Before the One: Conclusion

Any tips or advice that you have for young Christian singles that are hoping to settle down and to build a purposeful God-ordained marriage? So, what would you tell them of how they can prepare themselves for the future that they’re hoping for? And kind of what words of advice or words of encouragement would you tell someone in that space? What can we do or what we should be doing?

I think probably the biggest one for me is just working on yourself. Just that holding yourself accountable. Everything, I say again, everything starts with self. Don’t underestimate how important it is for you to be in the right place mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and of course financially.

Before you go about looking for relationships it doesn’t always have to be 10 out of 10 in those areas, but there are things that you’ve got into a very good level because all of that adds to the value you can bring. When people see value in you, of course you would attract all different types of people. Anyway, that’s just life you know, but you would retain people that have value, so pay attention to that and I think that’s probably the biggest one.

Hold yourself accountable when things go wrong don’t be quick to blame somebody else first of all look at what is it that you could have done differently in that situation and sometimes there’s nothing and being accountable is not self-blame it’s not saying it’s my fault it’s my fault but it’s just what can I work on because sometimes we meet people and we don’t know maybe it’s our attitude that’s pushing them away.

I’ll give you an example. When I was dating and just meeting women generally, I thought I was doing everything right and women just didn’t like me. But in retrospect, after a while, when I look back, I just came across too naive. I came across almost desperate in a way. I was so giving and just always the one initiating, the one always calling.

I guess the women I was talking to at that point, they go, okay, that’s nice in terms of them getting attention, but I just got friend-zoned, you know. And until I had that realization, I started holding back and started drawing people onto me because, yes, you’re a good person, but that doesn’t mean you just give without asking. And sometimes we feel like, oh, I like this, but let me just keep giving, giving, giving. Sometimes you have to hold back, also get something back. Let them also show that they are interested in you.

So that’s just an example and a lot of things just come from self-work, paying attention to yourself understanding your needs, your expectations all of those things are part of your perspective because this is the only thing you can control. Yes, the only thing you can control is yourself.

How somebody else is going to behave, how they’re going to react, how they’re going to respond, you have zero control over that. Only they know that, so if you keep focusing on what they should be doing you’re not going to get anywhere. Focus on what you should be doing and in doing that you also know who not to even engage with. Once you understand yourself you know that okay as much as you’re attractive, as much as yeah you seem to have it going on financially, and you know you got your stuff, you’re still not the right person for me because there are certain values you have that doesn’t align with me.

Whether as a man or as a woman okay because sometimes if you don’t know yourself you just go for the shiny object right, you go for the things that everyone says looks good. This person is working well, they carry themselves a certain way they do this, they do that so you think oh yeah should be the right person and then once you get closer, it’s a horrible thing.

But once you know who you are, what you have, what you’re looking for, and you’re in that space, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically, a lot of attraction is physical, right? So, you know what’s right for you and what’s not right for you. And then the other thing is we cannot leave God out of the equation.
@Josh_lovetalk

Like I said earlier on, as much as I don’t believe that God chooses your partner for you, I believe God still has a say in who’s right and who’s not right for you. So don’t leave out the space of checking in with God if your pick is the right one. So don’t just let love take over and the feeling of newness take over and when things break up that’s when you go to God and say, ‘ah God please what’s happened?‘ Seek God when it’s still early stages so you don’t waste your time and so you don’t over commit or give too much to situation that’s not going anywhere. That would probably be my advice of course with a lot of other things.

And then just a last kind of rounding up. If people would like to connect with you, book sessions with you, do you do that? Is that a possibility? And what do they need to do to do that?

In 2025, by God’s grace, I would look to start having coaching sessions for people that are dating, people that are looking to get into relationships. So that’s something to look out for. But for now, if you check out my YouTube page although I’ve not been really active on there for the most part of this year once again, in 2025 I’ll pick that up. You can message me on Instagram I respond to most relationship dating questions that anyone would have, @Josh_LoveTalk.

I’m planning on doing more in terms of dating and offering as much help as I can.

This series was created because I was tired of just talking about waiting and seeing blatant issues among single young adults and we are belaboring the same issues over and over again. Fair enough, there are people that the current information is useful to and can be impactful for. But by seeking to explore all the different perspectives, this can help to ensure most people’s needs are met and that we are setting ourselves up for success.

Incredibly grateful to Josh for sharing his insights and wisdom with us.

As we round off this series, I am all about sharing resources and knowledge to help us as a community to make informed and wise decisions so I will be sharing some of the useful resources I read or came across during the course of this series. I hope you find them useful: