Before The One: Final Episode

If you are just joining us on the #BeforeTheOne series, there have been way too many great nuggets from previous episodes. You can catch up with Episode One and Episode Two.

Biblical Leadership for Men & Biblical Submission for Women

In this last episode of the series, I get into the nitty gritty with our guest, Josh LoveTalk and he really shines light on the understanding of biblical leadership among young men and biblical submission for young women.

PREAMBLE

The reason I am going to ask this next question is because if you just go general google search on ‘what does it submission mean and you go on YouTube, there’s so many videos. So you have so many videos about this is what it means to submit and some people are on different extremes of this conversation right and even I think earlier on when you were talking about being ready for a guy you know from your perspective at least, you said that you just knew within yourself you were ready. You were ready to start looking for somebody and you’re like okay I think this is the time. For ladies, we are primed with information from the get-go as soon as you are maybe 20 even 18.

You can just imagine as we’re trying to reconcile this like we’re not enemies right it’s like okay uh for the male and female we’re supposed to work together to get to a point where we’re building kingdom marriages, that’s the end goal well. At least for those that desire such that’s the end goal. So why does it feel like from the landscape that things are one-sided, right? Well, you have all the ladies that have all these conferences, there’s always the ladies out there, all this information, the LDM, Pastor Kingsley, Pastor M, all these, you know, a lot of even couples that have YouTube channels, you see that majority from your videos, I’m pretty sure you see majority of your viewership are ladies, right? Compared to the men. So it’s like, why is it that it’s the women that are doing all this preparation?

And I will tell you from my perspective, I’m not going to speak for all women but for myself you know we tend to be more accommodating right you in the sense that you can see into someone and be like okay you can offer them grace and be willing to offer grace and sometimes those people are not deserving of the grace. So you can get hurt and you can get to the point where you’re just like okay I’m done, I’m actually tired and then you know a right person might come along but you’re just like see I’ve been jaded and they have done me too many strong things, I beg. How can we reconcile that there’s too much focus on biblical submission where some ladies now feel like they have to overlook a lot of things because you know the man is the leader of the family. But on the other side you have guys that really don’t understand what biblical leadership is and they just think oh because I’m of the male gender, I can go around you and I get to choose. They think that they are the prize, so they have options because there’s definitely more women than men in most churches. We have situations where there are guys that would date multiple people in the church and they can afford to do that because people the ladies are like okay, I’m waiting you know and maybe there’s like one guy that has his ducks in a row. When I say his ducks in a row, not necessarily financially but at least he fears God, you can see that he knows kind of where he’s trying to get to, and he knows how to speak and have a conversation. He is someone that is emotionally intelligent because these are all different recipes that everybody’s looking at, so obviously he’s going to be like the one person that everybody would like. The question is ‘Do you think that the church has allowed a lot of guys to get away with not understanding what biblical leadership is and you know getting away with a lot of things and on the other hand have they overemphasized biblical submission to the point that ladies now don’t even understand their value right where they can just fall for anybody and anything?’

So now we’re about to get into the nitty-gritty and possibly controversial topics, but do you think that the church has allowed young men to get away with a lack of understanding what biblical leadership entails and has been focused too much on biblical submission for the ladies?

I think over time the pressure has definitely been on women. I agree with you. I think you’ve probably answered some of the questions in terms of what you just described. Most conferences, it’s women. Most things to do with dating, relationships, are focused on women and you can barely get men there. And I think there are a number of factors driving that. When we think about church, especially, African churches, Nigerian churches, most of what we do is driven by our culture and our traditions anyway. So, the woman that is going to the husband’s house, she learns how to cook, she needs to dress in a certain way. So a lot of these things are cultural traditions.

Then there’s also the biological side of things, which is, you know, a woman’s biological clock, ideally, they normally say it’s 30. But before it was 30, I think it’s now pushing back now because women are not really standing for it anymore. So by 30, you should be in your husband’s house because you want to have kids, you want to do all these things. So all of those pressures, because of time as well, has been put on women. And I don’t think enough, on the younger men.

I think it is changing though over time. Over the last number of years, I think for men a lot of things is just around finance. Most men are just told, at least what we understand is just make as much money as you can. Once you make that money, that is when you can truly be the head. So a lot of guys would think ‘as long as I’m a provider right and I’m a ‘protector’ then I’m good, I’m the cream of the crop‘. A lot of guys go about chasing money so I’m gonna say maybe the reason we don’t see a lot of men in conferences is because we’re out there chasing money, because we believe that’s what we need to get to be that main guy. And you also see that when a guy has his job he becomes a catch. He has a good job and he’s doing well in life, and he’s achieved career height you know so he feels he is doing well. Therefore, he has got the options now and even then, a lot of guys they don’t want to settle down because they just want to go and make money.

I’ll be the first to say there’s nothing wrong with that. Finance and money are a massive part of marriage or any relationship. So, there’s nothing wrong with that. But there are other things that come with being a man in marriage. And people don’t understand that the role of a husband is not just about being a man. It’s a responsibility. And if we’re going to go biblical in terms of the way God ordained it, the husband being the head of the house and his duty is to love his wife is a massive one because that has a lot to do with sacrifice. That is something that once again I think is now being taught because women have now stood up to say hey why is it us all the time.

So I think these days, definitely in 2024, there’s been more emphasis on this kind of teaching. I think the younger ones, so probably people of my age, are doing more work to educate the younger ones. Obviously, it’s still not on the same scale as the amount of teaching that women get or the amount of advice that women get. But I think I would say it’s on the rise.

So, yeah, the mental aspect of being a man and how we deal with the spiritual aspect as a man. So I heard something the other day, once again from a young pastor in the UK and he was saying men have assumed the role of God in terms of being a provider. It’s God that provides and it’s God that can see you through. But, if you take on that role by yourself, you’re going to end up killing yourself with anxiety because the time that you cannot provide you would be tearing your head out.

And that’s why as a man you need to have that relationship with God and that’s the way God ordained it. You have that relationship with God, you can go to your family because you’re the head and God is the source.

Tap from the source so you can feed your family and of course when I talk about sacrifice that is a massive thing. In terms of how to lead and how to love your home and also that’s the thing that once again we need to talk about more.

What is leadership?

You mentioned what Christian spiritual leadership is or what leadership looks like in the home. So, it’s not my way or the highway it’s not if I say yes and you don’t say yes then you’re not submissive. No, you have to understand that sometimes you have to take a back seat sometimes your wife might know more than you, sometimes you have to let her lead on a certain part. For example, if she’s better at finance, don’t say because ‘I’m the man of the house‘, therefore I have to do the finance stuff.

If she is a financial advisor or financial manager, she’s better than you and handled the whole finance. As a leader, some type of wisdom should kick in to say, all right, cool. You handled that part because you’re an expert. And that’s what leadership is. Sometimes we get it wrong in the sense that I’m the head of the home. So therefore, I need to do everything. Everything needs to be run past me. And that causes a lot of trouble.

And yeah, submission for women has been overemphasized. Once again, I think women are fighting back because of the time we’re in and women are not just sitting there. Yeah, I mean there are a lot of women that you say you know they don’t believe in submission or at least if they will submit it has to be to the right people and I don’t 100 disagree with them. Although, if you’re following the bible that’s what the bible commands – that you should submit, but I think it works hand in hand. Something I don’t like that’s happening in this time we’re living in; is we’ve made it a competition we’ve made it a man versus woman thing, and I think the way God has ordained marriage and relationships to be is collaborative.

It should be collaborative, like a team sport where we should be working together. The idea of loving and submission should work hand in hand and we’re even working together as a team and doing that together as a team we would have better and more successful marriages. But now it’s become a competition, I don’t submit until you lead, I don’t lead until you submit and sometimes, we just find ourselves in a break point where both parties are not doing what they’re supposed to do. That’s the beginning of the end of the relationship. So, I think just circling back, I agree the church has overemphasized submission or not mentioned enough about the role of men, what men should be doing in marriage. And I think we can all do better that way. Like I said, culture plays a massive role. But depending on what part of what you’re living in, things are changing. Women are standing up for themselves, everyone has to do what they’re supposed to do to and perform their responsibility.

Like I said marriage for me is a team sport, the biggest team sport you know you find yourself in if you cannot work as a team, it’s not going to work. You both have to do your part and it’s not always 50/50 it’s not always 100/100 sometimes you’re doing more than the other person and vice versa. But you just have to do your part to keep the whole thing pushing forward.

@josh_lovetalk

Conclusion

• Perception of Gender Roles:
  • Discussion on how the church has historically placed pressure on women regarding submission.
  • Men often focus on financial success as a measure of readiness for marriage.
• Biblical Leadership:
  • Emphasis on the need for men to understand their roles beyond financial provision.
  • Leadership in marriage should involve collaboration and mutual respect.

Overall, I hope you have been convinced and not confused on how to experience true and complete wholeness in Christ first and foremost. Josh LoveTalk has brought so many insights and nuggets that I truly hope years from now will be impactful for my generation and beyond.

 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Ephesians 5:21

I pray that we shall all have wonderful, thriving and God honoring relationships and marriages. Until next time, this has been fun and enlightening!

#ByGodsGrace

Mo 🙂