Busy Marriage? Here Are 11 Proven Ways To Keep The Romance Alive - Olubunmi Mabel
Some days ago, I got back home so exhausted from work that my head barely hit the pillow before I dozed off and slept until the next morning.
One thing about life is that it can get super busy.
It can be such a whirlwind of deadlines, responsibilities, and endless to-do lists that even the most organized singles gasp for breath.
Now, throw marriage into that mix, and you have a full-blown juggling act that makes circus performers look like amateurs.
From early morning commutes to late-night work emails, it’s easy to let romance slip into the “maybe tomorrow” pile.
But let’s be real: Tomorrow never comes when you’re caught in the grind of everyday life.
Keeping the romance alive amidst the chaos may seem like a Herculean task, but with a few proven tricks I’m about to share with you, you can reignite that flame, even on the busiest days.
So, whether you’re dealing with a screaming toddler, a demanding boss, or just trying to remember if you fed the dog, these tips will help you and your partner stay connected, no matter how hectic life gets.
1. Keep a to-do list
To-do lists are a lifesaver, and I personally hundred percent recommend them.
My life got so much more intentional, organized, and effective when I started writing down all the things I had to do and ticked them off as I went.
But isn’t this office and work-related stuff?
What has marriage got to do with it?
Oh, you have no idea; to-do lists come in super handy in busy marriages.
Amidst busy schedules, it’s crucial to carve out time specifically for each other, and keeping to-do lists helps you do that.
With them, you can schedule regular date nights, even if it’s just once a month.
This keeps the romance alive by providing an opportunity to reconnect.
For instance, whenever you decide to do something sweet for your partner, instead of saying “I’ll keep it in mind”, write it in your to-do list or set a reminder on your phone.
You can even go a step further by setting multiple reminders or routines of things like planning a cozy dinner at home, a movie night, or trying out a new restaurant.
This can be a game-changer for you.
2. Grab the little opportunities and be thoughtful
One great deception we all seem to fall for over and over again is believing that we have to wait for grand opportunities to do stuff.
I recently had to have a conversation with myself to discourage the mindset of keeping my nice outfits until I had significant events or activities to attend.
Every day I’m alive is a grand event and I’ll wear beautiful outfits as I deem fit.
The same applies to marriage.
Don’t wait until you can both take a flight to Paris and enjoy romantic moments together before you connect.
Start now.
As you walk past your wife as you both get dressed for work, seize the opportunity to give her a playful smack on her butt.
Spare five minutes from your work time to write a sweet note or send a surprise package to each other.
Small gestures can go a long way in a busy marriage.
Leaving love notes in unexpected places or sending simple, heartfelt messages like “I’m thinking of you” or “Can’t wait to see you tonight” shows thoughtfulness and keeps the romantic spark alive.
3. Go heavy on physical touch
Physical intimacy is one of the things that suffer most in busy marriages.
So you have to be intentional about it.
Even in small doses, physical affection maintains a sense of closeness and intimacy.
Simple touches like holding hands, hugging, or cuddling can keep the romantic connection strong.
You should both make it a habit of greeting each other with a hug and kiss when you leave and return home.
Instead of sleeping alone, spend some time in each other’s embrace and cuddle before sleeping.
Even when you’re busy, these brief moments of physical connection are powerful.
4. Plan surprises
Planning shouldn’t be an alien term or concept to you if you live a busy life.
Just as you plan trips, meetings, and events, you can also plan important things for your marriage.
Planning surprises always adds excitement to marriages because, beyond the excitement of what you planned, thinking of the thought that went into it makes it more special.
Surprise gestures, no matter how small, keep the relationship fun.
It shows that you’re thinking of each other and willing to go the extra mile to make them happy.
It can be surprising your spouse with their favorite treat, a spontaneous gift, or taking over a chore they usually handle.
These unexpected acts of kindness keep the romance alive.
Take it a step further by planning a monthly date night where you both agree to disconnect from work and technology and dedicate time together.
It strengthens your bond.
5. Prioritize communication
But the truth is, you have to be willing to work if your marriage means something to you.
