9 Things That Make A Man Vulnerable With You - Olubunmi Mabel

Vulnerability is a necessary part of relationships that many men would rather skip.

This is because it is not so easy for them to open up emotionally.

The societal expectations of what a man should be like and upbringing is largely responsible for this.

Men are trained to be tough and stoic.

They are taught to express almost no emotions.

Crying is weakness, and weaknesses are not meant to be seen in a man.

At least, that’s what they say.

As far back as when I was a little kid, I was trained to never cry.

Not even when I was hurt.

My dad would say, “A big man never cries, and that’s who you are. So, don’t disappoint me,” and I would grit my teeth and hold the tears at bay.

However, this doesn’t work in relationships.

You can’t keep your feelings under wraps and expect the relationship to work fine.

Opening up may be tough but it’s a necessity.

So, how do you make a man vulnerable with you?

What are those things you can do to make a man vulnerable with you?

Come along with me as we find the answers to this question in this article…

1. Be vulnerable yourself

Just like respect, vulnerability is reciprocal.

Expecting a man to open up to you when you haven’t opened up to him may be an exercise in futility.

When you don’t share your fears, insecurities, and dreams with him, you are not in any way encouraging him to share his with you.

The first thing that makes a man vulnerable with you is the fact that you are vulnerable with him.

When you share your dreams, fears, and insecurities with him, you are creating the kind of atmosphere that encourages men to be vulnerable.

Even some of the hardest men have opened up during such deep conversations.

The very moment you take the plunge into that zone, it is almost certain that he will follow.

It may take a while, but he will soon reach the point where he cannot help but open up to you.

I know being vulnerable is not hard for only men.

It could also be difficult for females.

Especially for those who have experienced trauma at the hands of men

Trusting can be difficult.

But just like in every difficult task that you have surmounted in the past, you need to choose to do it.

Vulnerability is trust.

You are trusting someone else with your weaknesses and strengths, the part of you that nobody else sees…

And it can be really scary.

But if you want someone to trust you enough to open up to you, you must first show an inclination to trust the person.

2. Genuine appreciation

Everyone loves to be appreciated.

As a kid, I would do things for people, and even if I didn’t do it for their appreciation, their gratitude made me feel special.

It is like an official acknowledgment that I did something worthy of appreciation.

Women love it, and men love it too.

It is not just enough to be vulnerable with a man; you also need to let him know how much you love him and appreciate him for the things he does.

It’s not enough to act like you appreciate his efforts.

You need to say it.

Acknowledge his efforts and encourage him with words of appreciation and nice gestures of your own.

When you go out, get him something that reminds you of him.

Send him thoughtful text messages.

Assure that you will always be there for him in the good and bad times.

That’s how to encourage a man to be vulnerable with you.

When a man is in an environment where he feels loved and appreciated, vulnerability would no longer be a problem.

3. Active listening

One of the major things that makes a man vulnerable with you is the assurance that you are actually listening to him.

Active listening isn’t just about hearing what someone is saying.

It is about actually listening to understand.

You want to know where the person is coming from and how to help the person move forward.

This is quite different from listening politely, which most of us do.

We have so much going on in our heads that most of us can only pretend to listen to avoid appearing rude.

Men know when someone is really listening to them except when they are lecturing you about something; then they don’t.

Really, I know when the person I am talking to is barely listening.

And it’s such a put-off for me.

If you want a man to be vulnerable with you, you need to be someone who listens actively because the moment he realizes you aren’t actually listening, he withdraws behind those walls and makes them twice as tall and thick.

4. Being nonjudgmental

The ability to keep a poker face regardless of what you have been told should be a superpower.

Sometimes, we actually want people to be vulnerable with us, but we can’t actually deal with what they share.

Our face passes judgment even when we don’t actually say it.

This is one of the reasons why someone who opened up to you before stopped being vulnerable with you.

The fear of being judged is one of the barriers men face when it comes to vulnerability.

They want to talk to you, but they are scared that you will abandon them when you get to know him.

One thing that makes a man vulnerable with you is the way you take everything he says in stride.

You listen to him without interrupting or judgment.

You are empathetic while listening and know when to proffer solutions in the right way.

When a man is in a relationship with someone like this, he finds it easier to be vulnerable.

5. Spending quality time together

You can’t just walk up to a stranger and expect them to spill their secrets to you.

To get to this stage, you need to have developed a connection.

Really, there’s no better way to develop a connection than spending quality time together.

Engaging in activities that both of you enjoy is a sure way of making a man vulnerable with you.

It strengthens your bond and makes him feel more at ease with you.

I remember when I used to be very awkward around females.

I would just be quiet and answer questions when I am asked with few words.

A lot of them had the first impression of me being gentle.

That is very far from the truth actually.

I am not gentle but to see the real me, you have to spend time with me, doing the things I love to do.

Talk about books or games and see the transformation in me.

It’s the same for other men.

Do you want to make them more open with you?

Then, you need to spend time with them, engaging in activities you both love.

That’s how to foster connection and bring about vulnerability.

6. Respect for his boundaries

Wanting to know someone intimately can be so all-consuming that you lose all sense of boundaries.

You just want to know more, so you keep probing even when they don’t want to discuss it.

There is no surer way to destroy whatever rapport you might have built than forcing a man to talk when he doesn’t want to.

If you want him to be vulnerable, you must understand when he needs space and how to respect his boundaries.

Pushing him to open up before he is ready can backfire.

Instead, respect his boundaries.

Be patient until he is ready to open up.

While you wait patiently, ensure that he knows you will be there for him whenever he needs you.

7. Being reliable

Nothing inspires vulnerability more than reliability.

The fact that you have consistently been there for a man is enough to make him vulnerable with you.

It’s the consistency of your actions and the reliability of your promises that encourages him to open up with you.

So, if you have proven to be a woman of your word over the years, a man will find it easier to believe you when you say he can count on you.

And if you say, “I won’t tell anyone,” he believes you won’t because you have proven yourself reliable.

Most of the time, we want people to be vulnerable with us, but we haven’t shown that we are worthy of their trust.

Can we be told things without the fear that half of the community will hear about it?

If you want a man to be vulnerable, ask yourself if you have been reliable enough.

If you haven’t, you need to decide to be more consistent and reliable going into the future.

8. Display of affection

The truth is no one gets vulnerable with anyone they don’t love.

If you don’t love him and he doesn’t love you, then vulnerability is the farthest thing he can attain with you.

Love makes a man do many things; one is being vulnerable with you.

However, some men may still have issues with being vulnerable with you.

They may feel you don’t love them enough.

Hence, the need to show love.

Express your love for him.

Simple physical gestures like hugging, holding hands and even just a touch can communicate love more than words.

If your actions show that you love a man, he feels more secure and comfortable with you.

The first step towards vulnerability is achieving comfortability.

Once this is achieved, keep your fingers crossed because he is going to open up to you soon.

9. Appreciating his uniqueness

Sometimes, people want you to be vulnerable with them, and they don’t even appreciate your uniqueness.

That discourages you from being vulnerable with them.

Vulnerability is all about a person bearing it all to you: the good, the bad, and the weird.

Learning to appreciate a man’s authenticity is critical to encouraging vulnerability.

It reinforces the fact that he doesn’t need to put on a facade to be loved.

When a man feels accepted for who he truly is, he will be more inclined to let his guard down and let you in on his innermost thoughts and desires.

Vulnerability can only be fostered in an environment that is full of love, trust, respect, and acceptance.

It flourishes when judgment is absent, and if you want that man you love to be vulnerable with you, you need to saturate your relationship with these attributes.

Men are not so different from women.

We all respond positively when the atmosphere around us is positive.