9 Subtle Signs of An Opportunist Husband - Olubunmi Mabel

Humans are naturally opportunistic creatures.

We are constantly looking for ways to improve our lives, whether it’s through career advancement, financial gain, or personal growth.

And we should.

It’s smart to seize opportunities when they present themselves in order to achieve our goals and dreams.

But what happens when this opportunistic nature extends into a marriage?

When your husband starts taking advantage of you and the relationship for his own gain?

Nobody likes being used or manipulated, especially by someone they love and trust.

So, here are signs you might have an opportunist for a husband: 

1. Always Keeps Score

When you love someone, you want to do things for them to make them happy. 

Their happiness or the genuine smile you bring to their face is the reward you seek for your efforts. 

But with an opportunist husband, it’s not so. 

Because nothing is ever done purely out of kindness. 

Instead, there’s a mental ledger of deeds and favors where every act of generosity is logged and expected to be repaid.

Come on, now. 

The Bible says love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. 

But Mr. “Opportunist Husband” takes it a step further by keeping records of everything he does for you. 

All his good deeds, no matter how little, go into his arsenal of weapons that he’ll use to get back at you. 

In short, an opportunist husband remembers every little favor he does for you and brings them up when he needs something.

For instance, say you’re exhausted after a long week and looking forward to a quiet weekend at home. 

He might bring up that he recently agreed to attend a work event with you, so you owe him by accompanying him to a social gathering he knows you’d rather avoid.

I’m not saying love shouldn’t be reciprocal, but there’s a difference between ‘reciprocal’ and ‘transactional’. 

When one partner keeps score, it turns acts of love into transactions. 

Love shouldn’t be conditional or seen as a debt to be repaid. 

2. He’s overly interested in your financial status

Ever noticed how conversations with him often veer into how much you’re earning, saving, or investing?

It’s not that being financially responsible isn’t important, because it totally is, and your spouse should care about your finances, but with an opportunist husband, it feels like he’s more into your wallet than into your heart.

Imagine you just got a bonus at work.

Before you can even dream about how you want to spend or save it, he’s already making plans or suggesting (read: deciding) where that extra cash should go.

It’s great to have a partner who’s interested in financial planning, but it shouldn’t feel like you’re talking to an accountant who’s more concerned about your net worth than your well-being.

3. Social Climbing

Relationship is the currency of life.

Your network is your net worth.

And an opportunist husband knows this all too well.

He’ll be super charming and social when you’re with people who can give him a leg up in his career or social status.

But the moment you’re around people he doesn’t see as beneficial to his image, he becomes distant or uninterested.

Your relationship becomes more about how it can benefit him rather than genuine connection and love.

It may seem subtle, but pay attention to how he behaves in different social situations.

Is he only interested in people who can help him climb the ladder of success?

Does he treat those “below” him with respect, or does he brush them off?

It’s a red flag if your husband only values relationships for what they can do for him.

4. Always Has a Backup Plan

An opportunist husband always has a backup plan in case things don’t go his way.

Yeah, life be lifing sometimes, and it’s smart to have a plan B.

But an opportunist husband always has another option that conveniently benefits him and not you.

He may tell you that he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, but deep down, there’s always an escape route in case things don’t work out.

It’s not that he’s being cautious or responsible, but rather that he never fully commits to anything without an exit strategy that doesn’t include you.

5. He’s The Taker

I know we are not supposed to be counting favors in love, but sometimes it’s nice to feel appreciated for all the things you do.

It’s unfair if the effort is always one-sided and you’re always the one giving.

Relationships are a two-way street, where both partners give and take, sharing their lives, dreams, and hardships.

If you have an opportunistic husband, you might find that you’re always giving while he’s always taking.

Ever felt like you’re his personal ATM, emotional support animal, career advisor, and social secretary all rolled into one, but when you need a bit of support, the love of your life is nowhere to be found?

That’s because, for him, the relationship is a one-way street with all benefits flowing his way.

He’s there for the good times and the gains, but at the first sign of needing to give back or support you, he’s got excuses for days.

6. Conditional Love

One of the beauties of marriage is that you can love and be loved unconditionally.

You don’t have to earn your partner’s love or constantly prove yourself to them.

You are married, and that means loving each other through the good and the bad.

An opportunist husband doesn’t love you like that.

No way.

His “love” comes with conditions.

It’s like, “I’ll love you if you keep looking good,” or “I’ll be more affectionate if you land that promotion.”

His affection seems tied to what you can provide.

Men who stop being in love with their wives after their bodies change due to pregnancy, illness, or age fall into this category.

It’s not real love if it comes with strings attached.

7. Selective Listening

Have you ever had a conversation with your husband about something important, and it felt like he was not really listening?

Like his mind is somewhere else, or he just nods along without engaging in the conversation.

But then later, when you bring up something he wants to hear, suddenly he’s all ears and remembers every detail.

It might seem like a small thing, but it’s a sign of an opportunist husband.

He only pays attention when he wants something from you, but when it comes to your needs or concerns, he tunes out.

It’s a sneaky way of making you feel unheard and unimportant in the relationship while still getting what he wants from you.

8. He’s Manipulative

You really have to be manipulative to be a successful opportunist.

Because if he came out and said, “I’m using you for your money,” or “I only married you for your connections,” you’d probably not fall for it, right?

No one willingly gives up their time, resources, and love without a little persuasion.

So, an opportunist husband is smooth and knows how to use guilt, charm, and even love to get what he wants.

He may act like he’s doing things for your benefit, but in reality, it’s all about him.

For example, he may insist that you move to a new city for his job, but really, it’s because he wants to be closer to his family or friends.

He may suggest that you invest in a certain business without fully considering the risks, but it’s because he stands to gain if it succeeds.

He just knows how to use your trust and emotions to manipulate you into doing what he wants., and it’s worse if you genuinely love him and want to support him.

When we truly love someone, we can go to any length to make them happy, even if it means sacrificing our own happiness.

And that’s exactly what an opportunist husband will exploit.

He’ll use your love for him as a tool to get his way, and he’ll do it in such a subtle and convincing manner that you won’t even realize it.

But over time, you may start to feel drained, unfulfilled, and resentful because you’re constantly putting his needs above your own.

You may also notice that he never really reciprocates your sacrifices or puts in the same level of effort into the relationship.

That’s because an opportunist husband is selfish at heart, and he sees you as nothing more than a means to an end. 

9. Rarely Praises or Appreciates You

As if it’s not enough that he takes advantage of your kindness, an opportunist husband may also rarely praise or appreciate you.

He may offer empty compliments here and there, but when it comes to genuine appreciation for who you are and what you do, he falls short.

The dude falls really short!

He is usually quick to point out your flaws and mistakes, but when it comes to recognizing your strengths and contributions, he’s silent.

It’s almost like he doesn’t want you to feel too good about yourself because then you might start questioning why you’re with him.

So what do you do if you realize you’re married to an opportunist?

Firstly, have an honest conversation with your husband about how his behavior makes you feel.

Sometimes, people are unaware of the harm they are causing until it is brought to their attention.

If he acknowledges his actions and is willing to work on changing them, then there is hope for your marriage.

But if he denies or dismisses your concerns, refuses to take responsibility, or continues his opportunistic ways, there’s fire on the  mountain.

Now that you know his ways, pay attention to his actions and words, and don’t fall for any more of his manipulative tactics.

Prioritize yourself and don’t let him take advantage of your love and trust.

Set boundaries and stick to them, especially when it comes to financial matters.

Just be smart when dealing with him, and hopefully, he will get the memo and realize that life doesn’t revolve around his selfish desires.