Communicate daily, even if it’s briefly.
Busy schedules can make it hard to have long conversations, but even brief daily check-ins are important.
These moments keep you connected and aware of each other’s lives.
Talk physically but also use technology, such as phone calls, text messages, and social media.
Send a quick text during the day to say “I love you” or call each other on a lunch break just to hear each other’s voice.
These small interactions keep you emotionally connected despite the busyness.
6. Be kind to each other
Kindness is an important part of romance.
It increases affection and tenderness and fosters the bond.
Show kindness to each other in little and grand ways every day.
Express gratitude to your partner and regularly acknowledge their efforts.
Support their daily lives and dreams and do things that make their lives easier.
Celebrate even the smallest victories in each other’s life and make it a big deal.
Though seemingly insignificant, these things keep the romance alive because they show that you’re partners in every sense.
It also brings a sense of joy and shared accomplishment to the relationship.
7. Think and talk about the good times
Sometimes, you both can go days, weeks, or even months without doing anything special or romantic together because of how choked up your life is.
In those moments of the craziness of life when the romance between you two is starved, try to feed off the memories of the exciting times in the past.
Reflect on your shared memories and the sweet times you’ve experienced together.
This will rekindle the romance and remind you both of the love and joy you’ve experienced together.
Positive feelings will be reinforced, and you’ll feel refreshed.
Bring up fond memories during dinner, like reminiscing about your wedding day or a favorite vacation.
Looking at old photos together can also spark these warm feelings.
8. Plan fun activities
Planning surprises are great, but sometimes, don’t make it a surprise – plan together.
One person can make the plan and share it with the other person, or you can both make the plans together.
Create opportunities for fun and laughter together by planning activities you both enjoy.
Laughing together has a way of keeping romance alive.
Plan a weekend getaway, a short trip, or a cinema date.
The change of scenery and time alone together will help you reconnect and reignite the romance.
Play a silly game together, watch a comedy, or try a new hobby as a couple.
It creates lightheartedness and enjoyment.
9. Cook and eat together
Whenever you can spare a little time, cooking and eating together is one activity that can strengthen your bond if that’s something you both enjoy.
Cooking and sharing a meal can be a romantic and intimate experience.
It’s an opportunity to slow down, work as a team, and enjoy each other’s company.
Choose a night to cook dinner together each week, experiment with new recipes, or make a favorite dish.
Set the table nicely and enjoy the meal without distractions.
Life doesn’t always have to be complicated.
10. Stay attractive
Randomly switching things up in your appearance and looking hotter than usual can make your busy bee partner stop in their tracks.
While appearance isn’t everything, making an effort to look good for your partner can reignite attraction and show that you care about maintaining the romance.
Dress up a little for your date night at home, or wear the perfume or cologne your partner loves.
These small efforts show that you still want to impress each other.
11. Create a ritual
As much as spontaneity can be fun and adventurous, it may not always be feasible, especially in a busy marriage.
You have to schedule your romance.
It doesn’t sound exciting, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
When I first heard couples say that they schedule when to have sex or do other stuff because of their busy lives and responsibilities like children, I was surprised.
Until I got to see how busy marriage can get and how things can die off if they’re not scheduled because other things keep coming up.
If you have to create schedules and have a unique tradition or ritual just for the two of you to get things done, by all means, do it.
Being spontaneous by randomly planning trips, having sex anywhere, or going on exciting adventures may not be possible for this phase of your marriage.
So, create traditions around your availability, no matter how little.
It creates a special bond and something to look forward to, and it’s a way to keep your connection strong over time.
You can start a tradition like “Sunday morning breakfast in bed” or “Friday night movie marathons.”
These rituals give you both something to anticipate and enjoy together.
Busyness can attempt to squeeze the fun out of your life, and while marriage may add a whole new layer of busyness, it also brings along something worth fighting for—love, connection, and those little sparks that made you fall for each other in the first place.
Keeping the romance alive requires intentionality, creativity, and a focus on the small yet meaningful moments.
Applying these tips to your marriage can help you maintain a strong bond and continue to enjoy the deep love and affection that brought you together.
