9 Signs Your Marriage Is Losing Its Spark - Olubunmi Mabel

Watching the excitement and fun gradually seep out of your marriage can be a very discouraging experience.

Your mind travels back to the times when the sparks were flying everywhere, your emotions were on steroids and you both couldn’t get your hands off each other.

Good morning kisses, random playful smacks on your butt, flirting here and there, and even PDAs used to be your thing.

But lately, everything seems to have slowed down, almost like some mysterious being tapped on the “pause” button on the romance in your marriage.

And you’re just wondering; is this just a temporary season of boredom that will soon pass, or is your marriage losing its spark?

Keep reading to find out.

1. It becomes too monotonous

The truth is that some level of monotony is normal in a marriage because obviously, life is happening and for you to have order and discipline in your life, routines have to be introduced.

You can’t keep being spontaneous all the time in your marriage.

That can cause chaos.

However, when this monotony extends for prolonged periods, it can be a bad sign.

You’re both just living like robots or zombies, doing the normal things; sleep, wake, eat, take out the trash, pay bills, talk about the kids, rinse and repeat.

There are no romantic and affectionate gestures all through the day from either you or your spouse.

You’ve become like roommates and not romantic partners.

It could be a sign that life’s challenges and responsibilities are trying to quench the spark in your marriage.

2. You don’t care about each other anymore

When one or both parties no longer care about the other, it can be a sign that the spark is slowly dying.

Couples are meant to be each other’s best friends and sidekicks.

Nobody should have your partner’s back and look out for them more than you, and it should be both ways.

But if you both suddenly no longer show care and interest in each other’s lives, the health of your marriage is being compromised.

Perhaps you both feel disconnected from each other emotionally, and you’re disinterested in each other’s lives.

There’s no more curiosity or care when it comes to matters that affect your partner.

You don’t ask them how their day went or show concern for the bruise on their knee.

You’re both almost alienated from each other’s lives and it’s getting obvious.

You disregard each other’s opinions or feelings and are focused on yourself only.

Sometimes, this lack of concern and care shows up as a means of avoiding conflicts.

You know the spark is no longer there when you’re not eager to talk about issues or even initiate makeup sex.

One or both of you would rather ignore issues than address them openly and constructively to seek resolution.

This is a dangerous sign.

3. You stop talking

When my roommate and her man began to drift apart in their relationship, “We don’t talk anymore like we used to do…” was her go-to song.

Usually, a drop in communication is the first sign of many other negative things in a relationship.

Not talking to your partner as often as you used to, can mean that the spark in your relationship is dying gradually.

When conversations become less frequent and more superficial, you need to carefully consider what is going on.

When there’s chemistry between a couple, their communication is effortless and the conversations just flow.

They talk about any and everything, both the important and the trivial, the intelligent and the stupid, they always have something to talk about.

4. You no longer enjoy spending time together

This is one of the most prominent signs of a dying romance.

You both no longer want to spend time together.

Perhaps you have observed that you and your partner now spend less meaningful time together, you both would rather prioritize other activities.

Even in terms of hobbies and shared activities, you’re drifting apart.

It’s like you’ve stopped being fond of each other.

Your intimacy and display of affection have declined, and there’s less laughter and enjoyment in each other’s company.

5. Infidelity knocks

There’s never an excuse that is valid enough for infidelity.

It’s better to sign out of marriage officially and go be with whoever you want to than to remain in it and cheat.

However, one of the signs that the spark in a marriage is fading off is when infidelity steps in.

Usually, many cheats use that as an excuse for their misbehavior.

Although they’re not justified in any way, sometimes, they’re right – the marriage has become boring and unappealing.

Nothing is interesting about it anymore so they seek fulfillment elsewhere, fantasizing about other people or even going into other people’s arms.

6. Sex becomes a chore

Sometimes, sex in marriage can get uneventful and that’s normal.

Doing the same thing with the same person can be a bit repetitious and even passionless.

But if the sex becomes so bad it now seems like a chore or you’re avoiding it, that’s the sparks in your marriage flying away.

Couples are meant to be intentional about their sex life, introducing new styles, and locations to make it more fun.

The sparks don’t have to be allowed to fly away, they can be trapped and brought back.

7. You’re both just irritated at each other

When you’re crazily in love with someone, you love everything about them and everything they do is cute to you.

Do you know that cheesy phase of the relationship or marriage where you both find each other so alluring and adorable that you cannot do anything wrong in each other’s eyes?

It’s called the honeymoon phase where your love is not only blind to each other’s flaws, it’s also deaf and dumb.

The interesting thing about life is that when the sparks and butterflies begin to fly away, the exact opposite begins to happen.

You both begin to get irritated at each other.

There are more frequent and heightened criticisms and less constructive feedback.

You can just pick a cup and your partner is complaining that you didn’t smile while picking it.

Unreasonable complaints and increased irritability.

You’re both easily annoyed and frustrated at each other.

This is a threatening situation because, in such a hostile situation, it’s virtually impossible for the marriage to grow. After all, there’s no room for future planning and crucial conversations as a couple.

Resentment and a whole lot of other negative feelings also build up.

8. Something feels off

If you suspect that your marriage is losing its spark, it’s probably because it is.

When things like these are happening, sometimes you can just feel it.

Perhaps you’ve been observing changes in your partner, such as them becoming secretive or changing their behavior or appearance.

Or maybe you’ve not seen any signs but you just feel that something is off.

It can be a sign from your intuition that you need to converse with your partner.

9. Attraction declines

This is the classical sign of fading romance; loss of attraction.

It can be a sign that the sparks are disappearing if you no longer appeal to your partner or they no longer appeal to you.

You’re not expected to jump or be amazed at your partner’s appearance every day like you were the first time you both met.

However, a reasonable level of appeal and attraction should be sustained in the marriage.

Keeping the sparks alive in a marriage is important for maintaining intimacy, connection, and overall relationship satisfaction.

The passion and chemistry help deepen emotional bonds, improve communication, and keep the relationship vibrant and fulfilling over time.

Identifying these signs in your marriage is not to condemn it to doom, but to note the areas of improvement.