your husband hasn’t been initiating sex recently, it could be a sign worth noting.

This sign may take a while for you to notice, especially if he is still receptive whenever you initiate sex.

It’s not like you have a record of who initiates sex and who doesn’t.

However, if it goes on for some time, your husband’s lack of initiative when it comes to sex and physical intimacy is bound to be noticed by you.

You start noticing that you are always the one initiating sex.

You start noticing that he usually seems uninterested when you initiate it.

You may also start noticing that it seems like he is only responding to you because he feels it is his duty.

Your lovemaking has lost its soul, and it can only be referred to as “babymaking” in its best form.

All of these could be signs that your husband is avoiding physical intimacy with you.

6. He doesn’t respond when you initiate sex

The fact that your husband doesn’t initiate sex anymore doesn’t mean that he doesn’t respond when you initiate.

This is why it may be a little hard to immediately spot the fact that a man is avoiding physical intimacy.

However, if your husband is no longer responsive to your attempt to initiate sex, it is an obvious sign that he wants to avoid physical intimacy with you.

You may be wondering why your husband doesn’t want to be physically intimate with you.

I know a few reasons why a man avoids physical intimacy with his wife, but your husband is unique, and he may have a unique reason for avoiding physical intimacy.

I know a man who avoided physical intimacy with his wife because, after every intercourse, he felt really weakened.

After some time, he started getting scared for his health and thus ceased being involved in any activity that could exert him.

Of course, this involved sex, but that didn’t stop him from holding hands with his wife and hugging her.

There are other sinister reasons a man could be avoiding physical intimacy with his wife, but talking to your husband about it will help you understand his reasons and what to do about it.

7. He makes excuses all the time

When a person is avoiding you, the excuses they give for their absences usually give them away.

If your husband seems to be spending less time at home and seemingly avoids physical intimacy, you need to pay attention to the excuses he gives.

Is he always “too tired” or “not in the mood” to be physically intimate with you?

These excuses are the most common when men want to avoid physical intimacy.

While his excuses can sometimes be genuine, he can’t be feeling tired all the time, and he definitely should have times when he is in the mood.

A consistent pattern of him avoiding you with excuses points to a much deeper issue at hand.

If he says he isn’t in the mood all the time, the odds are he is actually no longer feeling physically attracted to you.

This could be caused by a number of factors, but the good news about it is that it can be remedied.

All that it takes is a heart-to-heart conversation about what is going on to discover the actual source of the issues and work together to resolve them.

8. His sleep pattern changes

This is not a sign that can be readily linked with avoiding physical intimacy.

This is because it can be caused by a lot of things.

So, if you notice this sign alone in your relationship, the odds are it is not even slightly related to avoiding physical intimacy.

It sometimes happens to us all.

I mean, there are times when our sleeping patterns change.

At those times, it would feel like you no longer sleep when you should.

A few years ago, I was a night owl.

I never slept until 4 am and usually slept throughout the day.

Now, I am more of an early bird.

I wake up really early in the morning and sleep early, too.

Your husband’s sleeping pattern may have changed, but if it doesn’t occur in tandem with the signs above, it will be too much of a leap of logic to accuse him of avoiding intimacy.

However, if his sleeping pattern changes and coincides with him sleeping on the couch or in another room, it is a sign that something is seriously wrong and he is avoiding physical intimacy with you.

I have come to think of couples sleeping separately as a terrible sign.

It is a personal opinion, but I think, in most cases, it signifies a distinct emotional withdrawal and also involves a gross reduction in physical intimacy.

He may even be sharing the same room with you, but if his sleeping pattern changes in such a way that he only sleeps when you are awake, it could still be a sign he is avoiding physical intimacy with you.

9. He is increasingly irritable

When someone you love tries to avoid you, it is only normal for you to want to know why they are avoiding you.

In trying to do this, many women can be so persistent that they may be feeling choked up.

In this situation, it is very normal for him to display increased irritability.

He is increasingly short-tempered because he wants to avoid you, and you are not making it an easy task.

Also, his increased irritability could be evidence of his internal struggles with whatever he is beginning to feel or not feel for you.

If this sign presents itself in tandem with other signs above, it is a sign that your husband is trying to avoid physical intimacy with you.

However, it could also mean other things.

So, don’t jump to conclusions.

Speak to your husband.

Remember I said you are not the first to experience this?

Here’s where I tell you the other things that can be done to get past this phase and enjoy a successful marriage.

If you have seen these signs in your marriage, it is a sign that your husband is avoiding physical intimacy with you.

It is a really sad situation to be in, but there are some tips that can help you handle it properly.

The first thing to do is to initiate a conversation about your observations and feelings.

Use “I” statements to express how the changes have affected you without sounding accusatory.

For example, “I’ve noticed we haven’t been as close lately, and it makes me feel neglected.”

See?

You are still talking about your feelings without being accusatory.

Sometimes, the issues might be deeper than what you both can handle alone.

In such instances, I recommend seeking help from a marriage counselor or therapist who can provide a safe space for you to work things out with your husband.

You should spend more time emotionally reconnecting with your husband.

Engage in activities that you can bond over: date nights, strolls, picnics, and just seeing a movie together.

The key is spending quality time together.

Touch your husband to build physical intimacy.

It doesn’t have to be sexual.

Just holding hands and cuddling can help in restoring physical intimacy in your relationship.

While you are at it, be patient.

You will need patience and determination in this journey.

Last but most importantly, don’t neglect to take care of yourself.

Love yourself!

Ensure your emotional and physical well-being, too.

This could be a long road to full intimacy, but the destination is certain.

So, keep that in mind as you go through this period in your marriage.

A dry spell shouldn’t be the end of your marriage!